If you inherited a very expensive thing...

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amother

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 2:25 pm

amother Firebrick wrote:

I think it's weird to be wearing a rediculously expensive watch when you are on a lower budget lifestyle. Asking for tuition discounts whilst you are wearing such an expensive watch isn't a good idea. People are human and will judge you for it. I would sell it, maybe go on a vacation or buy something useful for your house. It really makes no difference how Hashem decides to give you your money. Could be fom your job, an inheritance or whatever. How you get it should have no bearing on how you spend it.

I'll admit my opinion may be biased bc I see no value in wearing something that expensive on your wrist. But, you asked, so I answered.

I appreciate your opinion and I did ask for it. Thank you. Can I dig a little more?

It is interesting to me that you suggested selling it and going on vacation, considering the tuition assistance committee asks about vacations, but not about jewelry. At least with a watch, I would have some thing to pass down.

Many people wear engagement rings that cost more than $5000. In fact, I would say most women do. My engagement ring was given to me after 10 years of marriage, the diamond is a half carat that was an earring (inheritance from my grandmother). Why is it acceptable for somebody in a low income bracket who receives tuition assistance to wear their considerable kallah jewelry, but when a woman in her 40s with very modest jewelry and in my financial bracket wears
an inherited expensive watch, people judge?

Is there a difference between wearing a very expensive thing on your finger vs. on your wrist?

Please be honest because I am asking and I would like to know. I’m trying to work through this.

amother

Quince

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 2:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

What about this, if it is a Cartier watch that is worth $8000, what about selling it and buying the $5000 Cartier watch that I actually prefer. Does that change the outlook?

If I am selling it anyway, is it irresponsible to use the money to buy something similar?

Eta- in my situation, it is actually two men’s Rolex watches from my father. They are 30 years old approximately. My husband wants one of them and my dream is to sell the other one and buy myself a Cartier watch that retails in the $5000 range.

But the reality is that we are not in the financial bracket that it would even look normal for me to be wearing this kind of thing.

Yes please do that!! You must have something enjoyable and luxurious every once in a while. It’s very important.

amother

Phlox

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 2:32 pm

I think a vacation is more ostentatious especially if you have school-aged kids and they talk. Jewelry has all sorts of fake imitations. That's what I'd assume if I saw someone who didn't match the bracket.

amother

Bergamot

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 2:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

The watch is in asset - the vacation is an expense.

If they aren't asking about the value of your Kallah Jewelry - they have no business asking about your watch.

amother

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 2:38 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

The watch is in asset - the vacation is an expense.

If they aren't asking about the value of your Kallah Jewelry - they have no business asking about your watch.

It was more in terms of that a mother fire brick said that I would be charged for wearing an expensive watch and asking for financial assistance; I’m wondering if people are judged for wearing expensive kallah jewelry and asking for financial assistance?

amother

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 2:39 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

That’s a really good point, especially with how common super fakes are today. Whenever I see people wearing a Cartier love bracelet for example, I always assume it’s a fake.

amother

Poppy

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 2:41 pm

I inherited a beautiful piece of jewellery that's worth about 20k. I wear it to weddings in town, it's in a safe and I promised my mother that I'll give it to my oldest daughter.

amother

Catmint

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 2:47 pm

Op do it. But maybe buy a watch that’s better quality like omega or tag Hauer. The cartiers are delicate and don’t necessarily last.

(I’m speaking as someone who pays full tuition though. I can’t weigh in on that aspect. I hear the dilemma.)

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 4:02 pm

I would consider a vacation after 20 years of not having one something that will benefit your whole family. I don't know how old your kids are and I'm not for fancy vacations but taking your kids away as a family at least once I think is Important to them.

Rightly, or wrongly it's become a cultural norm to wear expensive engagement rings. It's not the norm to wear rolex watches and so it will be looked at differently.

