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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, May 08 2023, 5:21 pm
amother Magenta wrote: | I once received a supper that looked like shabbos leftover. a kugel with a piece cut off.. a bit disturbing |
I don’t know how big the piece cut out was, but maybe her kid saw the kugel and tantrumed that he wanted some. Should sending over an uncut kugel trump letting your kid have a piece of what he really wants? Is your priority the impression you make and the DIGNITY of the whole kugel or your child’s happiness and feeling like he is your priority and the most important person in the world to you.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, May 08 2023, 5:23 pm
tichellady wrote: | move to a nicer community where people are appreciative of the time and effort people put into making a meal, even if it isn't their favorite meal ever |
Oh, this is what I have learned here. In my community we serve chicken (ie chicken on the bone), chulent, lasagna, and all sorts of things and people say thank you.
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amother
Mintcream
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Mon, May 08 2023, 5:25 pm
amother Hyacinth wrote: | This thread
I was very grateful when I received meals for a week from kind family and friends.
What was interesting was every night I received from a different person the SAME supper ☺ |
A relative of mine got married and every Sheva bruches meal - which was hosted by different friends and family each night - consisted of the exact same menu. Apparently they all cooked what was trendy then.
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amother
Whitewash
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Mon, May 08 2023, 5:31 pm
amother Magenta wrote: | I once received a supper that looked like shabbos leftover. a kugel with a piece cut off.. a bit disturbing | maybe that was a sample piece, taste-tested to make sure the kugel was good enough to send to you. Although I would have made a separate small kugelette for taste-testing purposes, maybe this woman didn't have a pan small enough for that.
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zaq
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Mon, May 08 2023, 5:35 pm
amother Fuchsia wrote: | I don’t know how big the piece cut out was, but maybe her kid saw the kugel and tantrumed that he wanted some. Should sending over an uncut kugel trump letting your kid have a piece of what he really wants? Is your priority the impression you make and the DIGNITY of the whole kugel or your child’s happiness and feeling like he is your priority and the most important person in the world to you. |
Sorry, no, huh-uh. A child has to learn that he can't always have what he wants when he wants. That kugel was a gift for someone else, and having a tantrum doesn't change that. The fact that Mommy makes something for someone else doesn't mean she loves him any less. Children have to learn how to share, and that includes Mommy's love and consideration.
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amother
Whitewash
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Mon, May 08 2023, 5:39 pm
amother Fuchsia wrote: | I don’t know how big the piece cut out was, but maybe her kid saw the kugel and tantrumed that he wanted some. Should sending over an uncut kugel trump letting your kid have a piece of what he really wants? Is your priority the impression you make and the DIGNITY of the whole kugel or your child’s happiness and feeling like he is your priority and the most important person in the world to you. |
I suppose YOU wouldn't mind getting a kugel that was missing a piece. YOU would of course say "Hey, her yingaleh must have begged for a piece, so of COURSE she had to give him a piece to show she loves him. His happiness is paramount, he's the most important person in the world, so what if she gives me something that looks like it was a mistake. " I'll bet.
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BrisketBoss
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Mon, May 08 2023, 5:41 pm
amother Fuchsia wrote: | I don’t know how big the piece cut out was, but maybe her kid saw the kugel and tantrumed that he wanted some. Should sending over an uncut kugel trump letting your kid have a piece of what he really wants? Is your priority the impression you make and the DIGNITY of the whole kugel or your child’s happiness and feeling like he is your priority and the most important person in the world to you. |
Was that for your child's sake or because you're uncomfortable with your child's normal emotions?
I'm the last person in the world to say a tantrum constitutes misbehavior or should be treated by ignoring the child, but tantrums can't be allowed to disrupt order. Tell yourself, "It's ok if my child is disappointed sometimes" and then make your decision.
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amother
Tomato
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:07 pm
amother Fuchsia wrote: | I don’t know how big the piece cut out was, but maybe her kid saw the kugel and tantrumed that he wanted some. Should sending over an uncut kugel trump letting your kid have a piece of what he really wants? Is your priority the impression you make and the DIGNITY of the whole kugel or your child’s happiness and feeling like he is your priority and the most important person in the world to you. | I was thinking maybe someone else in the family snuck a piece and recovered it, not knowing it was meant for another family, and the meal-sender never noticed.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:12 pm
My youngest is actually in shidduchim.
We never had this situation. I am trying to be D”LZ of the person who sent the kugel. Maybe it was fresh and she just cut a little piece. But yes, if I was sending over cookies, I would make sure I had for my children too and not send them all over. I was just relaying different sides of a situation, but thank you for the attack. On this site, nothing you do is right. And everyone is owed everything. Boo-hoo, the free meal my neighbor sent over isn’t good enough or my childhood was neglectful and my parents didn’t give me enough love or respect my needs. B”H my life and my community look nothing like this site.
