Was this the right thing to do?

amother

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 9:35 pm

I had to go out for an appointment tonight and came home late and really hungry. There was one piece of left over chicken from shabbos that I rewarmed and sat down to eat. Ds age 9 came into the kitchen bec he needed some HW help. He saw me start to eat, said it looked good so I gave him a tiny taste. He asked for more and I told him no. He was upset. I gave him some other options he could have. He said he didn't like any of the other options and was starving and why did I give him a different supper before and not this if he loves this (he also did like the supper we had earlier,).
I said "this is Mommy's supper " (I didn't eat earlier with them) and moved my food back to the oven so he shouldn't have to watch me eat it while doing his hw with him.

Was this selfish on my part - I do feel a bit guilty - he was very hungry (he had a filling supper but a lot earlier) like technically I could have given it to him and eaten one of the choices I gave to him... In the moment I was also very hungry and didn't want any of the other choices either but that was just like he was feeling....

Or is it teaching him to be considerate/ mommy also has needs and etc...

glamourmom

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 9:41 pm

there's no right thing in such situations. you're fine. you're human too and they should know that.

I'm curious if he'd want leftovers if you offered it to him as supper. Often kids want what their parent is eating but they wouldn't want it otherwise.

tcdsv

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 9:47 pm

I could have written a really similar post. Yes, sometimes adults do prepare different food for themselves then they serve the kids. Sometimes a parent may want something a little more healthy, wholesome, expensive. It doesn't mean that has to be served to every kid every night. I think. But I also sometimes feel guilty, so no real good advice

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 9:52 pm

I think it's fine, yes, we need to teach our kids that we have our own needs and boundaries that are to be respected. Only thing I would have done differently is point out that if he takes a bite, he's fleishig and to think if it's worth it. I could understand being annoyed that he just nixed a lot of other possibilities because of one bite.

amother

Raspberry

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 10:04 pm

The child had dinner, this was your dinner. You did nothing wrong. I assume that there’s other food in the house.
The only things I don't eat in front of my kids if I don't want to share them, are treats like pastries, ice cream, chocolate...

amother

Petunia

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 10:04 pm

You never ever have to give your food to your kids. In fact I think he's old enough to understand that it's inappropriate to demand your food. I would have said you had a full meal I ate nothing, this is my meal I need to eat it. You are welcome to eat an apple. Oh you like this so much ok we can make it again another night. You need to teach him appropriate boundaries.

amother

Raspberry

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 10:14 pm

amother Petunia wrote:

Unless the kids didn't get anything to eat.....

amother

Petunia

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 10:15 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

Unless the kids didn't get anything to eat.....

This is not what we are discussing here. And even so no you don’t have to give your plate. You can give them other food.

amother

Raspberry

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 10:21 pm

amother Petunia wrote:

This is not what we are discussing here. And even so no you don’t have to give your plate. You can give them other food.

I know. But you said that a parent never ever has to give a child their food, & I'm pointing out that it's not a definite never ever.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 11:16 pm

What u did was fine but I’m also curious what his dinner/ other options to eat now we’re. I find that ppl sometimes underestimate the hunger of growing kids. If he ate dinner early and didn’t have something filling he may genuinely be hungry and an apple may not cut it.

amother

Grape

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 11:18 pm

Totally fine and normal. And the guilty feeling after is normal too lol.
My 9 yr old is queen of this btw. If I'm eating supper later, like 8ish when the house is finally getting quiet, I would take out the food I set aside for myself, she'll come into the kitchen and stand near me and ask for more food. She's not hungry, she's eating with her eyes. She knows that after supper she can take fruits or veggies. But she tries her luck all the time. Makes me feel guilty but if I don't eat supper I'm just gonna nosh junk all night so I usually don't share. I'll even ask her when she's eating her own supper, usually the same food as I would have later, if she wants more cuz I don't want her to be hungry later.

amother

Cornsilk

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 11:34 pm

OP do you struggle with people pleasing in general?

If there is good food, someone is going to get to have the last piece. That someone happened to be you tonight.

If your son hypothetically got to it first and ate it, I assume you would want him to enjoy it guilt free. You have that right too.

amother

Petunia

Mon, Nov 20 2023, 11:57 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

I know. But you said that a parent never ever has to give a child their food, & I'm pointing out that it's not a definite never ever.

Yes it is a never. If you live in a house with food you can give them other food. Are you talking about being stranded on an island with one plate of food?