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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Sep 28 2023, 9:50 pm
I've recently been reading about people who were able to achieve some amount of healing from ADHD and/or ASD through alternative healing. Most of what I've read has been about younger kids. I'm wondering if anyone has experience doing this with an older kid.
My dc is 13 with both ADHD and ASD, very aggressive, rage-filled, rigid, impatient. I guess kind of typical for these diagnoses. It's just getting harder as dc gets older even with medication and therapy. I was looking for more ideas to help dc and found out about this.
Does anyone have experience if this helps at this age? And can you please be specific about what you've done and what helped?
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amother
Lightgreen
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Thu, Sep 28 2023, 10:38 pm
Lots of parents on fb recovering older kids.
Join recovering kids group on fb. Tons of info.
Tacanow website is great.
You will need a functional MD who specializes in autism biomed.
Lmk if you want a list of books that are extremely informative
It's a lot of work but it can be done
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amother
Babypink
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Thu, Sep 28 2023, 10:39 pm
Personally I don't know of anyone who has healed a child with these diagnosis.
But from personal experience I can tell you that when I take my child for natural treatments (cranio, bio magnetic etc) for a few weeks after I have a much calmer and happier child. It's not long lasting and depending on my budget I try to do it as much as I can. Also diet wise, when my child is eating healthier and no wheat the child is doing much better. My child is 13.
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miami85
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Thu, Sep 28 2023, 10:46 pm
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Do some research on Ring of Fire ADHD. It requires more than just "ritalin" but also some anti-psychotic medications.
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User5
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:08 am
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No one can ever be healed from ADHD and ASD although Symptoms can be grown out of. Have you tried ABA
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amother
Clover
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:26 am
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ASD and ADHD are just names that describe a cluster of symptoms but don’t tell us what caused the symptoms. For many that have been given the dx of ASD and/or ADHD it might actually be anxiety and stored trauma that is creating the symptoms that qualified them for the ASD/ADHD diagnosis as symptoms can be identical. I always try to look for the root underlying cause and look at ways to support the real cause. Aggressive behaviors is not “typical ASD/ADHD” behaviors. Aggressive behaviors are a typical behavior when experiencing anxiety , or a flooded overwhelmed nervous system. The most important thing you can do is to learn to keep yourself calm and regulated through their emotional explosions (takes a lot of work to do). Try to identify what is causing the aggression. Is it anxiety, have they gone into fight/flight mode, is their nervous system overwhelmed and flooded by too much sensory input, too many demands, emotional stress…. Look for ways to alleviate some of what may be adding too much overwhelm to their nervous systems , find ways to keep yourself calm so you can be your child’s co-regulator. Learn what helps your child calm and do those activities with them so they learn what they can do to help regulate themselves. For rigid thinking and impulsive behaviors I love Stanley greenspans books and I always try to identify what stage/step of development is lagging that is causing the rigidity and/or chaos and look for ways to build new neuropassages through games and activities that target those lagging skills. Music is a phenomenal way to balance left/right hemispheres and regulate. Dr.Dan Siegal has a plethora of great information and Stuart Shanker is also a wealth of information that can you help you understand, identify, and facilitate your child’s needs most effectively.
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amother
Mimosa
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:31 am
No, I don't believe in that. Do you know who believed in that? Hans Asperger and he killed those kids because he was a nazi.
ASD/ADHD is not to be healed. I'm on the spectrum and I tried for myself to bent over backwards to 'heal' and then be happy. And I did not recover no, I did get a depression and years of bulimia. At one point I have to accept my brain is differently wired and that is the reason I have a hard time in friendships sometimes, I odn't understand cues it is hard it is really hard because I hate it most then everything that I have this diagnoses and these things trigger me so much that people claim they heal asd/adhd because it is says a few things first: I am an unwanted person, I don't deserve to exist, my feelings don't matter I have to heal. Secondly it is false hope people spend lots of money for what? To again say to the child or yourself 'you are a wrong person you need to be fixed only then we will love you'... It feels like it is better to be dead.
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amother
Dill
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 6:49 am
My 15 year old son has an autism diagnosis. He was diagnosed at age 2.
