The socially off things people say and do

newinbp

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:24 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

“So what are you doing these days?”
“Enjoying Chanukah, what else?”
“No, I mean, are you still not working? What do you do all day?”

I could never understand how this question is the least bit helpful or not judgemental. Like seriously, maybe I'm eating chips and doing nothing on my phone all day, and what?? Lol has no bearing on you and your life..thank you so much.

amother

Mintcream

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:28 pm

Another nice one is: "so where are your other kids?" (You have 1 kid with you)

Ummmm I don't have any other kids.....

Don't assume things about people's lives! And if you mistakenly do, apologize!

amother

Zinnia

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:31 pm

amother Peru wrote:

as if you can put in an order for the gender you want

Yes. People don't realize how hurtful this comment is. And the trying part or the implying of that part is a little intrusive of the husband/wife relationship I think.. Rolling Eyes

...

amother

Eggplant

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:32 pm

You 'only' have boys???
You only have 2 kids???
At least you don't have the 'issue' of going to PTA...
You know, I did ____ & ____ (tznius kabbala), and I immediately saw I yeshuah!
(Stressing on an area that she feels I need improvement).
Just listen to this shiur or do THIS segulah... you will see your yeshua right away!

amother

Chocolate

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:32 pm

I told my MIL my sis is expecting #10: "oy! With only 4 bedrooms! Are your parents happy?"

amother

Zinnia

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:33 pm

amother Beige wrote:

This is my life. My neighbor doesn't understand why I don't spend much time schmoozing with her anymore, this is the reason.

I can't believe how validating it is to hear that others feel the way I do about this. I just never imagined and have felt so alone in this regard. Thank you.

amother

Eggplant

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:37 pm

Actually comments I had recieved when living in a tiny apartment:
*Do you know that you're Abusing your children?!
*You're too choosy, you'll never move...
*Are you Planning to move ever???
*How do you MANAGE???
*Just take anything! Anything is better than this!
(DH was out of a job, we had no income, no resource of funding. Those who bugged in with those comments did not offer any financial aid).
We were dying to move. But how?

amother

Eggplant

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:41 pm

A comment from a sibling upon us having one (challenging) child through Fertility treatments, while she had a child yearly- 10 kids.
*How can you expect to have more children when you can barely manage One???

Comment from a parent when we were struggling financially:
*Does your husband not give you money?
*How much does your DH make weekly?

yachnabobba

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:43 pm

Thank you to whoever started this thread it’s given me such Chizuk

amother

Yarrow

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:49 pm

When I mention I had all c-sections, everyone suddenly feels like they deserve my entire medical history, as well as all of my family planning decisions...

amother

Crimson

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:57 pm

People have said so many stupid things to me over the years. I try to forget them right away.
*looks like you’re happy having only x amount of kids
*if you would’ve done xyz differently you wouldn’t go through abc
*how do you live in your small apartment with x amount of kids (are you offering money for us to move?)
*wow, you really have been making pesach at home ever since you got married?
*how come your sister/brother is doing xyz?

Adela

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:57 pm

Happened last week... pregnant in my 7th month and I was shopping in Neuschloss. A saleslady, not the one helping me overheard that I'm pregnant she says loudly "oh you have something in there? I thought you were just fat." Surprised

amother

Cyclamen

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 10:59 pm

“You have twins? Does it run in your family?”

People don’t realize what they are asking. No, it doesn’t run in my family. BH it was without treatment or anything like that, but this question can be so hurtful for those struggling with infertility that had twins from medication or treatment.

amother

Crimson

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:03 pm

amother Cyclamen wrote:

It’s a stupid question anyways since many forms of twins have nothing to do with genetics

amother

Whitesmoke

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:03 pm

After telling my MIL that we were (finally!) pregnant with our first baby, she immediately launched into a pregnancy horror story (miscarriage? Or something along those lines) that had happened recently to the daughter of a casual acquaintance of hers . Twisted Evil

Then she wondered why I barely spent any time with her during the rest of my pregnancy. Some people really have no clue.

amother

Iris

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:09 pm

So I have an acquaintance that’s always trying to help me with weight loss ideas….which I’m fine with….
Recently she mentioned that I should talk to X, someone she knows who was about my size and lost tons of weight….continuing on the conversation (in public) she says, you can’t imagine how big she was…like a building…like a mountain…and now she looks fantastic…..
Oh yeah…you just compared her size to me….?!thanks!

amother

Chartreuse

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:09 pm

This thread is so therapeutic!

When I had a preemie: "maybe it's because you took the Covid shot"
And yes, the "why doesn't your husband do xx" is always a great way to make sure I'll avoid talking to as much as possible

BH Yom Yom

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:12 pm

Oy. Just oy. Some of these comments are just…no words. What is wrong with people??

amother

Gladiolus

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:13 pm

I feel so bad that just tonight I asked a woman about her husband and she said oh, I’m divorced. I apologized for assuming but I feel terrible Sad

amother

Bone

Sat, Jan 07 2023, 11:14 pm

I carry big during pregnancies. I also am not too thin, and always have a stomach, pregnant or not. I was surprised that my landlady didn't realize I was pregnant because it was so obvious to everyone else. So of course, she needed to cover up her embarrassment by turning it around and making it "my fault" and compared me to my next door neighbor who is somewhat obese, "y'know, she always looks like she's pregnant even when she's not...."