Not making it help

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

Not making it help

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Around how much do you make

Under 100k

49%

[ 76 ]

100-200k

37%

[ 57 ]

200-300k

13%

[ 20 ]

Total Votes : 153

amother

Ivory

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 10:57 am

We make a combined $80k before taxes. We have three kids (expecting our fourth, BH)

We don't get any programs except Jersey Care for the kids.

We are extremely tight.

amother

Linen

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 11:08 am

We make about 130k combined with 4 kids and we're drowning further and further into debt.
After taxes and health insurance we take home closer to 80k.
I'm not sure what we need to do, but we need to something quick Crying

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 11:12 am

I’m just surprised that you would think you wouldn’t be tight I guess.

My husband makes 180 before taxes, we live in an area with a slightly higher cost of living than Lakewood and I know I have to work if I want to be sending my kids out/ buying lunch/ having cleaning help etc. especially since we don’t yet have a house but even without that. Life is expensive as soon as you add in even the most basic seeming extras.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 11:22 am

2 kids here my husband makes about 60k after taxes (no tax refunds as the federal refund goes straight to the city taxes plus we pay some more) plus his boss pays for car and everything car related.
We pay rent of $2100/month
Childcare of $475/month
Life Insurance $190/month for both of us
Electric avg of $120/month
Maaser about $470/month

Plus other expenses and we’ve been living the credit card cycle of paying off only statement balances. And I can never seem to catch my tail.
We’ve done some no spending months but it hasn’t helped much.
Thankfully HaShem has been sending us money left and right like Unemployment being extended for a long time etc….

My goal has always been at least 100k and doesn’t seem like that’s even enough.

We live in Brooklyn so far.

amother

Pink

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 11:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My oldest is 3 so I’m paying $600for day camp and then $400 for play group ( my baby will be joining a group soon) for $600 a month

Rent is 1,500 plus utilities
Electricity $175
Heat/ gas $75
Water $80

We own one car are second car is around $300
Car insurance $219
Gas is around $150
Internet $50

We have private insurance from my husbands work they take it off is salary (idk how much)

I have therapy for one of my kids $640 a month

Cleaning lady $320 a month

We have life insurance but no retirement plan

Nix the cleaning lady and you'll have $3,840 extra per year.
After only 3 years thats $11,500 youve saved.

Ive nixed the cleaning lady myself (thats how I have the nerve to talk) and believe me, it can be very doable. BH I can afford cleaning help but I choose to save extra money instead so we can have some savings

amother

Pink

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 11:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Mani $80
Waxing $100
Gym $80

Hang on, this is per month?
I thought it meant per year.
If this is per month then you're simply living too high for your income. This is all extras. Youre living the high life on a regular income.

What ive done is gotten used exercise equipment for bubkas and worked out from home, gotten manis for yomtov only at $12 a manicure and did my nails at home the rest of the year, and I bought an at home waxing kit and waxed myself. A bit messy, but the savings is huge.

When you have a lot more money one day BEH, OP, then you can go back to these extras

amother

Daphne

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 11:58 am

If you write everything out you can decide where you want to cut back. You're spending a lot of money, and it's not bare necessities either. Either you'll end up in debt or you can bring it more money. Otherwise you'll have to spend less.

dinglehopper

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 12:00 pm

Like the others have said, you are living above your means. You either need to make more or spend less. And I suggest this now before there are more kids and many more expenses.

theoneandonly

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:04 pm

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

If you're living off credit cards I don't think you should be paying maaser

amother

Cinnamon

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:07 pm

theoneandonly wrote:

If you're living off credit cards I don't think you should be paying maaser

Many people see significant benefit when giving maaser. It may not seem to make sense financially, but Hashem isn't limited to logic.

amother

Pink

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:09 pm

amother [ Cinnamon ] wrote:

Many people see significant benefit when giving maaser. It may not seem to make sense financially, but Hashem isn't limited to logic.

Our Rav told us we were not supposed to be paying masser, when we were in a similar situation

amother

Cinnamon

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:10 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

Our Rav told us we were not supposed to be paying masser, when we were in a similar situation

Halachically you are probably not required to, but for us when we started giving maaser (despite not being obligated) our financial situation significantly improved.

mha3484

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:14 pm

I have kids that have gotten therapies during the year $640 a month would be an absolute no. That is almost 8k a year. I find providers that take my insurance or I have applied for grants from my community. Are you sure you need to pay that much?

amother

Pink

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:18 pm

amother [ Cinnamon ] wrote:

Halachically you are probably not required to, but for us when we started giving maaser (despite not being obligated) our financial situation significantly improved.

