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"Wine is always appreciated, but no need to bring anything"?
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2023, 5:54 am
amother Slategray wrote:
Saying “can I bring something” to me implies a hostess gift. If somebody is only interested in cooking a dish then they can say “can I make something” and avoid any confusion


If I'm bringing a gift for a meal, it isn't going to be something big. Why would I ask the hostess what they want?

If I ask what they want me to bring, it's because I want to contribute something useful to the meal.
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amother
DarkOrange


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2023, 6:14 am
I don't know of a single culture that doesn't have a little bit of a dance between "oh no, you mustn’t" "oh but I insist" "oh, then well if you insist..." Some may have specific rules about how many times the back and forth has to happen, but yes, pretty much everyone everywhere does some version of this dance. Y'all are reading too deeply into this. Honestly, when someone asks me what they can bring, I know full well that even if I say no need, it's just part of the dance and they're going to be bringing something. So once we've complete the oh no-I insist-very well bit, yes, I will specify a preference (I hate flowers, so at this pointi will mention that wine or dessert is always appreciated and people get the hint.) Another thing common throughout multiple cultures is that wine, cake/candy platter/flowers are all classic, standard hostess gifts. It is unfair to take offense at being asked for/recieving any of those, all of those are not only normal but very much default in most places. It's ok to have a preference though, so nothing wrong with specifying when asked, what your top choices are so that you hopefully don't end up with something you distinctly don't want (though of course if you do, you smile and say thank you and pretend it's great).
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amother
Bluebell


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2023, 7:03 am
amother DarkOrange wrote:
I don't know of a single culture that doesn't have a little bit of a dance between "oh no, you mustn’t" "oh but I insist" "oh, then well if you insist..." Some may have specific rules about how many times the back and forth has to happen, but yes, pretty much everyone everywhere does some version of this dance. Y'all are reading too deeply into this. Honestly, when someone asks me what they can bring, I know full well that even if I say no need, it's just part of the dance and they're going to be bringing something. So once we've complete the oh no-I insist-very well bit, yes, I will specify a preference (I hate flowers, so at this pointi will mention that wine or dessert is always appreciated and people get the hint.) Another thing common throughout multiple cultures is that wine, cake/candy platter/flowers are all classic, standard hostess gifts. It is unfair to take offense at being asked for/recieving any of those, all of those are not only normal but very much default in most places. It's ok to have a preference though, so nothing wrong with specifying when asked, what your top choices are so that you hopefully don't end up with something you distinctly don't want (though of course if you do, you smile and say thank you and pretend it's great).

Right people are pointing out to op that this is supposed to be a dance. She should say oh we don’t need anything, they should insist, and then she should say oh well you can bring wine if you’d like. But op is bound and determined to skip the middle part and as soon as someone asks what to bring, say the title of this thread.

The dance is what’s socially appropriate. Answering this line right off the bat is not imo.
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2023, 7:09 am
amother Sand wrote:
I'm sorry, a hostess gift? If they're only coming for a meal?
I like to host my guests both for meals and for sleeping over without any strings attached. I don't expect anything from them, definitely not a hostess gift.


Some of us were brought up with the principle that you never visit someone empty-handed.
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