DS and Dd need sharing hotel room for pesach

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:24 am

amother Natural wrote:

It wouldn’t occur to me that this is a zxual issue. I thought it was privacy.

Multiple issues. Zxual, privacy, maybe Halacha
And at this point of her expressing discomfort, add bodily autonomy and empowerment to make your own choices and right to feel safe to the list.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:26 am

amother Natural wrote:

I don’t understand this comment. What values are you insinuating that she is teaching ? And how is this a reflection of values at all?

That the daughter's feelings aren't taken into serious consideration. To invalidate a 22 year olds feelings in this situation speaks volumes.

amother

Rainbow

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:30 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I think modern orthodox are okay with it. The idea is why it inappropriate if their sister and brother? (Not going into details… but I’m sure you understand where their argument would go from there).

What in the world!!!!
Who said anything about MO.
I love how we can turn anything into a bash MO thread.

See my post above. I am MO. Fairly to the left. I have been going away for Pesach to MO hotels for over 30 years. All my friends are MO. All my relatives are MO and I have never heard of someone even thinking putting their DD and DS in a room together. You with have a family suite, parents split up, DD shares with grandma if she is a widow, kids share with cousins or long term cousin like friends, you get an extra room……

But anything to twist and bash MO.

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:34 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

Honestly it sounds like that poster is trying to find a way to justify it for some reason (boredom? Craving human interaction? Depression?) and is latching in to assumptions about a community she doesn't know well to do so. Notice MO wasn't mentioned beforehand. Notice she's guessing. Notice her ideas seem to be inaccurate.

This has happened on Imamother before.

amother

Vanilla

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:37 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

It shouldn't be complicated. She shouldn't be made to pay because her parents decided to go to a hotel for pesach & couldn't be bothered to make proper arrangements.
It's not that complicated at all.

Why? She’s an adult.

By the time I was 22 (still single) my parents were going to their married kids for pesach and I was responsible for my own arrangements, including airfare. I sometimes joined them, sometimes went to a different sibling, but I didn’t expect them to take responsibility for my pesach plans anymore.

Obviously this is different, but it’s reasonable for her to pay towards her own room (assuming they’re not sponsoring all their married kids.)

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:39 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

I'm chareidi litvish in Israel and I definitely agree with you.
We are all frum women.
Mixing in hashkafa is so wrong.

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:40 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

It’s one person posting on all threads. Just ignore her.

amother

Natural

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:44 am

amother Vanilla wrote:

When I started working at 22 I definitely contributed towards pesach hotel and did so for as many years as I could. (Once I got married and that doubled I couldn’t do so comfortably) my parents didn’t need my money but I thought it was important to show I wasn’t taking their generosity for granted

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:49 am

amother Vanilla wrote:

This could be a reasonable arrangement had it been the arrangement.
But OP's arrangement wasn't that adult children pay for themselves.
Why should this change when OP realizes it's not ok to put her daughter in a shared room with son? Not fair.

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 7:54 am

amother Peru wrote:

As I said...

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:19 am

It doesn't sound like the OP has any other kids?

Regardless, they should either have husband and son in one room, and Mother and daughter in the other. Unless they can get a 3rd room.

As for daughter paying for her own ro, I see both sides. She's definitely at an age where she (could be) making her own money, but to have her pay for a decision that wasn't hers (her parents planned this, not her) I'm not so sure is appropriate.

My husbands family has more money then us. (His siblings, not parents) and one yr they decided to do a family pesach hotel package. They were making arrangements and everything. We had to point blank say we're not going, we can't afford that. Luckily we had the time to turn it down...

I can't even imagine having that situation, and now having to hand over a lot of money..

Her parents want this trip, they booked it. They should split up the rooms by gender or pay for a erd if they can.

Also, has anyone noticed, OP hasn't even commented on the thread?🤔

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:23 am

amother Babyblue wrote:

I agree with what you said.
Regarding your last sentence, I believe she'll come back to it. It's not like she started ignoring at some point. She posted and went about her day.
There's a world out there... Outside Imamother LOL

amother

Purple

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:29 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

She clearly doesn’t think a sister and brother would be doing that together. That’s why modern orthodox are okay with having a brother and sister sleep in same room and girl wear pants in front of her brother. How common is incest? I don’t think common enough to worry about it. A boss is very different than a brother or father.

I guess I do need to be more explicit.

It's not about a fear of incest. It's about the message you give to your daughter to respect her feelings that something is not right in a potentially s-xually charged situation. A woman or girl should never be forced to be in a s-xually uncomfortable situation. Period. Whether actual relations takes place is irrelevant.

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:30 am

amother Purple wrote:

Let it go, don't argue with Razmattazz

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:32 am

amother Chicory wrote:

I was raped by my brother in a hotel room. We were sharing beds (around 12/13).

I'm so so sorry. 💔

Thank you for speaking up here and making your voice heard, you are helping her children.

amother

Broom

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:56 am

FYI for those saying MO or non-Jews etc.. think about Section 8 where if you have 2-3 kids of same gender they still get one bedroom but if you have 2 kids opposite genders they each get a bedroom (or at least that’s what I remember hearing years ago from a family member, it may have changed)

amother

Broom

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:57 am

amother Chicory wrote:

I was raped by my brother in a hotel room. We were sharing beds (around 12/13).

Sorry this happened to you. Thanks for sharing as I’m sure you will open many peoples eyes and potentially help others not experience what you did.