Explain why mother of the chusen/kallah gown starts at $3-5k

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amother

Dill

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:01 am

You can find really nice gowns online

ShishKabob

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:03 am

You can buy a simple gown and then go to the trimming store with someone that has an eye for these things and dress it up. Even if you're going to spend $400 on the trimming, the price will be wayyy less and the look is just about the same. Bhatzlocha!

watergirl

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:08 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

you know what?
this is probably what's going on

one asks another and it becomes 'the norm' to buy it

This right here is the main issue and why people get upset when things that used to be considered true luxuries start to trickle down and those who can not afford it must buy it anyway. The kallah gifts are the prime example. Since when are diamond earrings, necklace, bracelet, ring, and more something EVERY young women must get? Why did it become the norm for it to go past the diamond ring, gold bracelet, and pearl necklace (which in and of itself is quite a lot for any 19 year old!). Not only is it expected, there is tzedakka for people who need it to buy these things. And engagements break because the gifts are not expensive enough (people have written about this here).

People used to spend according to their means, but more and more frequently we see how people feel forced to spend way above their means.

Is this where you are going with your post OP? Because you mentioned silver, gold, furniture, etc. also and this is also a major problem in those areas too. No one should be spending more than they can afford to. And to the girls who have no issue wearing jewelry which was purchased at the expense of her future in-laws ability to put chicken on their table and feed their other children, shame on you and shame on the culture that made this a thing.

Again, to be clear, if you can afford it, give tzedakkah, and earn your parnassa in a kosher way, spend all you want and enjoy it in good health! I truly fargin you.

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:11 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

no really
enlighten me
I'm trying to justify this cost

and it's all of them

Finds & co
Shimmerz Boutique
Avigayil Rumpler
Feldman in Monroe
Gitty Porgesz
Custom Couture by Chavi
Miris
Pessy Miller

--------------
if you know differently-
fill me in

They charge that because there are idiots who will pay it.
I went to Davids Bridal and paid about $180 and it was stunning, got tons of compliments. More expensive doesn’t mean nicer. Just stupider.

LovesHashem

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:13 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

because its a dress!
it's not silver!
it's not furniture!
it's not gold!

Why are any of those things worth the cost?

There's many frum Artists who sell artwork for those prices and more. What makes something worth the cost? The amount people will pay.

LovesHashem

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:14 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

you know what?
this is probably what's going on

one asks another and it becomes 'the norm' to buy it

If you will lose your friends because of a dress you need new friends.

ChutzPAh

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:16 am

I’m just impressed that middle age women or older can fit in to the same dresses for years
to rewear them. Kol hakavod just for that.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:19 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Haha, that's how I feel. I've read articles about unattractive, even ridiculous looking coats and shoes that are sooo expensive and people buy them because they're status symbols.

amother

IndianRed

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:20 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Sorry, people are not idiots for spending such prices. Each to their own. I don't find those prices so outrageous. You probably don't know the time and work that goes in to creating a custom gown. The fabrics and materials are also expensive. You absolutely cannot compare a gown from David's Bridal to the gowns made by those places. No one is an idiot for having different priorities and values than you do. A more expensive quality gown is not "stupider". It looks way nicer and the quality is not to compare. You do what's good for you and don't call others idiots for doing what they choose to do.
You come across as very jealous.

watergirl

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:22 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Haha, that's how I feel. I've read articles about unattractive, even ridiculous looking coats and shoes that are sooo expensive and people buy them because they're status symbols.

Like the $11,000 Hermes Birkin and Kelly bags? Which in order to buy, you have to have a "purchase history" in the thousands to be "offered" a bag? (Yes, I fell down that youtube rabbit hole during covid). I TRULY hope this does not become a thing in the frum world.

synthy

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:49 am

ChutzPAh wrote:

I’m just impressed that middle age women or older can fit in to the same dresses for years
to rewear them. Kol hakavod just for that.

They don't automatically fit in them, I know mechutenistas that starve themselves like anorexics because they must fit in the 5k gown.

amother

IndianRed

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:56 am

synthy wrote:

They don't automatically fit in them, I know mechutenistas that starve themselves like anorexics because they must fit in the 5k gown.

