Struggling to leave the house with my baby

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 10:04 pm

All good tips here.
But I want to add one more thing, even if you do all that, you're baby might still scream. And that doesn't mean you're not doing an awesome job!
I have 4 kids. One kid was an angel outside. No matter where I went and when, baby was always content. I had to watch the time to remember to feed baby cuz baby loved being outdoors and wouldn't cry even if hungry.
Then in had 2 babies who would. Not. Shut. Up. No. Matter. What.
Every time I'd go out, waawaaa. I couldn't shop I couldn't even take a walk around my block. I tried different strollers, different positions. Nothing doing.
Scream scream scream. One kid started liking outings around 12 months time. My current 20 mo toddler, it took until close to 18 months for her to stop screaming every time I had to go out.
Oh the comments I got!!! The few times I had to go and her babysitter wasn't available or I tried to see if she cooperste THIS time cuz she's another 4 weeks older.... but nopes. She'd "sing" the whole entire time. She just didn't like it and let it be known to all of humankind that baby tzutzie does not like going out! Show like sitting on mommy's lap and playing peekaboo with mommy all day. And that's it. She's a strong willed powerful little girl kyh.
Bh now she absolutely loves it! It feels like such a treat finally being able to go for a simple walk without a screaming baby!
But until I figured it out that she just. Doesn't. Want. To. Go. Out. It was so frustrating. Because with all that going out with a newborn and then young baby entails to then be busy with a screaming tiny human while trying to shop and run errands..... it was am impossible situation.

amother

↑ Blue

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 10:04 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

I think you’re very normal. Every baby and every person’s recovery and nursing experience is very different. I have extremely challenging nursing situations w every baby that takes 8 weeks to settle to even be conceivable to nurse out of the house but I’m usually not so comfortable nursing outside until like 6 months ish, and feeding formula bottles means my nursing gets off schedule which is very damaging for me.
So I order a lot online, politely decline simchas, and try very hard to get mothers helpers and cleaning ladies, etc. Short bus drop offs for kids are unavoidable but I’m not going out to eat in a restaurant lol.
So know it can be very individual and it will be easier. Also winter is 10 times harder I think with dressing baby, etc.
Hatzlacha raba!

I highly recommend getting a good warm carseat cover, then just add a hat & throw on a light blanket to fill the space inside. Easy peasy

scintilla

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 10:07 pm

I found the baby carrier a lifesaver for quick walks or errands within walking distance. If your baby takes well to it, they usually sleep in it for at least long enough to get out and get some fresh air/groceries for supper. It's useful at home too, but especially for keeping them happy outside - something about being on you, they can feel your heartbeat like they did in the womb, etc.

For longer trips out - no easy answer! You just get the hang of it through trial and error. I found it easier to get out with two kids than the beginning with my first because I knew what I was doing already.

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Dec 03 2023, 10:44 pm

alibaba1 wrote:

Its very important to teach your baby to self soothe without nursing. Can be a comforter or a dummy . If you keep more space between feeds he will actually be properly hungry by the time meal comes around and have a good full feed. This should give you the security to go out between feeds and be secure that he is not hungry he just needs to soothe himself to fall back asleep between sleep cycles. I highly recomment the book "save our sleep" by Tizzie Hall that talks alot about routines for feeding and sleeping. Knowledge is power ! Good luck!
Also invest in a good nursing cover like this ur not stuck at home every time he needs to feed.

This is well intentioned but poor advice.

Feed often and frequently and it’s wonderful when baby uses you to comfort themselves. Nursing often is great for comfort, hydration, quality milk and good supply. Spacing out feeds until they are hungry is an outdated recommendation.

The trick is to nurse on the go. In fitting rooms, in the car or pump in advance and have a bottle of pumped milk. It’s so hard to get out with a newborn so cut yourself some slack. It’s so normal and you will get the hang of it eventually. Mazel Tov!

