How much should a kallahs wig cost…

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:03 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Please tell me where the Torah says that a budget should allow for the hair color the recipient wants. Yes, WANTS, not NEEDS.

Indeed, the Torah speaks of Tzedaka being what the Ani is used to, not just about NEEDS (which could be bread and water, basically). Even a horse and footman running before him.....Hilchos Tzedaka are quite complex, and they allow for certain standards.

Technically, headcovering does not NEED to be a sheitel altogether. We allow for that because it's a community standard. And it's normal to wear something that is close to your own color. Or fits you. At least where I live it is.

amother

Amaranthus

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:05 pm

Chayalle wrote:

What the Ani is used to. This girl is not used to anything for herself as she is a kallah. ALSO, the halacha does not allow one to live above their means and then when they run out of money say I am used to such and such.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:05 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

A wig that fits them, yes. A wig of their hair color, no. With the total dollar number of tzedaka needs out there in the Jewish community, spending extra on a wig to match the recipient's hair color is wasteful. Kids cannot afford braces, proper glasses, nourishing food. And someone needs he "perfect" wig? No. Go take on an extra job and pay for that difference yourself. There is only so many tzedaka dollars to go around.

So we should get one color for everyone out there to wear?
I'm not saying everyone should get the "perfect" wig, high end, etc...but when prices increase, there should be allowances for increases. And perhaps the increases should have some wiggle room for those who need a special allowance that is real.

None of this is related to myself BTW, just to what I hear from others around me (and I get what they mean).

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:06 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

She is used to looking in the mirror and seeing herself looking normal. That's all I'm talking about.

So, like, we don't force red-heads to get blonde sheitels. Or blondes to get brown sheitels (which BTW are generally cheaper.)

amother

Amaranthus

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:07 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Why do you have to be so dramatic? I'm not saying put a brown wig on a blonde, but it should be good enough that it is in the blonde family.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:10 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Why do you have to be so dramatic? I'm not saying put a brown wig on a blonde, but it should be good enough that it is in the blonde family.

I'm not blonde (I'm the brunette in a family of several blondes LOL). But I have seen blondes wearing the wrong shade of blonde. It looks green. Or washed out. Have you ever seen that? I would put my tzedaka money to getting a Kallah a wig that looks better than that.
It's easy to say "good enough" when it's not you being the one in need.

amother

Amaranthus

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:11 pm

Chayalle wrote:

People (even poor ones) set themselves up with unrealistic expectations which are encouraged by these funds. So if I will only feel "normal" if I look in the mirror wearing my wig and my reflection looks just like I look with my naturally gorgeous hair, and I don't get that wig, I just won't feel good about myself? This person either needs to beg, borrow or "steal" the extra money. That should not be on the kahal.

amother

Anemone

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:11 pm

The price increases in wigs over the past three years are mind blowing. I got a wig from Eva and Chloe a little bit after a price hike of a few hundred dollars. Two months later when I came back to their salon to get my wig styled, I saw a sign with their price list and the price of my wig had gone up another $400 since I’d bought it.

I haven’t been back since but I imagine they’ve done more price hikes of a similar nature. A few hundred dollar increase every three months is utterly insane.

I see lots of ads for wigs on sale lately. Most people can’t afford these prices. Hopefully there will be some deflation.

amother

Amaranthus

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:13 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Nope. I just live below my means. I could get a $5000 wig every year but wouldnt dream of doing so. I don't believe money was given to us to waste.

amother

Begonia

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:14 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

I disagree, I think it is a lot and unnecessary.

There is no reason she cannot get one wig, or max one wig and a cheap fall. I think 3k is reasonable for a good wig and to include any extras it may need like coloring. The MOST I would ask is for 4k to include a fall and that’s being generous to whoever’s giving, in my opinion.

One wig is completely acceptable- for the 2 days it’s being washed which she’ll probably do herself because how is she affording $50 wash n sets, she can wear a scarf on her head. It’s ridiculous to say she NEEDS two.

If someone was collecting tzedaka for this and told me between 6-7k I would be shocked and slightly offended that they would even ask me for that much.

TDL in Lakewood covers one wig, but they require you to a buy another wig of commensurate value from the same sheital macher for her work. Under the conditions, they were not okay with me buying just one.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:17 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Hey, why are you being so dramatic (LOL)? You are taking things to the opposite extreme. Nowhere did I say tzedaka needs to fund wigs on that level. Just that I could see the point of accommodating those with a real specific need, perhaps a little leeway, after experiencing that myself as the mother of a petite DD who needed more expensive wigs (she really did look ridiculous in the ones that were so big on her, and it didn't pay to pay close to 1K on modifications. yes, they can cost that much.)

amother

Begonia

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:18 pm

Chayalle wrote:

What would you do if this particular Kallah couldn't? She still needs wigs and still needs tzedaka.

