The socially off things people say and do

amother

Iris

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 12:54 pm

amother Jade wrote:

Sfardi chassidish means that my grandparents come from sfardi country moved to North America and mingled with chasidish crowd sent to chasidish schools etc. If you see me you wouldn’t assume I’m sfardi but ppl that know me do know it’s not a secret lol
My hub is ashkenaz and all my kids are blonde besides 1 has brown hair.
My grandparents are not from South America but from a different sfardi country

We happen to be from Hungarian descent but are darker skinned.
You can’t imagine how many people question my heritage, try figuring out where I’m from, and not believing me….

amother

Rose

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 10:17 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

I'm married for a year, not pregnant yet.
I can't even tell you how many times people greet my stomach and not me!! Can't Believe It

I play it back at them:
Sometime I stick out my stomach, or give a small wave over my stomach. LOL

They usually get the hint!

This is your own assumption and feelings probably. I'm in a center of a baby booming frum neighborhood I wouldn't give a hoot about someone being pregnant within first 2 years of marriage.

Its way less popular now to have a baby right away even in Chasidisha world.

amother

Rose

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 10:21 pm

Most of the things here are not in least bit offensive or socially off but probably in the context of how it was presented along with the deep sensitive spot it hit it was seen as "socially off"

This thread is too cancel culture and 2023...

We all have our moments and calling anyone that might've offended you socially off is just as socially off.

Sorry for those that I've just offended

amother

Blue

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 10:30 pm

amother Rose wrote:

Wrong. Most are very socially off.

out-of-towner

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 10:54 pm

Literally right as DSs surgeon was about to go in to operate on my 15 month old, after explaining the potential risks and what he might have to do, he says to us "this is the most risky tonsillectomy I have ever done." This was the head ENT of a large hospital.

BH BH the surgery was a success. But it's been almost 7 years and I haven't forgotten that comment. (And yes DS was a complex and scary case. And there was a lot more being done in that surgery than just a partial tonsillectomy. And BH DS was too young to remember it.)

amother

Hibiscus

Mon, Jan 09 2023, 11:24 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Lol. No words.

I have never met anyone who does not wash their hands after changing a dirty diaper.

You can ask me only when you saw me change my child and not wash them.

I have a close family member who thinks if she doesn’t visibly see her hands dirty she doesn’t have to wash after she changes a DIRTY diaper. She was at my house and I saw she changed a dirty diaper and didn’t wash her hands so I “hinted” (I forgot how) and she was like why? My hands didn’t get dirty? But she washed them because she saw I was grossed out.

I was a guest one time at someone’s house for a shabbos meal and I saw how the mom changed a dirty diaper, didn’t wash her hands, and then brought the challahs to the table by holding them in her bare hands. I ate a tiny piece after we washed (tried not to think about it) and then didn’t eat anything else.

amother

Tomato

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 2:51 pm

I know this is not really socially off just cringeworthy.

My 10 yo daughter came with me to work one day this week.
Shes 10.
Sometimes she can be a bit chutzpadik and answers back.
Another workmate came up to me and said "wow shes confident, thats what ...(name of school..) does to them."
Ugh I felt so put off!!

I was sitting with another workmate and another teacher.
One workmate started saying that shes happy to do 1:1 in work but once she worked in a special needs school and never again she said.
She literally couldnt handle.
She said a 12 yo was running round the room like an 8 yr old.

Well yea they have special needs.
They act younger then they are!
I was cringing inside.
I have a child with some additional needs and he is 8 and sometimes acts like hes 5.
All I could do was cringe and hope inside she never meets him.

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 3:31 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

I know this is totally OT but this drives me nuts. When people don't adequately clean the baby they are changing.

I was at the home of a former neighbor, and she was changing the baby's dirty diaper. She just swiped him down with some dry tissues (no, it wasn't Shabbos....but if it was, there's spritz) to get the bulk of the dirt off. You could see a thin layer of brown still on the baby's skin. And she just put a clean diaper on, finished. Like, totally didn't get baby anywhere near perfectly clean.