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amother
Beige
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:16 pm
After one of my kids was born, a neighbor and good friend who hadn't grown up frum and didn't quite "get" a lot of the unwritten frum rules showed up with an 8 x 8 of cooked pasta. No sauce or cheese. I think she may have brought a salad also.
BUT, she walked into my house to hand it to me and promptly asked if she could do my dishes. To which I said yes.
The pasta wasn't much but the dishes and her friendship meant the world to me.
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amother
Beige
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:19 pm
Also, I have a friend who is a really really good cook. I wanted to make her something after she gave birth but I knew it would be hard to match her quality. I figured I would make her chicken and rice. Even though they aren't fancy, it can be nice enough and it was the best I could do.
I made my family the exact same thing that night. We went to eat it and it was still RAW. Like it had cooked a bit but was bright red inside and the rice was still hard.
I emailed her to apologize. She was very gracious but I did feel very embarrassed.
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BrisketBoss
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:28 pm
amother Beige wrote: | Also, I have a friend who is a really really good cook. I wanted to make her something after she gave birth but I knew it would be hard to match her quality. I figured I would make her chicken and rice. Even though they aren't fancy, it can be nice enough and it was the best I could do.
I made my family the exact same thing that night. We went to eat it and it was still RAW. Like it had cooked a bit but was bright red inside and the rice was still hard.
I emailed her to apologize. She was very gracious but I did feel very embarrassed. |
Ahhh I feel for you!
I haven't joined a meal train yet. I feel intimidated!
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amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:30 pm
BrisketBoss wrote: | Ahhh I feel for you!
I haven't joined a meal train yet. I feel intimidated! |
But you felt so quick to criticize when you thought I have a piece of the gift kugel to someone else. Interesting.
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BrisketBoss
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:32 pm
amother Fuchsia wrote: | But you felt so quick to criticize when you thought I have a piece of the gift kugel to someone else. Interesting. |
I was criticizing the idea that giving your child whatever they want because they tantrummed is good chinuch.
Actually the first place I thought you were going is maybe the child took some when no one was looking. In which case it might work out to leave a message explaining--then it's kind of cute instead of bewildering.
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Happykind
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:34 pm
After first baby. Meal train. Got a pan of rice with chicken bottoms on top and a roll of kishka in the same pan.
I come from a very Hungarian house with lots of food and I found it funny.
But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. It was just my first eye opener into different peoples cultures and foods.
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watergirl
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Mon, May 08 2023, 6:44 pm
Happykind wrote: | After first baby. Meal train. Got a pan of rice with chicken bottoms on top and a roll of kishka in the same pan.
I come from a very Hungarian house with lots of food and I found it funny.
But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. It was just my first eye opener into different peoples cultures and foods. |
And I’m reading this and filing it away under “one pan dinner ideas”. That sounds so good!!!
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amother
Almond
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Mon, May 08 2023, 7:23 pm
I know this was a mistake but I still remember it and laugh. Someone once sent us a Bundt cake wrapped nicely in cellophane- when we opened it there was one slice missing.
I’m positive it was a mistake and the sender would’ve been horrified if they knew.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, May 08 2023, 7:27 pm
BrisketBoss wrote: | I was criticizing the idea that giving your child whatever they want because they tantrummed is good chinuch.
Actually the first place I thought you were going is maybe the child took some when no one was looking. In which case it might work out to leave a message explaining--then it's kind of cute instead of bewildering. |
I will also point out that you don’t walk in someone else’s shoes. I was the BEST mom before I had kids. I knew all the proper ways to parent.
Maybe someone’s kid has special needs and giving them the kugel before they had a meltdown is lifesaver. Maybe someone’s DD had tons of girl drama and needs a little extra love. Maybe someone’s 5yo is just a really picky eater?
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amother
Pearl
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Mon, May 08 2023, 7:33 pm
I'll never forget this meal. The one and only I ever got after having a baby - this was my first baby and I had spent 2 weeks in my mother's house "being taken care of" (nope) and returned home 15 days postpartum the night before a simcha on the other side.
My husband picked up the food from a friend and dumped it on the table which was full of stuff. I saw a pan of pasta- I was a bit disappointed bc I don't eat that but okay, I'm not about to starve. After eating half the pan in desperation lol I start cleaning up and lo and behold- there was also soup, a salad with dressing on the side, a plate of brownies, fruit and even disposable goods.
I was blown away.
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amother
PlumPink
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Mon, May 08 2023, 7:43 pm
When my dad was very ill a neighbor once sent over warm farina for breakfast and he really appreciated it, being very nauseous and avoiding lots of food.
My mom thanked her profusely and told her how it saved the day…
From that day on, every morning at 8:00 there was a fresh pot of farina at the door, prepared with love.
It’s been 20 years, and we will never forget.
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