Nervous for yom kippur getting through the day

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:17 pm

Help! I'm genuinely nervous for the day. Im very pregnant and have 3 very little children who require a tremendous amount of constant attention and energy to entertain and to break up fights and do everything for. My husband is gone the whole day and I'm getting so anxious!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:29 pm

HonesttoGod wrote:

Tell your husband to stay home. Or come home a few times to check in.

the shul he davens in has no break. and I feel guilty like thats his avoda this is mine. but im so nervous!

amother

Bellflower

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:31 pm

Hire a non fasting 5th grader to help, or a non Jewish babysitter. I’ve hired my cleaning lady (who was always good with my kids) to watch them for 2 hours while I napped.
And buy new toys and games and nosh

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 10:57 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

I just ordered some new toys tonight and will be nosh and all. I tried hiring someone but can’t find anyone. I need chizuk on how to get through the day physically yet also while trying to connect to the day. Also really nervous to fast while pregnant

amother

Blonde

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:23 pm

Your husband should really be home helping you if you’re pregnant. That’s what most rabbanim say to do if you can’t find a babysitter.

amother

Firethorn

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 11:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

the shul he davens in has no break. and I feel guilty like thats his avoda this is mine. but im so nervous!

My husband is home from 12-6 every single year on yom kipper. Going on 13 years now.
His avoda is to fast and to help his wife be able to fast without passing out.

smss

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 12:02 am

amother Blonde wrote:

Your husband should really be home helping you if you’re pregnant. That’s what most rabbanim say to do if you can’t find a babysitter.

This.
I understand seeing this as a last resort, and definitely do what you can to find a babysitter, but if you cannot then your husband’s avodas hayom changes and he needs to be home to help you.

↑ HonesttoGod

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 12:04 am

Your husbands avodah is to make sure you also fast.

He has to come home whether they give breaks or not.

As for you, your avodah is getting through the day. However that looks for you.

amother

Dustypink

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 12:12 am

Your husband needs to help out. His avoda is not to be in shul, it's to make sure you can get through the day and won't Chas ve'shalom get to the point of needing to break it.

Once we got past the "one kid" stage my husband switched to davening vasikin on Yom kippur. So he is home much earlier. Mincha/ Neila he davens in a shul down the block from us. Sometimes he will go late to mincha, or come home in between mincha and Neila to put the kids in bed

I don't see how you can manage on your own a whole day with three kids and pregnant.

amother

Gladiolus

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 10:23 am

Make sure you drink a lot on Erev. Water (and coconut water). Not powerade or other sugary drinks or you will have a sugar crash).

Take a slow release iron pill. You can find them in CVS. This was a lifechanger for me.

amother

Poinsettia

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 10:47 am

I have been in your shoes.
It helps me to buy a now toy or two and lots of snacks that take a long time to eat. Some years I have bought a bunch of little things at the dollar store and every hour (I timed it) I took one out. It makes the whole day exciting for the kids.

The other thing I have found helpful was to mentally break up the day. This way it is not as daunting. ie. Pre-breakfast, breakfast, baby's nap, lunch, 3:00, dinner, bed...
Just focus on that section of time and it feels much more doable.

This is not a day to stress about making sure the house is clean, just put your focus on your ultra-high priorities.

Also, I make sure to daven ma'ariv after the kids are in bed so that even if I don't get to daven during the day, I know that I have 1 shemonah esrei and vidui done.

amother

DarkCyan

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 12:47 pm

In the 15 years I've been married, my husband has never slept home overnight YK and has rarely, if ever, come home during the day. He stays in shul from a minute after candle lighting until motzei YT (with a extended zman to boot).
This year I'm highly pregnant and he announced himself that he'll be coming home to check on me and help with the kids and bought spare machzorim to place in nearby shuls.
The mitzvah is fasting, for you and him.

amother

Darkblue

Fri, Sep 22 2023, 12:52 pm

I'm a very weak faster. Last year someone gave me a Tylenol/caffeine suppository and it was an absolute game changer. Also used one for tisha bav. Drinking electrolytes (Gatorade/ or powder mix) for a day or two before really helps too.

amother

Amaranthus

Sat, Sep 23 2023, 1:46 pm

My last baby was born 2 weeks before YK. The rav of our shul made a point of coming over to my husband and telling him that he has more of an obligation to help me fast than to be in shul all day. I literally stayed in bed all day and was able to manage the fast.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 8:04 am

amother Black wrote:

Do all rabbanim hold this way?
Is it just yom Kippur or other times in the year?

Today’s discussion is about Yom Kippur.
Please start a new thread.

amother

Blush

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 8:12 am

amother Darkblue wrote:

Anyone know where I can find these suppositories? What brand exists, I can't find it!

amother

Amaryllis ↓

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 8:14 am

amother Black wrote:

Do all rabbanim hold this way?
Is it just yom Kippur or other times in the year?

Do all Rabbanim hold that men need to help their wives?
I should think so.

amother

DarkViolet ↓

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 8:20 am

I'm in the same boat as you op.
Except my husband is the chazzan of the shul and cannot come home to help me. He is away out of country.

What do wives of chazzonim do when they can't find help?
No family in town. The one 10 year old girl who lives nearby and I thought could help (and she was happy to come help me) her mother told me a few days ago that she's so sorry but she wants her daughter in shul to daven so she can't come.
I really tried to find help. Nothing.
I think my Avoda is to take care of my unborn baby and toddlers even if that means breaking my fast. I cannot collapse.