I thought this was nuts, until sometime later, it happened again. I was at someone's house, different person, and they did the same thing.

Sorry if TMI but....do people really change a baby without thoroughly cleaning baby? That was just so gross. But I didn't say anything. I felt weird to be the lecturer on how to change your baby and clean him/her properly.

cupcake123

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 3:37 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

This sounds like such a compliment to me!

amother

Celeste

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 3:46 pm

amother Rose wrote:

Nope not assumptions at all.
I'm waiting a few years and it's specific people that do it.
Watch their eyes

amother

Viola

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 3:49 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Yes, agree 1000%!!

amother

NeonPurple

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 5:43 pm

One year, someone came to collect chametz I was offering right before Pesach. My daughter ,5, with HF ASD was confused and was exclaiming softly, "This is mine!" I did not want the person to feel bad so I explained that my daughter was delayed and I normally would tell my kid that it was not nice to say but the fact she is talking at all is huge. She straight up asked me if my daughter had issues. 😡

amother

Yellow

Wed, Jan 11 2023, 7:14 pm

In reference to not washing hands after using the bathroom-The lack of hygiene is not only gross but dangerous. I watched a woman find a period stain on the chair she sat on (it leaked through) she wiped it with a tissue and placed the bloody thing on the table right next to the challah and all the other delicatessens...

amother

Salmon

Tue, Jan 17 2023, 12:55 pm

Oh, I can make a whole list:
Eating fish with hands. I know it's a minhag but it's absolutely gross. Actually touching any food with bare hands is gross. Either use a utensil or at least put on gloves.
Agree on the not washing hands after bathroom or changing diaper or anything not sanitary grosses me out.

Ok, now here are some winner comments:
I told one of my parents that I'm starting to work from home, after many yrs out of the house. Instead of rejoicing for me, their first reaction was, "don't nosh". Sad

Then they continued to say it a few more times in other conversations. How utterly offensive and degrading.
another one from a parent:
When I told them I'm struggling to pay grocery bills:
Well then you have to be more careful with your shopping and not buy so much. Sad

When I mentioned to one of my parents about the recent tremendous simcha of a woman giving birth after so many years:
Well they must've done something strange. Sad

Mind you, I myself went thru IF, of course not that long and they have no idea what I went thru adn continue to go thru but still....now I know one of the many reasons I don't share this info w them.

It's so sad that I just laugh instead of crying.

ruby slippers

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 10:11 pm

Just today- My aunt asked- are you going to become a grandmother- you don't have to tell me, but I just saw a picture of DDIL and is she? - well none of your business, if she was we would tell you at the right time- don't ask...and that's just shana rishona- ds is a great cook : ).

amother

DarkMagenta

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 10:13 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

I need a vomit emoji here- ugh!

amother

Violet

Sun, Jan 22 2023, 10:48 pm

[quote="amother Dahlia"]I went thru several years of SIF and was BH pg. Woman asked me - at the bus stop, in front of my other child - how did you get pg?

This same genius recently asked me - how's your DD (shidduch age) doing? Does she get alot of dates?[/quote]

Ugh I get this a lot also (sometimes just how are shidduchim going and the answer is… they’re not particularly going Crying

) I never know what to respond. I don’t want to lie but I also don’t feel like sharing DD’s personal business.

amother

Sand

Mon, Jan 23 2023, 1:00 pm

[quote="amother Violet"]

amother Dahlia wrote:

I went thru several years of SIF and was BH pg. Woman asked me - at the bus stop, in front of my other child - how did you get pg?

This same genius recently asked me - how's your DD (shidduch age) doing? Does she get alot of dates?[/quote]

Ugh I get this a lot also (sometimes just how are shidduchim going and the answer is… they’re not particularly going Crying

) I never know what to respond. I don’t want to lie but I also don’t feel like sharing DD’s personal business.

How about:
"Why? You have a suggestion?"

Or just:
"Baruch Hashem."