I can't say he's healed, but he's a calm, happy, kind, sweet, productive, teenage. He's in a mainstream high school, dorms actually, loves school, has great, deep, reciprocal friendships, and is in general a joy to be around. I can still see his autism. It's hard for him to focus on things that are boring for him (davening), and he can get stuck, rigid, mostly with his siblings. This has been getting better and better though as he gets older and matures, like any teen I guess. He's not on any medications and we don't do any alternatives medicine.
Our biggest cure was floortime therapy, though we also saw progress with very skillful ABA therapy and sensory integration therapy.
From ages 2 (diagnosis) to about 10 we gave him between 3-6 hours of floortime therapy a day. Until age 13, he got 2-3 hours of floortime therapy a week. For three years he was in a floortime-based public school classroom. We payed privately for floortime for many years. My husband and I both did floortime parent training (my husband was so impressed with the model that he actually went back to school and got his master's in a related field) and did many hours of floortime play at home. I paused my career and took 2 years off of work during this time period to focus on his therapies. It cost many many many thousands of dollars. To this day, we are 'behind' our peers financially because of all the money and time we invested in him.
It was worth every penny.
After Yom Kippur, we all sat around the table to break our fast. My son was sharing that he finds it so hard to concentrate for so many hours on Yom Kippur, and thanked my husband for some Jewish books he'd bought my son that my son had bought to shul to help him pass the time. He was reflecting with curiosity and self acceptance and embarrassment that davening on Yom Kippur is so hard for him. It was beautiful to watch. Then he noticed I wasn't eating. "Mom, your not eating! Are you ok? Can I get you anything?"
I know for most of you this little snippet sounds totally normal, but for me it was a miracle. He is so aware of himself, so aware of the people and world around him. He is kind and empathic and emotionally aware of self and others.
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amother
Clover
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 7:05 am
| amother Mimosa wrote: | No, I don't believe in that. Do you know who believed in that? Hans Asperger and he killed those kids because he was a nazi.
ASD/ADHD is not to be healed. I'm on the spectrum and I tried for myself to bent over backwards to 'heal' and then be happy. And I did not recover no, I did get a depression and years of bulimia. At one point I have to accept my brain is differently wired and that is the reason I have a hard time in friendships sometimes, I odn't understand cues it is hard it is really hard because I hate it most then everything that I have this diagnoses and these things trigger me so much that people claim they heal asd/adhd because it is says a few things first: I am an unwanted person, I don't deserve to exist, my feelings don't matter I have to heal. Secondly it is false hope people spend lots of money for what? To again say to the child or yourself 'you are a wrong person you need to be fixed only then we will love you'... It feels like it is better to be dead. |
You are 10000% right and you don’t need to be healed. You were created and brain wired exactly the way you were meant to be , just like the rest of us. We all struggle with different things regardless of being on the spectrum or NT. Everyone has challenges. Your challenges are reading social cues, someone else’s might be saying things they shouldn’t, someone else’s might be being over analytical . We all have challenges every single one of us. Many ppl have challenges with their temper and emotions even if they don’t have ASD/ADHD and essentially why I stated the dx just describes a cluster of symptoms. The dx means nothing, it’s just a word . Look at each challenge, try to identify the cause and build in supports. Just like everyone does when trying to work on their area of struggle and challenges. ASD/ADHD doesn’t cause aggression. ASD/ADHD are just letters that ppl use to describe a cluster of challenges and each person on the spectrum challenges will differ, just like every Neurotypicals challenges differ. Please don’t label or identify yourself or your children as a dx. They have challenges just like every other person in this world. Identify the root of the challenges and go from there. I agree the most important thing before anything else is to shift your mindset. You don’t need to heal your child , your child is fine. Mimosa doesn’t need to heal. Mimosa your amazing the way you are. Your clearly very bright, emotionally intelligent, and self aware. These are incredible strengths that many NTs lack. Please don’t judge yourself. You truly are no different then anyone else. You struggle in certain areas, NTs also struggle in our own areas of challenge. One is not better than the other. There’s actually not much difference when looking at it objectively. I wholeheartedly agree, the number one thing OP must do before anything else is to reframe her view of her child. Stuart Shankers self-reg book will help in shifting perspective. As Stuart Shanker says “when you see your child differently, you will see a different child” and that is actually the number one thing to do! Mimosa I see a bright, intelligent, emotionally self aware beautiful person in you. I see that just from your post . I’m sure if I spoke with you more, I would see so many more of your gifts and beauty. You absolutely have nothing to heal nor does OPs child. Everyone possesses unique gifts and challenges that make them beautiful. Thank you so much for voicing this truth and bringing awareness and a shift in perspective to others to celebrate their children as they are. I hope you appreciate and value yourself, at least as much as I value you. Your strength and bravery is admirable. Your response says it all. It proves ppl on the spectrum don’t need healing, your simply amazing!
