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amother
Mayflower
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 Sun, Jun 18 2023, 10:50 am
| amother Puce wrote: | I'll be the dissenting voice here. Aryeh is healing from terrible trauma, he could probably be diagnosed with c-ptsd. You know the oxygen mask mashal everyone uses to tell mothers to do self care? Yeah. Same thing here. He needs to learn how to be a person again. No one said healing was pretty.
No it's not an ideal way to do it with his wife, kid etc but guess what that's healing too! People healing from trauma are, guess what, pretty darn imperfect and that does play out in ways very similar to this. They need to be selfish in order to heal. They physically can't go on with regular life with their insides all tzumisht. I'm not saying everyone will do this, but it's very normal, and makes sense, to have to neglect other responsibilities - hopefully temporarily - in order to heal.
I'm saying this as someone who had to heal from trauma, and married to someone who is currently healing from trauma. Shout all you want about how he shouldn't abandon his wife and how the therapist shouldn't be telling him these things, but this part of the serial is very true to my experience. |
Yes but there's ways to deal with trauma without acting like an irresponsible child. "Hey Miri, I'm dealing with a lot right now and I can't be the husband and father that you need right now. Can we put supports in place for you and baby so that I can focus on healing and we can get through this? Otherwise, I'm afraid I'm going to keep spiraling"
If the whole shtick with this therapist is that he's point blank telling him what he needs to heal, he should tell him what healthy empathy looks like in the meantime or, at the very least considering he was initially hired as a marriage counselor, clue Miri in to what's going on so that there's an environment for healing not just creating more trauma
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amother
Puce
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Sun, Jun 18 2023, 11:07 am
| amother Mayflower wrote: | Yes but there's ways to deal with trauma without acting like an irresponsible child. "Hey Miri, I'm dealing with a lot right now and I can't be the husband and father that you need right now. Can we put supports in place for you and baby so that I can focus on healing and we can get through this? Otherwise, I'm afraid I'm going to keep spiraling"
If the whole shtick with this therapist is that he's point blank telling him what he needs to heal, he should tell him what healthy empathy looks like in the meantime or, at the very least considering he was initially hired as a marriage counselor, clue Miri in to what's going on so that there's an environment for healing not just creating more trauma |
I agree that's what he should do, however it's quite realistic that this is what he's actually doing. The therapist point I could see going either way.
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amother
Vermilion
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Sun, Jun 18 2023, 3:57 pm
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Confused why miri says he's the best thing that ever happened to her!?!?
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amother
Honey
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Thu, Jun 22 2023, 10:18 pm
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amother
Honey
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Sat, Jun 24 2023, 9:12 pm
Sounds like Aryeh's chavrusa is going thru some shalom bayis problems and Aryeh will be able to help him?
Bella abruptly closed her baking business. People are gossiping it's because her son isn't helping her any more and she got estranged from her mother.
Wonder why Nechama disappeared from her school dinner where she was being honored. Rushed to Bella or Miri after hearing all that?
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amother
Sand
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Sat, Jun 24 2023, 9:23 pm
| amother Puce wrote: | I'll be the dissenting voice here. Aryeh is healing from terrible trauma, he could probably be diagnosed with c-ptsd. You know the oxygen mask mashal everyone uses to tell mothers to do self care? Yeah. Same thing here. He needs to learn how to be a person again. No one said healing was pretty.
No it's not an ideal way to do it with his wife, kid etc but guess what that's healing too! People healing from trauma are, guess what, pretty darn imperfect and that does play out in ways very similar to this. They need to be selfish in order to heal. They physically can't go on with regular life with their insides all tzumisht. I'm not saying everyone will do this, but it's very normal, and makes sense, to have to neglect other responsibilities - hopefully temporarily - in order to heal.
I'm saying this as someone who had to heal from trauma, and married to someone who is currently healing from trauma. Shout all you want about how he shouldn't abandon his wife and how the therapist shouldn't be telling him these things, but this part of the serial is very true to my experience. |
Ok, I want him behaving just as nicely when it’s gonna be Miri’s turn to start healing From all the trauma that he inflicted on her.