I happen to know that TDL in Lakewood will not give a Kallah tzedaka package if the Kallah will buy a wig for over 3K. They have not increased this number even though wig prices have increased. I have heard from people who find this very difficult, and the numbers don't work for everyone.

My daughter was able to get an Irene and a non lace Eva and Chloe following their guidelines. They’re both beautiful.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 3:00 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

Question if per her shita a kallah can get a lace top wig, does it mean she has to? Otherwise it’s terrible? Nebby?
If hose wigs are so much more?

I have no idea, though someone told me the reason they have the 3K cap is to force non-lace (because most lace will cost over that amount).
My experience has been it's not just about lace.

notshanarishona

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 3:04 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I just want to comment on this post. Basically you are saying that if someone does not have a standard size or color hair, they should make do with less than someone who does, if tzedaka $$ are needed.
From my perspective, that would preclude getting someone with a disability something more expensive that they need....I mean, no accommodations, right? Everyone gets the same, regardless of how Hashem made them.

I do agree the standards for Hachnasas Kallah should be average, middle class, it does not have to be high end or over the top.

If there was more than enough tzedakah funds, then by all means it’s still a mitzvah to donate. Being that there are so many more worthwhile causes than $9000 on sheitals, I do think its a misuse of tzedakah money for kallahs to “needl such an expensive option when most people do without.

amother

Broom

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 3:41 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I know quite a few exceptions, then. Many young women whom the standard brands at wig sales that everyone is saying everyone should be able to get, can't find a wig that fits them, or their hair color, at such a sale. I do think a budget should allow for the recipient's needs. The Torah says so.

Ok you know exceptions. So for them, maybe it's worth getting one perfect shaitel with tzedaka money, keep it styled in between so it could be dressed up and dressed down, and saving up for that second shaitel. Or they can get 2, but compromise on the color or get a used wig much cheaper and then spend on alterations...

The budget for hachnasas kallah for shaitels should be what 2 middle-end shaitels cost because that's more or less the norm.

amother

Broom

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 3:55 pm

Chayalle wrote:

There is a person's color and there's close enough. I have friends and family who are red and got a strawberry blonde shaitel or blonde and got a dirty blonde shaitel. People dye their hair colors they aren't all the time. It doesn't have to look bad. Some people actually look bad with their natural hair color.

My mother for example had very dark brown hair (gray now) but her shaitels lightened very quickly and honestly she looked much better like that. It helped that most of her kids had the color of her shaitel too.

I think it's more about the eyebrows than the hair oddly enough. I wear lighter than my hair because I have light eyebrows. So does my mother. My redhead BH doesn't have extremely red eyebrows. (And she right now tells me she's not wearing a shaitel anyway, but she's young and we'll see.) I'm glad my kid with extremely blond eyebrows (and hair) is a boy.

amother

Olive

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 4:12 pm

I was going to refrain from posting about this since it’s a topic that still upsets me. But I think it needs to be said.

My parents couldn’t afford 95% of my wedding. My in-laws covered any hall related expenses, we used tzedakah organizations to pay for some of the shopping expenses, aunts and uncles chipped in for some things, and I used my savings to pay for the rest.

It’s awful being a tzedakah kallah. Everyone has the attitude of “just be grateful it’s getting paid for”. Which is fine for many things but there are always a few things that are important to a kallah that, if possible, she should get a say in.

One of the organizations covered one wig of any length or color. I went in to pick it out. There was no “picking out”. I had dirty blonde, leaning towards brown hair. They refused to give me a wig that color. They forced me to take a dark brown, almost black wig and tried to convince me that it’s really my color but it’s just that the lighting was bad. They also told me that it’s not true that any length was covered and I had to take something 4” shorter than I would have liked. Their whole attitude was that I’m lucky I’m getting a free wig at all and I should just be grateful for this wig that doesn’t even remotely match my hair. It was a miserable and humiliating experience and I left in tears.

I ended up spending over $500 from my own savings on dying it 3 times to get it to be closer to my hair color. It was the wig I wore to my wedding and people who picture’s always ask,”were you always that dark?”

A wig is something important to a kallah. I’m not saying you need to get her something expensive but yes, she should have at least one wig that matches her hair and is the length she’d like it to be. Don’t take that away from her.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 4:12 pm

amother Broom wrote:

I think it's more about the eyebrows than the hair oddly enough. I wear lighter than my hair because I have light eyebrows. So does my mother. My redhead BH doesn't have extremely red eyebrows. (And she right now tells me she's not wearing a shaitel anyway, but she's young and we'll see.) I'm glad my kid with extremely blond eyebrows (and hair) is a boy.

I agree about the eyebrows. I can actually go darker because I have darker eyebrowss