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amother
Clover
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 7:08 am
| amother Dill wrote: | My 15 year old son has an autism diagnosis. He was diagnosed at age 2.
I can't say he's healed, but he's a calm, happy, kind, sweet, productive, teenage. He's in a mainstream high school, dorms actually, loves school, has great, deep, reciprocal friendships, and is in general a joy to be around. I can still see his autism. It's hard for him to focus on things that are boring for him (davening), and he can get stuck, rigid, mostly with his siblings. This has been getting better and better though as he gets older and matures, like any teen I guess. He's not on any medications and we don't do any alternatives medicine.
Our biggest cure was floortime therapy, though we also saw progress with very skillful ABA therapy and sensory integration therapy.
From ages 2 (diagnosis) to about 10 we gave him between 3-6 hours of floortime therapy a day. Until age 13, he got 2-3 hours of floortime therapy a week. For three years he was in a floortime-based public school classroom. We payed privately for floortime for many years. My husband and I both did floortime parent training (my husband was so impressed with the model that he actually went back to school and got his master's in a related field) and did many hours of floortime play at home. I paused my career and took 2 years off of work during this time period to focus on his therapies. It cost many many many thousands of dollars. To this day, we are 'behind' our peers financially because of all the money and time we invested in him.
It was worth every penny.
After Yom Kippur, we all sat around the table to break our fast. My son was sharing that he finds it so hard to concentrate for so many hours on Yom Kippur, and thanked my husband for some Jewish books he'd bought my son that my son had bought to shul to help him pass the time. He was reflecting with curiosity and self acceptance and embarrassment that davening on Yom Kippur is so hard for him. It was beautiful to watch. Then he noticed I wasn't eating. "Mom, your not eating! Are you ok? Can I get you anything?"
I know for most of you this little snippet sounds totally normal, but for me it was a miracle. He is so aware of himself, so aware of the people and world around him. He is kind and empathic and emotionally aware of self and others. |
I’m so happy you found Floortime. Floortime really is amazing! Stanley Greenspan and Stuart Shanker (both authors I recommended) are the creators of Floortime.
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amother
Gray
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 7:48 am
| amother Dill wrote: | My 15 year old son has an autism diagnosis. He was diagnosed at age 2.
I can't say he's healed, but he's a calm, happy, kind, sweet, productive, teenage. He's in a mainstream high school, dorms actually, loves school, has great, deep, reciprocal friendships, and is in general a joy to be around. I can still see his autism. It's hard for him to focus on things that are boring for him (davening), and he can get stuck, rigid, mostly with his siblings. This has been getting better and better though as he gets older and matures, like any teen I guess. He's not on any medications and we don't do any alternatives medicine.
Our biggest cure was floortime therapy, though we also saw progress with very skillful ABA therapy and sensory integration therapy.
From ages 2 (diagnosis) to about 10 we gave him between 3-6 hours of floortime therapy a day. Until age 13, he got 2-3 hours of floortime therapy a week. For three years he was in a floortime-based public school classroom. We payed privately for floortime for many years. My husband and I both did floortime parent training (my husband was so impressed with the model that he actually went back to school and got his master's in a related field) and did many hours of floortime play at home. I paused my career and took 2 years off of work during this time period to focus on his therapies. It cost many many many thousands of dollars. To this day, we are 'behind' our peers financially because of all the money and time we invested in him.
It was worth every penny.
After Yom Kippur, we all sat around the table to break our fast. My son was sharing that he finds it so hard to concentrate for so many hours on Yom Kippur, and thanked my husband for some Jewish books he'd bought my son that my son had bought to shul to help him pass the time. He was reflecting with curiosity and self acceptance and embarrassment that davening on Yom Kippur is so hard for him. It was beautiful to watch. Then he noticed I wasn't eating. "Mom, your not eating! Are you ok? Can I get you anything?"
I know for most of you this little snippet sounds totally normal, but for me it was a miracle. He is so aware of himself, so aware of the people and world around him. He is kind and empathic and emotionally aware of self and others. |
similar experience here
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amother
Gray
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 7:54 am
| amother Dill wrote: | My 15 year old son has an autism diagnosis. He was diagnosed at age 2.
