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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
If you’re a guest at someones house
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 9:28 am
And use their private guest apartment( that is part of their house)
1- ASK before you take off the linen
2- let them know when you leave
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 9:48 am
Isnt this a given...? Are people that socially off that they would leave for home without saying bye?
Or do you mean leave for their day time seuda? Guests should walk upstairs and tell the host theyre leaving for a few hours?
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amother
Freesia


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 9:48 am
Yes!! My married brother stayed by me for a night and I had no idea that he left. I was going to see him at a simcha in a few hours but I felt a little hurt that he didn't say goodbye or thank you when he left.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 9:50 am
We've left late at night and called after to thank
And we often strip linen
Most hosts ask us to
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amother
Bone


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 9:52 am
Did they have your phone number? We’ve had times when we needed to leave and the hosts weren’t around so we couldn’t talk to them. (We didn’t know them, got put up by relatives. And this was many years ago, nowadays we have kids BH and don’t travel much)
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amother
Sand


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:04 am
We stayed somewhere and they made a plaque with their 'house rules', whether they wanted the linen stripped, and details about the bathroom and how the lights work for shabbos etc. I thought that was really clever.
And if the hosts are out when you leave, what can you do? I'm not gonna hang around until they turn up. I'd rather message or call them whilst we're driving back to thank them.
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:07 am
Why would you not want the linen stripped?
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:07 am
amother Sand wrote:
We stayed somewhere and they made a plaque with their 'house rules', whether they wanted the linen stripped, and details about the bathroom and how the lights work for shabbos etc. I thought that was really clever.
And if the hosts are out when you leave, what can you do? I'm not gonna hang around until they turn up. I'd rather message or call them whilst we're driving back to thank them.


Had this issue before. We went away for shabbos to check out a new community and the hosts were chassidish and ended shabbos super late, my husband went to a different minyan (upon the insistence of the host to try out that minyan) and came home an hour and a half before the host at regular motzei shabbos time. I wanted to go home already but my husband felt we had to wait around to say bye. The wife told me before shabbos to not strip the beds so I just made them very neatly, put everything away cleaned up and then we sat on the beds for an hour staring at the wall. I wanted to just write a note and call them thanking them but we ended up staying and then the journey home was 3+ hours. WWYD in a situation like this?
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amother
Lightpink


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:14 am
smss wrote:
Why would you not want the linen stripped?


Yeah, I’ve always wondered why someone wouldn’t want it stripped too
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amother
Camellia


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:18 am
smss wrote:
Why would you not want the linen stripped?


Let's say laundry day is not til Thursday, and it's a room they actually use for whatever reason. (My baby sleeps in my guest room.) So now they have to look at ugly stripped beds all week, whereas otherwise they would have the cleaning lady strip it, wash it, dry it, and put it back on (or do that themselves, whatever). Point is, not everyone washes their linen immediately Sunday morning and they would rather see a clean neat room than bare beds.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:19 am
We once stayed in someone's guest wing with a separate back entrance. After shabbos I could hear that things were pretty chaotic with babies crying. So I sent her a text to let her know that I didn't want to disturb them and we were leaving and thanking her again. If I was trying to wrangle my cranky kids into bed I would vastly prefer that than have them come knock on my door to say thank you and good bye in person.
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ittsamother




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:34 am
amother Taupe wrote:
Had this issue before. We went away for shabbos to check out a new community and the hosts were chassidish and ended shabbos super late, my husband went to a different minyan (upon the insistence of the host to try out that minyan) and came home an hour and a half before the host at regular motzei shabbos time. I wanted to go home already but my husband felt we had to wait around to say bye. The wife told me before shabbos to not strip the beds so I just made them very neatly, put everything away cleaned up and then we sat on the beds for an hour staring at the wall. I wanted to just write a note and call them thanking them but we ended up staying and then the journey home was 3+ hours. WWYD in a situation like this?


Honestly I definitely would have left immediately and then called or texted after. Especially with a 3+ hour drive! But even with a 15 min drive. I would never expect my guest to waste an hour of their life just to say thank you and goodbye in person.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:51 am
smss wrote:
Why would you not want the linen stripped?


Because I hate bare beds. I wash and put it back on when I can. It’s not always the day they leave. I was busy erev yk washing linen….
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:53 am
amother Navy wrote:
We once stayed in someone's guest wing with a separate back entrance. After shabbos I could hear that things were pretty chaotic with babies crying. So I sent her a text to let her know that I didn't want to disturb them and we were leaving and thanking her again. If I was trying to wrangle my cranky kids into bed I would vastly prefer that than have them come knock on my door to say thank you and good bye in person.


Text is perfect! No need to thank in person. I had it last night and many times where I had no idea the guests left. All it takes is a text or a knock or anything.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 10:55 am
smss wrote:
Why would you not want the linen stripped?

I usually ask my cleaning lady to bring me the stripped linen the next time she comes. I like the beds to be made until she takes care of it, I don’t want the linen sitting in a heap on the floor.
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amother
Amber


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 11:26 am
smss wrote:
Why would you not want the linen stripped?

Maybe I am embarrassed that the mattress is stained?
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 11:28 am
amother Amber wrote:
Maybe I am embarrassed that the mattress is stained?
put on a mattress protector
Doesn't it save a lot of work if the guests strip?
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 11:30 am
On the same note, I was once asked to strip linen when I was a guest.
OMG the Duvet, pillows a d mattress underneath were vomit worthy. We were absolutely disgusted that we slept on that.

Please please as a host:
Either spend a few dollars to replace bedding and mattress pads (you can find everything for cheap these days), or do not ask your guests to strip the linens!
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amother
Yolk


 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 11:43 am
I don't have guests super often, so I prefer leaving the beds neatly made and washing before the next guests come so they gave fresh linen. Especially if kids get into the room or other stuff gets dumped on the bed, I know I'm not making extra work for myself
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 24 2023, 11:55 am
amother Slateblue wrote:
put on a mattress protector
Doesn't it save a lot of work if the guests strip?

If I have guests who sleep on beds with mattress protectors, I would wash the protectors as well. That would leave the mattress bare. It doesn’t save me work if the guests strip the beds, because either it will sit in a heap on the floor or it will sit in the washing machine until I’m ready. I’d rather just have them in the beds until I’m ready for myself or my cleaning lady to take them off.
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