I let my baby cry it out today

amother

Seashell

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 10:24 am

Now she has something to attribute all her life's problems too...unresolved trauma due to crying for 20 minutes when she was 18 months.

Don't worry, OP, I'm sure your a great mom. All will be well iyh.

happy chick

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 10:29 am

amother Garnet wrote:

Curious, do any mothers leave toys in their 18 month old cribs so child does have opportunity to play and then fall asleep when their too conked?

Yes. It's mostly for when she wakes up so she can play and unwind from her nap. Just make sure it's nothing overly fluffy or that she can hurt herself on if she rolls over.

amother

Petunia

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 10:38 am

We sometimes leave board books in our son’s crib, he’s 21 months. When we go to take him out in the morning, the first thing he does is point at a book and say “book” or “bookie.”

If I need to run to the bathroom or do something else and need him to be in a safe contained space, he can go in the crib with his books and he is typically happy….as long as he doesn’t think we’re trying to put him down for a nap.

amother

Taupe

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 10:45 am

I feel bad for both of you.
The fact that you feel bad about it shows that you're an amazing mother and won't do it again.

LovesHashem

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 10:48 am

I do not do cry it out but if you need ten or even twenty minutes or you will go insane your baby will not have trauma from that happenings a few times in their lifetime

amother

Steelblue

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 11:02 am

You did what you needed to do. I have the same age twins that climb out of everything so I have no normal nap times Im going insane. They need a nap and I desperately need a break. I'm starting this week to send to a babysitter for very few hours because I just feel like a dishrag . I can't do this anymore and I have to function for my entire family not just the toddlers. Am I a bad mother? I feel like my two hours break from them will help me take care of them for the rest of the day.

amother

Taupe

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 11:31 am

amother Brunette wrote:

18 months is not a baby, and putting in for a 20 minute nap is not crying it out. The end.

Letting an 18 months old cry for 20 minutes IS the end! You shouldn't do that. But OP knows that and needs a pick me up after doing it. But don't say it's normal when it's not.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 6:57 am

Sometimes overtired babies and toddlers cry before they fall asleep. I don’t see why you should feel so guilty. If it doesn’t feel right to you then you don’t need to do it again. However, there are MANY pediatricians and sleep consultants that will say this is totally fine. There are many well balanced, happy kids that have been overtired and cried before falling asleep. It’s not everyone’s parenting style, but it’s also not accurate to say that this is harmful (obviously in an otherwise attentive and loving, warm home).

amother

Ivory

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 7:01 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

You’re not a bad mother in the slightest bit! Send for as many hours as you need to have energy and patience. Twins must be so hard. No harm in getting help. Lucky you that you can afford it.

tichellady

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 7:34 am

It’s ok for babies to cry. Some kids don’t ever fall asleep without crying. It’s a release of emotions

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 8:27 am

Isn't it great that Klal Yisroel has such amazing mothers that can tend to each of their kids right away?
They can smile thru pain and exhaustion.
They can handle clock changes with aplomb.
They can get cranky kids to sleep without crying.
They can get hungry kids to eat without feeding.
They can break up siblings fighting with a song.
They can dress active toddlers without a beep.
They can judge without judging.

amother

Firethorn

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 9:58 am

mushkamothers wrote:

At 18 months, letting an overtired toddler (Yes toddler not baby) cry for 20 minutes is really not "crying it out"

I think it counts as crying it out. But I agree she’s a toddler not really a baby anymore. But toddlers still have needs and 20 min is long.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 12:34 pm

tichellady wrote:

It’s ok for babies to cry. Some kids don’t ever fall asleep without crying. It’s a release of emotions

seriously?!!!

amother

Taupe

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 12:46 pm

amother Seagreen wrote:

not harmful? maybe abuse? maybe neglect? call it whatever you wish. to have a 'parenting style' to let babies cry themselves to sleep for 20 minutes is not normal.
This is clearly not OP's 'parenting style'

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 1:26 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

Are you saying it’s abuse, harmful and neglectful?

mushkamothers

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 1:40 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

seriously?!!!

Yes. It's called science. And there's an entire theory by dr aletha solter called crying in arms where you let babies cry on purpose (not by themselves but the point is that it releases emotions).

I think there's a lot of misinformation on this thread about what exactly cry it out means, what exactly the effects are and for what ages. And I actually hate the word misinformation.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 2:17 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

So sad to read this.

mushkamothers

Mon, Nov 06 2023, 7:49 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

So sad to read this.

I think you don't know me or what I teach, which is basically all about attachment and why not to cry it out. (Did you even Google aletha solter?) I also live in the real world where I have multiple little kids and a household and a life. In life sometimes babies can't be tended to immediately. So it's a good thing there's a concept called rupture and repair. Did you know all of attachment research shows you need to get it right less than 50% of the time? Shaming and blaming the mother here is neither accurate nor helpful. Putting things into perspective is.