↑ imaima

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 5:12 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes this is my first
So I have started to have a schedule like that with him. But my struggle is if I go out when he needs to sleep he’ll fall asleep in the car but will only nap for the minutes of the car ride. Then he is up and crying because he wants to nurse. Then I’m stuck with a screaming baby at a place that is not home

You should have a window of him being content between the feeding and the sleeping, during his „playtime“.
Then he can be outside and stimulated by environment.

Of course if you have appointments it won’t work. Then you do what you have to do.
My babies are nursed but know how to take a bottle. I go out prepared for all eventualities. Diapers and wipes, change of clothing, nursing cover, bottle, formula etc.

You may be out when it’s his sleeping or eating time so it is what it is.

If you take a sleeping baby out of the car and he wakes up, try rocking him back to sleep in a stroller or if it’s doona, then it’s easier. Basically within seconds of waking up, you can put him back to sleep. He doesn’t need to nurse. He cries because his nap was disturbed.

If he fell asleep on the way back home, it is not unusual for people to drive around for a while just to have their babies sleep and have a nice nap. Same with wheeling in a stroller.

And in the end, it is absolutely okay when babies just scream in public, sometimes there is no solution. There is no sure way how it is supposed to work. It’s only trial and error. It’s not like you are supposed to have it all figured out.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 10:30 am

amother NeonPurple wrote:

If I am running out on an errand that should take less than 20 minutes, dc should not need to feed in that time, if they've just been fed, and fed well.
I personally do mixed feeding for this sort of occasion. It's so much easier being able to give a bottle when out and about, rather than trying to feed. I'm feeling stressed, dc senses that and then doesn't feed well.
It is a massive deal to go out with baby and I find it does get easier. I get used to taking my giant diaper bag filled with everything I could possibly need, and it gets more natural.

amother

Valerian

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 3:17 pm

I barely go out. My babies were just not into going out.

My first wouldn't nurse under a nursing cover at all or even uncovered in any room with light, and wouldn't take a bottle ever. So I could basically never feed her in a public place. And she was very underweight so I couldn't skip a feeding per the pediatrician even if she didn't cry. She also would never ever sleep in a stroller, so I couldn't take her out if she needed to sleep. She hated baby carriers and would cry non-stop in them (I tried different kinds). She hated carseats (ours and other people's) and would cry in them and also not sleep. She would also cry hysterically in any moving vehicle. She would just cry and cry if she couldn't sleep.So I mostly didn't go anywhere for the first several months.

My second was a super calm baby at home but a screamer everywhere else. Also, the minute we got anywhere new or saw any new people, she wanted to nurse, even if she had eaten a full meal 10 minutes earlier; it was for comfort. So going anywhere was difficult because she would just want to nurse for the first 15-30 minutes of us going anywhere, so that took up too much time. She never took a bottle. She hated car seats (we bought two different ones, no luck) and wouldn't sleep in those. She would scream in the carrier because she was up against my chest and just wanted to nurse the milk she was s oclose to but we could never figure out nursing in a carrier, so the carrier was the worst. She would also scream if we went into stores with music. She would scream if someplace had lots of people. She would scream if someone hugged me like if we went to friends or relatives. She would scream if someone just looked at her. And she would scream in the car if it was more than a very short trip. Also she would just scream in general until she threw up and then she would scream some more. So I also mostly didn't go anywhere for the first several months.

Good news is that this doesn't last forever. Stay in if that is easier. 3 months is still little, and not all babies cam handle being out of routine or even just out of the house at that age. Try practicing short small outings every week with the understanding that you will turn around and go home right away if needed. At some point, either your baby will get used to going places or they will get old enough that it won't be an issue.

amother

Violet

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:37 pm

Have you tried leaving your baby with someone, and leaving the house by yourself? Maybe that's what you need to do, in small steps, for short trips just to have a little break. It is unquestionably a HUMONGOUS transition to have your first baby, and might even take longer till you do not feel overwhelmed, even though you think you shouldn't be overwhelmed (if you look at other mothers of multiples and wonder how they do it, they have much more practice and everyone is so different!!).

If you need to get out (who doesn't?), and can do it without baby, briefly, please do so!!