Or they alter it before every wedding.
Honestly, I'm put off by all of you automatically thinking bad of people. It shows immaturity, jealousy, and not fargining.

amother

DarkKhaki

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 11:57 am

To each her own
Have bought a 300 dress at a top department store and paid to have it built up was gorgeous another time didn’t find and
Had a dress made about 1000
Both gorgeous
And have had luck buying online with good return policy and choosing and building up
Have also found at gemachs
Hit or miss
Mazel Tov!

amother

Rainbow

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 12:04 pm

ChutzPAh wrote:

I’m just impressed that middle age women or older can fit in to the same dresses for years
to rewear them. Kol hakavod just for that.

I know. They're so young when they first marry off. Think 42. Kudos to them that they can wear it when they're 50 and up.

amother

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 12:47 pm

amother [ NeonOrange ] wrote:

Sewed up for $500

she gave you the pattern/design or you did that?

amother

Dustypink

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 1:15 pm

amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:

This has always piqued my curiosity. In most cases, the average person doesn't have the understanding of what makes that fabric so unique and special. To them, the fabric looks just as pretty as simpler fabrics. What's the value of spending so much on an expensive fabric, when most people can't tell the difference? Unless the fabric is something really out there, the fabric isn't what makes the dress stand out from cheaper options. As my bobby used to say in yiddish "As men darf farshtein tzi de kleid, iz es aroisgevarfene gelt'. (If you have to understand to the dress, it's money in the garbage.)

As for quality, I don't see the value in focusing on that either for a dress that will be worn a couple of times only. If you're buying something that is to be work frequently, quality matters. But for a simcha gown that you wear a couple of times, who cares about top-notch quality. Average basic quality works equally well. There's no benefit to quality in this regard.

What really makes a dress look beautiful is the fit and style of it. If you wear a gown that's styled to your figure and fits you well, it is what makes the statement. Even a simple gown will make you glow and look your best if its well fitted and designed to enhance your figure. I'll take such a gown any time over one that is focused on the fabric and quality.

Additionally, I don't see how the word 'value' can be applied to a gown. It has no value to it in itself. It's resale value is very low, and even that depreciates very quickly. There's no value to it at all.

Personally, I think people just attribute price to beauty. If its more expensive, then it's prettier. That's just really a wrong mindset. I've seen expensive gowns that looked horrid, and I've seen very cheap gowns that looked beautiful & regal.

amother

Opal

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 1:23 pm

Don’t know if anyone’s mentioned this, but try Gowns By Shevy.

watergirl

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 1:25 pm

amother [ Opal ] wrote:

Don’t know if anyone’s mentioned this, but try Gowns By Shevy.

OP seems not to be wanting to shop and buy a gown, but to discuss why they are so pricey in some places.

amother

Cornsilk

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 1:44 pm

Come to Israel. I was at 3 weddings within the past 4 months. Families outfitted their children and themselves for a few hundred Shekel only. Gorgeous Gowns. Don't waste your money. I am sure you can find gowns for a fraction of what you wrote.

Fox

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 1:45 pm

Am I the only one who finds it a little weird that women put so much effort into looking spectacular when they're the mother-of-the-bride? I'm not saying that we shouldn't look great and feel beautiful. But the day is supposed to be about the kallah -- she's the one who is supposed to shine. We already had our big day!

When I see photos of kallahs with their overly-groomed and outfitted mothers, I often get the sense that mom is trying just a little too hard to demonstrate that she's still young, stylish, and attractive.

For the first wedding we made, I bought a navy sequined skirt online for about $60 and an organza kimono-style jacket in a matching color from an Etsy seller for about $50. I wore a plain long-sleeved shell underneath with pearls. At the next wedding we made, I got exactly the same ensemble in grey.

No, Anna Wintour wasn't banging on my door, begging me to appear on the cover of Vogue. If a fancier gown would have resulted in that, I might have reconsidered. But I looked fine, and my daughters looked gorgeous -- and that's how it should be.

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