What’s the average cost to marry off a girl these days?

m-u-a-mama

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 7:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Op here

I’m plotzing. Total $100,000 WITH a takanah wedding!?!? Whoa, things are much more expensive than I realized.

Help me out with some details if you don’t mind…
Did you do takanah with any upgrades? I thought a takanah wedding is about $20,000, so 10k per side.
Did you splurge on expensive clothing, apartment set up, wigs, Etc? High end Chosson gifts?

K realize one thing
The hall she used is considered very high end, second to nicest in Lakewood
There are waaaay cheaper ones
Not trying to get personal, just saying that may or may not translate into other decision she made

Also I don't know if you saw the thread recently about the kallah who HAD to have the makeup artist who charges $700+
And I said, I charge $70. $90 for bride. I am always booked bh.

Yes as someone said above it's not where you're saving major money but it's an attitude

Decide where you (gen) want to splurge but then don't wonder how you got to that total!

tichellady

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 7:35 pm

do people not get wedding gifts? I got all my kitchen stuff as gifts. we got the rest of our furniture for free or very cheap from people moving. fwiw my family is fine financially but I wasn't asking my parents to buy me furniture. they paid for our wedding but not our furniture or houseware

amother

Lemonchiffon

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 8:13 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

We married off two kids already and our third and fourth are currently engaged b"h. The first two were upgraded tekunos weddings and after all was set and done, it costed us $100K each. Due to inflation, I expect to pay the same (or more) for my next two. We are middle of the road Lakewood. We didnt go crazy, nor did we go cheap. My kids got decent furniture (not italian or high end etc) and our furniture and home budgets were based on Chasunah packages. So where did we spend the big amounts? Wedding, Sheva Brochos, Vort, Gifts, Wigs, Furniture, Clothing (both bride and family) gowns, Apartment Set Up and advance rent, among others... it adds up very quickly.Though we had no idea how we would marry off as we did not have much in savings, we've learned that hashem really truly comes through for us. We pretty much lived on a budget all our life, but marrying off a child comes with pretty big expenses. I personally cannot imagine how people spend only 20-50K.

can I ask how Hashem came through for you? Sounds interesting!

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 9:14 pm

Our son recently got married.

We’d planned on spending 30k but spent 40. Middle of the road Lakewood.

Jewelry for the kallah was about 6k. The catered afruf was 10K, we had about 100 people for Shabbos. Some of our gowns were cheap rentals, some pricey rentals, some free (borrowed), one custom made because of an unusual size. Chosson classes 500. Chosson wardrobe probably 2k. No new Sheitels. Upgraded the band at the wedding to a better sound system so it wouldn’t need to be so loud, since I can’t stand loud music. I got some new afruf/sheva Brachos clothing that will be my Yom Tov new clothing for the next season.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 9:16 pm

Just estimated the cost to marry off our dd in NY and it is about 75k. I'm sure it can be done cheaper and I am sure it can be done more expensively too. Gowns/Sheitels are examples of items that can be done for less (or more) than what we spent.

amother

Poinsettia

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:09 am

How the flip is your typical Lakewood family with 8-12 kids supposed to make a wedding just about every other year at 60-70k a piece? Most families I know aren’t making over 250k a year. How the world do you come up with 70k extra semiannually? Sounds like the system has completely gone off the rails. Why does an aufruf or a shabbos sheva brachos have to be a catered affair for 100 people- basically another wedding? Why can’t the young couple celebrate within their parents means? Just completely insane.

boysrus

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:18 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

thank you for writing what I was thinking!
I recently made shabbos sheva brochos. It was close family only. No more than about 40 people. We managed to do it in our house, by moving some furniture around. Cooked most of it myself in the few weeks leading up to the wedding. Bought some things, didn't buy the highest-end paperware, and accepted any offers of help from friends, so I didn't have to make or buy any desserts, which was very helpful. Cost was nowhere near 10k. It wasn't even 1k! Probably about $500 or 600 dollars total. It was beautiful and intimate in our own home! All the teenage family members helped to serve the food.
Why oh why do people think they need to spend so much?

#BestBubby

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 1:24 am

boysrus wrote:

#BestBubby

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 1:30 am

Someone proposed that chosson and kallah pay for wedding

With an organization giving interest free loan.

Then everyone just has ONE wedding to pay for,
Not 7++

And chosson n kallah have much less "keep up with cohens" pressure, so they can keep it very simple, probably $20k.

And they are DONE, no paying for their children's weddings!

amother

Firethorn

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 1:37 am

Oh goodness I think that I'm really happy that I live in israel. These prices are absolutely outrageous! My son and his wife really wanted a nice wedding but it was about 250 guests. We spoke to the other side and we told them what we were comfortable spending and they said great was probably close to $15,000 for each side. That is not including anything besides the wedding like clothing but it did include everything the night of the wedding besides the things that each side took care of separately. And yes that price is in dollars not in shekels. Do people not realize that a wedding is literally one night and not the rest of their lives. Thank goodness we were able to help them out with rent for the first year and now it's been over a year and we continue to help them. No one is in kollel but we like to help our kids when we can because we know they are working hard and one of them is in school. We really hope that they will be independent one day. Had we pay that kind of money for the wedding I don't think we would have money to spare to help them out. Wow have things gotten out of control. How is 75,000 even close to normal? I mean we could easily afford that but I just don't think that's where our priorities lie. We are quite comfortable financially and that number is just completely out of any realm that I would ever consider spending for one party.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 3:55 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

Aufruf and SB: ***Depends on family size***

Today niece of DH is getting married. Chosson is child nr.12 out of 13. Kallah child nr. 4 of 7.
We made an estimation of the upcoming Shabbos SB. It came to AT LEAST 90 persons and even more. That is *only* core family! No uncles no aunts no friends.
With 90 person (and possibly more) core family you need catering and you need some kind of hall.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 4:26 am

boysrus wrote:

If you have Shabbos SB for double digit families (core family from both sides excluding uncles and aunts) you simply need catering and a hall. How many people have space for sit down dinners for 90-100 people?

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 4:37 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Theoretically and in principal I tend to agree.
However the Gmarah says fathers are responsible to marry off their daughters (but not sons)

WitchKitty

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 4:44 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

A hall, yes.
Catering, no.
Many chareidi families cook the shabbos sheva brachos, usually dividing the food. Many times they divide the meals- one side makes each meal- each can decide if it's catered or not- then shalosh seudos is basic, mainly leftover dips, salads, etc.
And when you have so many siblings, they all pitch in and each makes something. It's not complicated.