It's not in your best interest to start people in your wealth bracket wearing things they can't afford. One person does it and other people will follow. Use the money to buy something nice that people in your community and income bracket would have to wear for a wedding or nice occasion.
Use the rest of the money to give your family a break and a bonding experience they would never otherwise have.

If you walk around everyday with 5000 dollars on your wrist you are just going to feel confused and probably guilty.... But, I'm projecting bc I don't know you. But, if you were really OK with wearing such an expensive watch you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place.

writinggirl

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 4:52 pm

Assuming this is the watch that your parent wore often or daily, it carries a lot of sentiment with it. A watch is a very personal item. I would never trade that for a vacation. It holds much too much meaning to me to sell it. I can’t even stomach the thought of it sitting in a pawn shop or of someone else wearing it. I guess I’m just more sentimental than many of the posters here..

Busybee5

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 5:00 pm

writinggirl wrote:

I do get that. But I also think it's a sentimental thing to go on vacation with the whole family. I don't understand the need for expensive jewelry and watches though.
One, everyone benefits, the other option is on your wrist. Do your kids care how you tell the time? Ultimately up to you, I'm saying what I'd do.

amother

NeonOrange

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 5:16 pm

you came by it honestly you inherited it from your parent who wanted you to have it

enjoy

do what you want

amother

PlumPink

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 8:02 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

My husband got a Cartier as a chassan watch from my father. (lower end)
Obviously it's a beautiful watch but 3.5 years in it broke from excessive dancing at a sibling's wedding, we assume from sweat.
The delicate crystal inside needs to be replaced for the price of $600!!!
I'm really grateful for the watch my father bought him but I can't afford to fix it and it's so frustrating that it costs so much to repair and this nice piece is just collecting dust in a drawer.
Cartier's are extremely delicate!

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 8:31 pm

I guess what I'm confused about is that everyone is commenting on whether people will "judge" you for wearing something that is "outside your bracket."

I wouldn't make the decision based on what other people might think. I just don't use that as my measuring stick.

In my mind, if I have something worth that much money, my question would be -- would I buy this for myself? Would I feel that this is the best use of my money? And in this case, I'm assuming the answer is no.

I'm just in shock at the comments saying things like "You must have something enjoyable and luxurious every once in a while. It’s very important." Um, no? I mean, if you mean that it's okay to very occasionally buy yourself an iced coffee or a bar of chocolate for a few dollars as a "luxury," I hear that. But something worth thousands of dollars? No, if you need the money for truly important things, then paying your bills is much more important than having something luxurious.

And everyone who is commenting that it's all about sentimentality, it's not. She's planning on selling it and buying something else. So sentiment has nothing to do with it.

exhausted

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 8:41 pm

I would buy myself something special and expensive and only wear it on special occasions, Shabbos and Yom Tov.

amother

Broom

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 8:53 pm

I would probably wear the mens watch, if it had sentimental value. But if you wouldn't, I'd trade it in for something that would remind me of this watch - that may carry on the sentiment. this is an asset your father wanted you to have.

amother

Catmint

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 8:57 pm

exhausted wrote:

I would buy myself something special and expensive and only wear it on special occasions, Shabbos and Yom Tov.

Good idea. I have a watch that I only wear on Shabbos and yt because I think it’s too showy for daily wear

Emuna360

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 1:15 pm

Unless I loved it I would sell it. I'm not so sentimental. I don't understand holding on to ugly things just out of sentimentality and I'm a very feeling person. If it's good looking maybe I would keep it but ugly take it and run

amother

White

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 1:15 pm

If it is an inheritance from your side of the family, it’s your decision. Your husband should have no say in the matter. If you keep it,
in 120 years it should go to one of your children.

amother

Fri, Jun 09 2023, 1:22 pm

amother White wrote:

If it is an inheritance from your side of the family, it’s your decision. Your husband should have no say in the matter. If you keep it,
in 120 years it should go to one of your children.

Oh please don't misread my intention about my husband - he was just saying that he would love to wear it. If I wanted to do something else with it then of course he would support that!

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