S/O - After school - TV time or computer time?

imaima

Fri, Dec 02 2022, 2:30 am

amother OP wrote:

Reading the other after-school thread, I was so surprised no one mentioned that their children use the TV/ipad/computer for games or shows after school.

I let my kids play/watch for 30-45 min per day.

Am I the only one?

So curious.

No you are not the only one.
But I feel like when people ask about after school activities, they don’t want to hear about screen time

amother

Lily

Fri, Dec 02 2022, 9:14 am

Not sure how to vote -
No screen time in our house, ever. I used to allow it sometimes but it just made the kids cranky.
However my kids have Gameboys which they are allowed to use every day for up to 45 minutes. Some days they use up the allotted time and some days they don't touch it.

amother

Orange

Fri, Dec 02 2022, 9:20 am

amother Bellflower wrote:

Just asking because I'm surprised, maybe clueless, really not judging-
There are frum families who watch TV?

I don't think that most frum families who "watch TV" are watching it in the old sense of having a bunch of channels that you surf through freely. We don't have cable, but we do have access to video content via internet, some of which we consider acceptable for our kids. This includes certain children's TV shows.

We have a large wall-mounted TV screen that serves as a monitor to watch this video content. I prefer that my children watch this way, rather than on a small device or computer, because then DH and I can see exactly what they are watching as we go about our business cooking dinner and so on. And they also know that whatever they watch is on public display.

amother

Navyblue

Sat, Dec 03 2022, 2:37 pm

amother Orange wrote:

Where do you live that that’s an okay practice for a frum family? Rlly curious

amother

cornflower

Sat, Dec 03 2022, 6:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

You are certainly not the only one. My older kids (teens) are usually on their phones when they come home. My son doesn’t come home until at least 7:00 (usually later) usually and my daughter comes home around 6:00, with me. My younger ones get picked up between 3:45-4:15 and then in the car I sometimes let them use my phone. One of my kids’ schools started a program last year where the kids don’t use technology during the week. I think it’s wonderful!! I couldn’t get my teens to do it, but my younger kids do.

amother

cornflower

Sat, Dec 03 2022, 6:50 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

Where do you live that that’s an okay practice for a frum family? Rlly curious

What exactly is the problem with this? Watching on a big screen, in a public room, is much better than being able to take a small device wherever one wants and not be worried that others will see what you’re watching.

amother

Orange

Sat, Dec 03 2022, 7:02 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

Where do you live that that’s an okay practice for a frum family? Rlly curious

We live in a small, but not tiny, OOT community. Two frum day schools, up to eighth grade, with boys and girls separated from K or first grade. We also have a boys' mesivta and a girls' high school. The day schools both have a mix of JPF, yeshivish, MO, and Chabad.

What is so shocking to you? The watching of non-Jewish video content? We are MO, but many of the non-MO families let their kids watch at least some non-Jewish movies and shows. The families that are more to the right don't have TV screens, but they let their kids watch on tablets or other devices. I prefer it on the big screen, where DH and I can see it.

amother

Cerise

Sat, Dec 03 2022, 7:13 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

Where do you live that that’s an okay practice for a frum family? Rlly curious

Lots of communities. I live in one area of monsey and have never seen a TV, at least no publicly displayed. It would probably get the kids kicked out of school in my schools.

But I have good friends that send to a variety of monsey schools where it’s totally acceptable, as long as the parents are monitoring what the kids watch it’s fine.

amother

Lightgray

Sat, Dec 03 2022, 7:13 pm

I found that (Jewish) videos/ screen time/ computer time really didn’t bring out my kids best.

There were times when I needed it when I had a few little ones, and I bought a lot of Jewish DVD’s and at one point we just stopped!

It was hard at first but they got used to it and started to get really creative with their toys, interacting so much more with each other, with our neighbors etc.

At this point, a few of the older ones asked for computer games (as well as ds/ iPads like their friends have..)
We said no to ds/ ipad etc- really didn’t like when they had their own device. It’s not productive for play or interaction at all.

But I did allow 20 min of computer games (that we approve of) on Fridays- after they help clean for Shabbos and are showered and ready. It’s like a compromise and they appreciate it, and it works for me as well on the busiest day of the week when they only have a half a day of school. My little ones can choose a Jewish video for their time.

amother

DarkKhaki

Sat, Dec 03 2022, 7:59 pm

I’m too embarrassed to post under my name, but I have multiple kids with autism/adhd, and I would be insane or dead if I didn’t give them screentime. Shabbos is utterly exhausting. I cannot have a moment to be “off duty”, they need supervision and entertainment and don’t have the social skills to get along with kids their age.

I have a lot of internalized shame and guilt for allowing them to “become addicts” (3+ hours of Minecraft a day, basically from the end of school until bedtime), but until someone else lives in my house and takes on the responsibility of “detoxing” them and somehow granting them the self-regulation skills I’ve been working on for over a DECADE, this is the Lesser Evil. Some people use screentime to survive Erev Shabbos, or Erev Pesach, or a long drive, and some people don’t get to leave Survival Mode for years at a time.

And I’m trying to be gentler on myself for surviving as best I can.

On a thread like this, where the “never screentime” people can stand proud, I will offer support to the people who are coping with the tools and situation they’ve got.