Paying my kids to help

justforfun87

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:51 am

I do in theory believe that children should contribute to the household duties but in reality it is very hard. I have an 11 month old baby and my kids will SOMETIMES help hold him when he is cranky but it is inconsistent. Is it ok to "hire" my kids as a mothers helper or should they be watching him for me while I make dinner?

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:54 am

justforfun87 wrote:

I don't think there's a right answer. A lot of times I'll say, you want dinner quicker, but I can't do it so quickly with the baby, please watch him for 20 minutes so I can work uninterrupted.

If it's for a long stretch of time (I.e. before pesach for an hour), then maybe I'd pay.

ShishKabob

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:56 am

I think kids should help out whenever needed. However, if I was desperate and I needed help for x amount of hours/minutes per day and the kids don't want to do it, I would offer an incentive of whatever it is, sometimes prizes/privileges or money. Let's say Malky agrees to watch the baby each day from 5:00 to 5:30 so I can do what I need to do uninterrupted.
If it's a spontaneous request, I am against paying for it, it's called helping and pitching in.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:02 am

I pay my kids for certain things . For example, if I want to nap for 3 hours on Shabbos. I’ll pay one of my teens to watch his brother because that’s an unfair request.

flowerpower

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:04 am

I would never pay my kid. But I do reward them. I told dd that she can order the make up she wanted( luxury item) because she did what I wanted her to do with a good attitude and a good job. I’ll give dd $10 and tell her to buy a good drink at the ice cream store….

amother

Birch

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:12 am

I would not pay for normal helping out. "Payment" for watching the baby for a few while I get dinner going is a normal dinner rather than cereal lol. That said, I do pay for any kind of help that is above and beyond what's fair to expect at whatever age. I do give them opportunities to earn money.

keym

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:16 am

I don't pay for basic chores.
But I will sometimes say "let's all clean up the playroom together and then those who help will all get ice cream".

I went through a phase where I couldn't get a cleaning lady.
I calculated what she did and how much I paid her and made a chart of how much I was willing to pay for anyone who did those jobs $5 to clean a bathroom with a tub, $3 without a tub, $3 a bedroom to straighten up and vacuum and make the beds, etc.
I don't remember exact amounts, but something like that

Chayalle

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:24 am

I'm not a fan of paying children to help out with normal household chores. My parenting mentor Mrs. Trenk was not either, she was into discussion, talking to them about team responsibility (a family is a team, everyone is responsible to help keep it running smoothly, of course with reasonable expectations to the child's age, how often, they need enough free time, etc...).

I am a fan of rewards, and I tell my kids things like - after we get XYZ done, we will have time to....(go shopping for YT clothes, go buy those school supplies you wanted, or go for icecream....whatever it is they've been wanting.) There's a clear relationship between everyone putting in and taking out. Which is how the real world works.

amother

Starflower

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:56 am

It depends on the request. Cleaning bathrooms, our outside area, extra babysitting, I pay.

amother

Latte

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 12:41 pm

How can I get my kids to help out without it being an issue and huge 'deal'?! like I have to almost beg them for basic picking up toys.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 12:47 pm

amother Latte wrote:

How can I get my kids to help out without it being an issue and huge 'deal'?! like I have to almost beg them for basic picking up toys.

Routine and sequencing works for younger kids. Our kids know that every day, when they get home from school, they will get a snack, tidy up the family room, and then get to watch a video of their choice until dinner. That is the routine, and they know it's in their interest to get to the video part. The video won't happen unless the cleanup is assessed as satisfactory. If they run out of time, then no video. Natural consequences, not punishment.

Older kids may need something different.

giftedmom

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 1:45 pm

I tried it once when they were little but it backfired because they then wouldn’t do anything without payment.
Nowadays I only bribe under unusual circumstances like if I’ll be out for a few hours and I want them to behave when I’m away. The bribe isn’t always money, sometimes it’s screentime etc.
bh they are helpful and if they’re not I will insist if it’s important.