"Expenses increase as kids get bigger"

Busybee5

Wed, Dec 27 2023, 7:43 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

Undergarments for your girls as they grow!!!

Nothing compared to boys tuition as they grow ,or their trousers (pants) always needing new ones because they split in football. And I pay a lot for each pair! Almost as much as my daughters Shabbos dresses cost.

The proof is in the pudding. My sister in law has a boy and a girl one after the other. The boy is in a small specialised yeshiva in Israel, he needs loads of spending money, then flights home are very costly.
The daughter has long finished seminary, is working hard, uses a lot of her own money on things, and isn't costing her parents more than food! Plus she's probably got a nice little savings pot to go into marriage with.
The boy likely has zero savings, and is costing his parents a fortune month on month. And believe me his wedding will cost as much as his sister's.

Busybee5

Wed, Dec 27 2023, 7:46 pm

amother Firethorn wrote:

What do you consider expensive tuition in England? Here in Brooklyn HS starts at $13,000.

13000 dollars and 13000 pounds are very different.

I've no idea how much we make a month but I can't imagine it's more than £4.5k (I should probably know but my dh's can be different every month)
1k a month for one child is a chunk of our income.
We have mortgage, bills to pay, other kids tuition, food. You get the picture.

amother

Firethorn

Wed, Dec 27 2023, 7:48 pm

Busybee5 wrote:

We have these in the US too.

Busybee5

Wed, Dec 27 2023, 7:59 pm

amother Firethorn wrote:

We have these in the US too.

Of course you do, I was explaining how much of our son's tuition comes out of our monthly take home pay.
To the poster above who was saying that we have 'low roofs' in England on tuition but I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. It cripples us all here, especially if you have big boys. My nephew actually went to the US for yeshiva for a bit, and my sil was shocked at how much we're paying, saying it's more than they're paying for their son in America.

amother

Valerian

Wed, Dec 27 2023, 8:27 pm

Busybee5 wrote:

Oh yes and don't get me started about all their trips with friends, eating out etc . It all adds up really fast. In fact they all play football at least once a week including dh so that's a chunk gone just from that!
Then there are school trips. ..

We paid for those things on our own. We had money from summer jobs or babysitting.
My parents paid for our needs: tuition, food for the house, undergarments, clothes (2 shabbos, 2 weekday plus uniforms) 2 pairs shoes, coat
Extras like another pair of shoes or another top We used our own money
I don't feel resentful one bit

Busybee5

Wed, Dec 27 2023, 8:31 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

He sometimes does. But his only source of income is every so often when he finishes a specific amount of learning. And guess where that £100 comes from? Us! But more often than not we'll pay, because he spends his own money so far.
Otherwise he doesn't earn any money.
My 2nd son goes to a shul during the week that pay him to attend so he has a bit of money.

amother

Lightyellow

Wed, Dec 27 2023, 9:47 pm

Busybee5 wrote:

I don't understand your post. This thread is not comparing boys and girls but rather expenses growing as kids do. Which makes my post very on point - when girls grow and develop and need good supportive bras, well, that's one thing that will cost you more.

amother

Coffee

Wed, Dec 27 2023, 11:03 pm

In addition to everything that others mentioned, what I'm finding adds up quickly is for my bachur: mikva money, wallet money (for snacks, etc), taxis to get him to/from yeshiva on days there's no transportation... His clothes are also waaaaaaaaaaay more expensive. Until bar mitzva boys wear 15 dollar cat and jack pants with tops ranging in price from 20-30. Now his pants cost more, shirts cost about the same, but plus a hat, plus only a frum-style coat, plus shoes which cost more than Geox sneakers....

amother

Electricblue

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 7:06 pm

Busybee5 wrote:

You originally said that tuition was "through the roof" in England, hence my response that you have a low roof, meaning Tuition in the USA is at least 10 times that! On average High schools start at $13,000, anywhere up to $40,000. (Thats £10,000 to £30,000.) I got a bill this year for $60,000 for 4 children in school (various grades). There are obviously different prices in different schools/ communities/cities but tuition is easily more than the mortgage for most people this side of the pond!

Busybee5

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 7:21 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

Oh I see

It's all relative to your country and wages so Tuition is a big deal here as well. I'm not sure why you're down playing it. Our mortgage happens to be fairly low yet our Tuition for just one of our children is almost double that. That's for one child. 60,000 sounds a LOT but more importantly how much of your yearly take home pay is that? Also I work in months , not yearly so I've no idea how much we pay for our 5 kids a year, nor do I want to find out LOL

seeker

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 8:59 pm

Hand me downs don't work anymore because 1. They grow slower so more things get worn out instead of outgrown and passed on and 2. Their bodies start to be different shapes and what fit the first kid doesn't necessarily work for the next. That's even assuming they don't care at all about the style and being up to date, which is less and less likely as they grow.