I can't say he's healed, but he's a calm, happy, kind, sweet, productive, teenage. He's in a mainstream high school, dorms actually, loves school, has great, deep, reciprocal friendships, and is in general a joy to be around. I can still see his autism. It's hard for him to focus on things that are boring for him (davening), and he can get stuck, rigid, mostly with his siblings. This has been getting better and better though as he gets older and matures, like any teen I guess. He's not on any medications and we don't do any alternatives medicine.
Our biggest cure was floortime therapy, though we also saw progress with very skillful ABA therapy and sensory integration therapy.
From ages 2 (diagnosis) to about 10 we gave him between 3-6 hours of floortime therapy a day. Until age 13, he got 2-3 hours of floortime therapy a week. For three years he was in a floortime-based public school classroom. We payed privately for floortime for many years. My husband and I both did floortime parent training (my husband was so impressed with the model that he actually went back to school and got his master's in a related field) and did many hours of floortime play at home. I paused my career and took 2 years off of work during this time period to focus on his therapies. It cost many many many thousands of dollars. To this day, we are 'behind' our peers financially because of all the money and time we invested in him.
It was worth every penny.
After Yom Kippur, we all sat around the table to break our fast. My son was sharing that he finds it so hard to concentrate for so many hours on Yom Kippur, and thanked my husband for some Jewish books he'd bought my son that my son had bought to shul to help him pass the time. He was reflecting with curiosity and self acceptance and embarrassment that davening on Yom Kippur is so hard for him. It was beautiful to watch. Then he noticed I wasn't eating. "Mom, your not eating! Are you ok? Can I get you anything?"
I know for most of you this little snippet sounds totally normal, but for me it was a miracle. He is so aware of himself, so aware of the people and world around him. He is kind and empathic and emotionally aware of self and others. |
what type of floortime did you do with your son as an older preteen? or did the therapist come to you? my son feels like he outgrew his therapist
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amother
Tangerine
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 8:03 am
| amother Clover wrote: | | ASD and ADHD are just names that describe a cluster of symptoms but don’t tell us what caused the symptoms. For many that have been given the dx of ASD and/or ADHD it might actually be anxiety and stored trauma that is creating the symptoms that qualified them for the ASD/ADHD diagnosis as symptoms can be identical. I always try to look for the root underlying cause and look at ways to support the real cause. Aggressive behaviors is not “typical ASD/ADHD” behaviors. Aggressive behaviors are a typical behavior when experiencing anxiety , or a flooded overwhelmed nervous system. The most important thing you can do is to learn to keep yourself calm and regulated through their emotional explosions (takes a lot of work to do). Try to identify what is causing the aggression. Is it anxiety, have they gone into fight/flight mode, is their nervous system overwhelmed and flooded by too much sensory input, too many demands, emotional stress…. Look for ways to alleviate some of what may be adding too much overwhelm to their nervous systems , find ways to keep yourself calm so you can be your child’s co-regulator. Learn what helps your child calm and do those activities with them so they learn what they can do to help regulate themselves. For rigid thinking and impulsive behaviors I love Stanley greenspans books and I always try to identify what stage/step of development is lagging that is causing the rigidity and/or chaos and look for ways to build new neuropassages through games and activities that target those lagging skills. Music is a phenomenal way to balance left/right hemispheres and regulate. Dr.Dan Siegal has a plethora of great information and Stuart Shanker is also a wealth of information that can you help you understand, identify, and facilitate your child’s needs most effectively. |
You sound knowledgeable. What kind of professional are you?