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amother
Honey
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Sat, Jul 01 2023, 10:51 pm
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Look at that 180 degrees turn on Bella's part, so far only in regards to Mrs T
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amother
Cerise
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Sat, Jul 01 2023, 10:58 pm
| amother Honey wrote: | | Look at that 180 degrees turn on Bella's part, so far only in regards to Mrs T |
So unrealistic it's ridiculous.
If Mrs. T. was really abusive, Bella wouldn't suddenly be doing that 180.
And if Mrs. T. was really a wonderful mother, then Bella is sick and wouldn't suddenly be doing that 180.
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amother
Honey
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Sat, Jul 01 2023, 11:01 pm
| amother Cerise wrote: | So unrealistic it's ridiculous.
If Mrs. T. was really abusive, Bella wouldn't suddenly be doing that 180.
And if Mrs. T. was really a wonderful mother, then Bella is sick and wouldn't suddenly be doing that 180. |
And how that 180 degrees turn happened within one conversation.
Yeah, right.
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amother
Gardenia
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Sat, Jul 01 2023, 11:21 pm
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amother
Milk
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Sun, Jul 02 2023, 5:17 am
It started off so realistic and now it’s just lame.
None of it makes sense. It’s frustrating.
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amother
Gardenia
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Thu, Jul 06 2023, 12:19 pm
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Can anyone post an update?
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amother
Vermilion
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Sat, Jul 15 2023, 8:38 pm
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Anyone else disappointed?
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amother
Watermelon
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Sat, Jul 15 2023, 10:29 pm
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amother
Hawthorn
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Sun, Jul 16 2023, 4:43 am
Did everyone else also find the ending extremely unrealistic as far as people changing so dramatically and drastically? Maybe if it would start off as "Two years later" it would make sense for the parents to write such an apology letter, together.
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amother
Aster
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Sun, Jul 16 2023, 4:56 am
Thank you hawthorn
yes this you summed it up perfectly
like personality transplants could account for such a fast 180
I am so sorry and wish it were otherwise but unrealistic does not begin to cover it
unless the next line were : "and then they woke up and it was a shared fantasy dream, a goal to which they could ascribe to"
also, there's dysfunction and then there is abuse, manipulation, personality disorders...different places on the curve of dysfunction
while I wish it were otherwise and I believe in miracles it begs credibility to think they could have suddenly learned how to communicate and be attuned emotionally enough to write such a letter -- perhaps it should say "we wrote this in conjunction with our therapists"...and even then it would strain credibility
so as much as I prefer and enjoy happy endings...this was unsatisfying at best
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amother
Milk
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Sun, Jul 16 2023, 5:09 am
| amother Aster wrote: | Thank you hawthorn
yes this you summed it up perfectly
like personality transplants could account for such a fast 180
I am so sorry and wish it were otherwise but unrealistic does not begin to cover it
unless the next line were : "and then they woke up and it was a shared fantasy dream, a goal to which they could ascribe to"
also, there's dysfunction and then there is abuse, manipulation, personality disorders...different places on the curve of dysfunction
while I wish it were otherwise and I believe in miracles it begs credibility to think they could have suddenly learned how to communicate and be attuned emotionally enough to write such a letter -- perhaps it should say "we wrote this in conjunction with our therapists"...and even then it would strain credibility
so as much as I prefer and enjoy happy endings...this was unsatisfying at best |
This. The past few weeks the story stopped being realistic but this ending is just the next level impossible. No one, and I mean no one has the ability to make a full 180 overnight. Extremely disappointing.
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amother
Aster
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Sun, Jul 16 2023, 5:50 am
Yes
Extremely disappointing
And even a disservice to those dealing with dysfunction on an abusive level and entrenched ongoing for decades level described in this story
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amother
Jetblack
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Sun, Jul 16 2023, 6:41 am
Well, I guess it fits in with the Ami narrative, that all relationships are fixable and therefore no one should ever be estranged from their parents. That parents are capable of turning into this with just a little bit of motivation.
In my own case, I would sooner believe my parents would sprout wings and fly than write such a letter.
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amother
Aster
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Sun, Jul 16 2023, 6:43 am
I’m so sorry for your pain jet black
Hugs and hatzlocha
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