They eat more. Bigger bodies need more food.

Girls start needing menstrual products and more expensive undergarments.

They start having more things like school trips, shabbatons, yearbooks, etc that parents are expected to pay for.

Inflation happens and hits your expenses before it reaches your income (if it ever does. Sigh.)

They might start needing more space, if you started out in a small space. The kids who fit into your small one bedroom apartment with a bunk bed plus toddler bed plus pack n play will need to stretch their legs. You might need to separate kids who shared rooms when younger, such as by gender. Bigger home will be significantly more expensive, generally.

If you want to get really older, they might get driver's licenses and then your insurance goes up whether you let them use your car or not. Significant increase monthly until they move out.

Orthodontia, often. This doesn't generally continue to increase as they get older, but it hits at least once in the transition from little kid to big kid. Your teens will also want acne face wash and moisturizer and assorted other toiletries at higher cost than their early childhood.

Some kids start with glasses when they're little, but the odds of needing to buy glasses or lenses for your child increase around age 10.

I'm not even touching bar mitzvah, wedding, seminary, etc. Just why the day to day expenses of life get bigger as the kids get bigger.

amother

Lightcoral

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 10:20 pm

Wow this is all sending me in a panic.
I have three under 8 and we are trying for one more and I’m thinking maybe we are making a huge mistake.
We are scraping by now but wow I have no idea how we will in the future with all of these added expenses. I never really thought this through too well… 😬

amother

cornflower

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 11:22 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

Clothing is a big one. Little kids can wear hand-me-downs and Tottini clearance and Kidichic, and if it isn't a perfect fit no big deal. Teens need well-fitting clothing because they are more self-conscious. They are often much more particular about color and style. Boys need suits and hats and specific styles of shoes and coats.

Food is also significant. Bigger kids eat more. You can watch your grocery budget double when teens (especially teen boys) come home.

Older kids often need more spending money. They are going out with friends, they want to do an activity, they are chipping in to buy a gift for a classmate. They need specific shampoo for their hair, they need a deodorant with a specific scent, they need to wax their legs or buy a yearbook ad.

Teen camps are very expensive, and even staying home for the summer with a teen is a lot. You can't just go to the playground anymore.

If your teen starts to drive, expect your car insurance to double or triple.

Tuition in high schools are much higher than in elementary.

I love my teens dearly, and I think mine are much lower maintenance than most, but they are still very expensive.

About the spending money and extras (specific products, clothing extras) - is this mostly in town? Ie NY and NJ? Because when I grew up OOT I didn't hang out with friends after school, go out to eat, or do crazy expensive activities...
Was it just my group of friends or is this something that OOT have less pressure? Yes we had pizza stores and the like but in high school we didn't hang out as much as it seems kids of imamothers do...

(Was in high-school 15-20 years ago)

amother

Emerald

Thu, Dec 28 2023, 11:23 pm

amother Lightcoral wrote:

Hashem helps. Your income also generally increases over the years.

But don't get into expensive habits now or think you don't need to save. Practice living within your means. Get used to giving maaser now, it's much harder to start later and it's very beneficial!

amother

Lightcoral

Fri, Dec 29 2023, 2:05 am

amother Emerald wrote:

We are living near bare bones right now as it is haha not much more to cut back on. Though yes hopefully by that point I will be able to work more and bring a little more in. Though not enough to offset the number of expenses everyone is listing. Eek. G-d willing it will all work out semi-ok at least.

amother

Blushpink

Fri, Dec 29 2023, 4:53 am

amother Electricblue wrote:

She said 1k per month which is 12k per year so about the same.

Busybee5

Fri, Dec 29 2023, 5:09 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

She said 1k per month which is 12k per year so about the same.

Yes but it's not the same , it's more here. Those that don't understand dollars to pounds possibly won't understand me. It's all about how much we earn ,and how much other things cost. Would you compare 1k shekolim to 1k dollars. Same idea here. It's not the same. 1k dollars is way less than 1k in pounds.

amother

Blushpink

Fri, Dec 29 2023, 5:11 am

I have both boys and girls. Boys are hands down more expensive.
Suits.
Food.
Shoes!
Hats.
Haircuts

For the girls I can always find something on sale, they have time to babysit and earn some of their own money for extras.

Tuition is similar for both of them.

There's also utility bills - 5 teens having long showers every night adds up. They use more electricity etc.
Toiletries - for the girls plus deoderants, shower gel, shampoo etc in crazy quantities

OP about your question - as they grow, every day expenses grow. It's not just simchos. It's just the every day bills. A 3 yr old eats one and a half potatoes. A 13 year old eats 5 or 6. A 3 yr old eats a small piece of chicken. A 13 yr old will eat a quarter. etc. For small kids utilities are negligible. For older kids way more. Clothes are more expensive in proportion with size. Shoes are way more. Tuition.