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amother
Gray
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 8:04 am
was wondering the same 
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amother
Clover
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 8:43 am
Lol! Every OT thinks I’m an OT, every SLP thinks I’m an SLP, same with therapists and Floortime specialists they all think I have a PHD in the field I’m discussing with them! In reality I’m a mom to multiple children with ASD/ADHD/anxiety/OCD and therefore I have invested the past 20yrs of my life learning all I can to best facilitate my kids needs. In doing so I trained in Floortime with Stanley Greeenspan, have taken multiple “vital links” webinars, took a 2 yr course on self-reg with Stuart Shanker, got certified in Safe and Sound Protocol from Stephen Porges, for past 5yrs have been and still do learn with Dr.Dan Siegal, after reading “the body keeps the score” and I have come to believe alot of my kids sensory issues come from anxiety and stored trauma as opposed to neurological wiring. Now instead of giving a sensory support that would typically be used in a sensory diet, I started focusing on asking my child if they are upset, stressed, or worried when they started doing sensory seeking behaviors and they now share their emotions and no longer have such strong sensory seeking behaviors. I’m therefore starting to learn what I can in somatic therapy. As my kids OT says I’m doing it backwards. I started with my field work and will eventually get the schooling in (so I could go work for her 😂). Truthfully I sat in every OT and SLP session of each of my kids (for close to a decade) so I could learn and understand to be able to follow through at home. Therapy once or twice a week isn’t going to be very effective without it being reinforced in their daily life. I took the courses so I could really understand the underlying concepts and principles so I could incorporate it into my kids daily lives in their natural environment to ensure maximum benefit . Everything I listed above I did online (usually at 2am). They are webinars and certification programs accessible to anyone.
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amother
Clover
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 8:57 am
| amother Gray wrote: | | what type of floortime did you do with your son as an older preteen? or did the therapist come to you? my son feels like he outgrew his therapist |
I’m taking advanced courses in Floortime now that teaches Floortime for older kids. There are different levels of Floortime certifications. My son (also teenager) would not and hasn’t gone to a therapist in years. I try to learn and understand the underlying principles and then find ways to work those principles into his regular life . Nothing major. It can be asking him regular questions about yeshiva or friends or his opinion on something. I expand the discussion to incorporate what it must feel like for the Rebbi dealing with whatever he told me, or ask him what he would do if he were the Rebbi (normal questions I might ask anyhow) but if I’m focusing on reflective thinking then my questions are intentional. The questions are very natural and not anything anyone else would realize that is anything more than a conversation….. it depends what skills I’m trying to target this is just an example …. If I wanted to expand abstract thinking I would ask him for solutions of how I can host my brother with 8 kids , where will everyone sleep, what should I make for the kids…. It’s always organic that he doesn’t feel he’s having any kind of therapy but just talking to me . I intentionally build in questions and activities,I am intentionally targeting….
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amother
Eggshell
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Thu, Oct 05 2023, 9:24 am
| amother Dill wrote: | My 15 year old son has an autism diagnosis. He was diagnosed at age 2.
I can't say he's healed, but he's a calm, happy, kind, sweet, productive, teenage. He's in a mainstream high school, dorms actually, loves school, has great, deep, reciprocal friendships, and is in general a joy to be around. I can still see his autism. It's hard for him to focus on things that are boring for him (davening), and he can get stuck, rigid, mostly with his siblings. This has been getting better and better though as he gets older and matures, like any teen I guess. He's not on any medications and we don't do any alternatives medicine.
Our biggest cure was floortime therapy, though we also saw progress with very skillful ABA therapy and sensory integration therapy.
From ages 2 (diagnosis) to about 10 we gave him between 3-6 hours of floortime therapy a day. Until age 13, he got 2-3 hours of floortime therapy a week. For three years he was in a floortime-based public school classroom. We payed privately for floortime for many years. My husband and I both did floortime parent training (my husband was so impressed with the model that he actually went back to school and got his master's in a related field) and did many hours of floortime play at home. I paused my career and took 2 years off of work during this time period to focus on his therapies. It cost many many many thousands of dollars. To this day, we are 'behind' our peers financially because of all the money and time we invested in him.
It was worth every penny.
After Yom Kippur, we all sat around the table to break our fast. My son was sharing that he finds it so hard to concentrate for so many hours on Yom Kippur, and thanked my husband for some Jewish books he'd bought my son that my son had bought to shul to help him pass the time. He was reflecting with curiosity and self acceptance and embarrassment that davening on Yom Kippur is so hard for him. It was beautiful to watch. Then he noticed I wasn't eating. "Mom, your not eating! Are you ok? Can I get you anything?"
I know for most of you this little snippet sounds totally normal, but for me it was a miracle. He is so aware of himself, so aware of the people and world around him. He is kind and empathic and emotionally aware of self and others. |
I have a son younger than yours who has ASD and ADHD. We've gone the ABA route since that's what was available. We've seen a lot of improvement, bH, but I would love to hear more about your experience with floortime (perhaps in a spinoff).
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