Name a question that can't have a sensitive answer.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:01 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

These are all questions you can ask a complete stranger.

If someone only asks these types of questions to friends, family or acquaintances, then it is very socially off and leaves ZERO room for a relationship.

Yes, but once you start the conversation with these neutral Q's, the other person may give you openings to ask more personal Q's, if you read their cues (no pun intended) correctly.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:06 pm

LeeR wrote:

The only question I can think of that wouldn’t have a potentially sensitive answer is “what is your name?”

But what is the point of knowing someone’s name if you can’t know anything else about them Wink

Actually, joking aside, for me, getting asked my name is a bit sensitive. My English name is spelled differently to the norm in the country I am living in. This is different to my birth country. So people who read my name mispronounce it and people who ask me my name misspell it where I live. So even that question for me is sensitive and I am not an overly sensitive person. LOL

It is probably better not to ask anything these days. 🤫😬🤐 Rolling Laughter

amother

NeonYellow

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:08 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

Yes, but once you start the conversation with these neutral Q's, the other person may give you openings to ask more personal Q's, if you read their cues (no pun intended) correctly.

Sorry, the only way to start a relationship is by asking neutral questions?

Person A- where’s the bathroom?
Person B- to the left.
Person A- thanks. What time is it?
Person B- 4:30
Person A- ok. What street is after 42nd?
Person B- 43rd.
Person A- thanks. How are you?

Sounds bizarre

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:12 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

You're taking this way too literally, lol. There's a way of warming up slowly to asking real Q's , reading the other person, telling them facts about yourself and gauging their reaction, etc. Obviously not in a socially off way. I can't really explain it but I think most people probably do it instinctively without even realizing.

Also, the way people are, most will not just answer a question with a one-syllable answer if they're interested in shmoozing and they see that you are, too.

RevitalizedMom

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:13 pm

I think people need to stop feeling threatened by questions. The possibility of feeling slight discomfort seems so daunting that people just want to prevent it at all costs.

Sorry. Life is full of uncomfortable feelings. If a question makes you feel uncomfortable, start learning to have better answers. Or just embrace your feelings. We’re not talking about extremely personal stuff here (which I’ll agree has no place in conversations unless it’s mutually desired).

I think we all need to relax and feel more comfortable with ourselves, even when we’re not where we want to be yet.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:13 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

If a person only asks neutral questions then quite possibly they don’t want to start a new relationship. 🤷🏻‍♀️

amother

NeonYellow

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:14 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

Talking about yourself can come across as self centered. It’s much more polite to ask people about themselves rather than talk about yourself.
While we’re at it, it can be insensitive and triggering to talk about yourself. Maybe the other person grew up with selfish parents.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:17 pm

LeeR wrote:

Some people would prefer not to make new relationships vs feel uncomfortable in social situations. I disagree that people are obligated to “learn” to have “better answers” in social situations. It is perfectly acceptable not to chit chat with someone if you don’t want to. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable and obligated to talk.

I personally do indeed avoid chit chat because (a) I am an introvert and chatting socially drains me completely and (b) it is VERY difficult to avoid LH if you start chatting at a Simcha because you often start chatting about the people you know. I personally would rather be seen as socially “off” due to my perfunctory questions than be forced into listening to LH.

I am comfortable with myself, I just don’t want to share myself with random strangers.

RevitalizedMom

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:21 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

Ok, so you can always say you’re not comfortable answering certain questions.
But omg people on here are really taking this far.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:25 pm

LeeR wrote:

Ok, so you can always say you’re not comfortable answering certain questions.
But omg people on here are really taking this far.

I don’t have to say I am not comfortable. I can express my discomfort by walking away. I am not obligated to answer.

The OP was a joke I think. Or a commentary on how sensitive people are. We have just veered of subject a bit. I don’t think anyone is actually taking this thread seriously!

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:27 pm

There are ways to phrase questions so that they are less intrusive/personal
Eg where did you go in the holidays -> did you manage to get away in the holidays
Eg how do you know the baalei Simcha -> do you know the chosson or the kallah
Eg wasn’t the traffic crazy today -> how did you get to the hall/did it take you long to get here

Or just start with a compliment or comment, instead of question
Eg that colour looks fabulous on you!
Eg doesn’t the bar mitzvah boy look cute in his hat!
Eg aren’t these flowers stunning !

Or being British, the weather is always topic of conversation number 1:
Eg wow hasn’t it been hot/cold/rainy today/this week.
Eg I prefer the cold to the rain, what about you?
Eg I love the way your wellies match your coat 😉

amother

NeonYellow

Thu, Dec 29 2022, 2:31 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

If you’re uncomfortable with a question someone asks, you just up and walk away? Never heard that one before.