I hear you, and its possible it happened because you gave masser. Its also possible it happened and had nothing to do with you giving masser. Really only Hashem knows.
I suggest people in this situation ask their Rav what to do.
I should add that we were not asking our Rav for a way out, because we did not want to give masser...it was not like that at all. It came up, and he very clearly told us that the mitzvah of masser does not apply to people in our situation.

watergirl

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Gifts add up but how can I not buy people gifts?
Mani $80
Waxing $100
Gym $80

With all due respect, and I really mean it, and I know others have said the same to you... you are not working. If you are literally not surviving as you said in your OP, why are you spending on waxing, gym membership, a cleaning lady, and playgroup?

Things like rent, utilities, etc. are non-negotiables. A cleaning lady may be a necessity for a family with two full time working parents or someone who has physical limitations/illness. A healthy person who is not working and is not able to survive on their income is not in a position for a cleaning lady to the tune of $3,840/year. My husband and I work more than full time and have a cleaning lady for $40/week (that's 2 hours a week), $1,200/year and that is a real luxury for us. Gym, manicures, waxing each month - this right here is the reason you are not making it. These things are really nice to have if you have extra money, but you do not. And don't feel bad - most people don't!!

For a playgroup solution, try this (I did this for 3 years when I worked nights!). We made a neighborhood round-robin with 5 moms who were home during the day and had kids of playgroup age but no money to send out. We each took one day at our house, and every day was at another person's house. Everyone paid for only what they needed in their home on their day. It works amazingly well. If you can do this, you've saved yourself a TON of money! You have two kids, so in theory it means you'd have 2 days and 2 groups. You said you live in Lakewood, I would imagine there are certainly 4 other women who would love to join you in this. I did it with people who were total strangers at the start.

I am confused as to why you would start your baby in a playgroup at $600/month, considering you are home all day not working. What am I missing here? This is at least $6,000 a year, and you do not have money for it. To be blunt, the baby should be home with you until they are 3 at least, round robin for ages 3 and 4, then start school. This is what we do when we cant afford the alternative.

Last edited by watergirl on Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:29 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cinnamon

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:22 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

True! Our Rav told us that if you see a bracha in something, it may be important for you, even if it's not a halachic obligation. Since we saw a bracha in giving the maaser, we were told that it may be appropriate for us to continue.

(We asked because we thought we should instead give that money to tuition, but when we tried to stop giving maaser, we ended up with less overall and didn't end up having more for tuition either.)

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:41 pm

OP it seems from your posts that you don’t work at all and you have a child who can’t be more than two who you plan to send to playgroup in the fall. Is this correct?

amother

Snapdragon

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:10 pm

By giving up the cleaning lady, the gym, the manicure and waxing, you are saving $580 per month. Take $500 every month and stash it in a retirement account. The extra $80 can be used for the supplies you’ll need to do self care at home. Try it as a six month pilot project. The sense of security that you will have will make up for doing your own pampering.

amother

Cinnamon

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:17 pm

OP, I don't know if you're looking for ways to cut or not, but your budget has a lot of places to if you want to.

I know a bunch of people jumped on the cleaning lady, gym, waxing, and manicures.

Others pointed out that if you are a SAHM, playgroup may not be an actual necessity.

There's also the second car. If you're not working, do you REALLY need two cars? Can you try crunching the numbers and see if occasional taxis might be cheaper? That second car is costing you at least $400 a month, between the car payment and the insurance. (Your other car is probably way cheaper insurance because it isn't financed.)

I know it's easier to just change where you grocery shop, because these other changes will definitely impact your day-to-day life. But if you want to have enough money to save and not be tight every month, you do have the ability to slash well over $1,000 from your monthly budget.

amother

Obsidian

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Food is around 1,000
Clothing I buy exactly what I need ( mostly HM for kids and shab cheapest Jewish store I can find)
Idk how to cut down on house hold stuff I buy mostly from target

We rent
Furniture we spent 10,000 in last year not planning on buying anything else
Gifts add up but how can I not buy people gifts?
Mani $80
Waxing $100
Gym $80

I checked off the highest income bracket in this poll. I do my own nails. Don’t spent nearly that much on waxing. Although I do work, I work part time and don’t send my baby out. I don’t think I’ve spent $10k total on furniture in the past 18 years. I say all this with no judgment, because there were times in my life where I had significantly less income but still felt I needed to spend on self care for my mental health. However, I’m surprised that you are shocked you aren’t making it… because you do seem to be spending a lot for the amount of income you bring in.

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