S/O - boys and girls not sharing rooms - from when?

Ema of 5

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:37 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

If I’m not mistaken modern orthodox are always okay with it, because they don’t believe incest will occur. But, if someone else is modern orthodox and thinks I’m wrong, you can correct me.

What? What person, no matter how they identify, is naive enough to believe that incest doesn’t occur? I don’t live my life on the assumption that it will, but that doesn’t mean it can’t. I wouldn’t willingly put my kids in such a situation on a daily basis, but as a one time thing I don’t think it’s the end of the work.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:39 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

If I’m not mistaken modern orthodox are always okay with it, because they don’t believe incest will occur. But, if someone else is modern orthodox and thinks I’m wrong, you can correct me.

I don’t think they are denial about it. Who said they are ok with it? And why would anyone be in denial that incest is real and an issue?

amother

Hyacinth

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:40 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

If I’m not mistaken modern orthodox are always okay with it, because they don’t believe incest will occur. But, if someone else is modern orthodox and thinks I’m wrong, you can correct me.

Why are you bringing up MO?
And why are you making assumptions about a community you don't know? FOR NO REASON?

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:43 am

I’m assuming the mo comment person is the same as the one on the other thread. Very strange to bring it in especially when she’s making up things. Perhaps her goal was to rile everyone up and it’s working…

amother

Cyclamen

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:44 am

That was the weirdest post. Can we ignore and move on?
I would feel sharing a room is inappropriate from when they are aware of their bodies. Some kids 4, some kids 10.
I currently have my 4 yr old daughter sharing with her 4 older brothers due to lack of space. When she gets a bit older, she'll sleep in the living room.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:44 am

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

If I’m not mistaken modern orthodox are always okay with it, because they don’t believe incest will occur. But, if someone else is modern orthodox and thinks I’m wrong, you can correct me.

Are you the one bringing up Moder Orthodox in every thread???
This has ZERO to do with modern orthodox, or incest. It's about personal space & private, which MO very much respect.
Even in the non jewish world, it's not common for girls & boys to share a room.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:45 am

Yikes! Who thinks that incest will occur?????

You think if your teens will be sleeping in the same room, they’ll be having sx????

amother

Lightblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:45 am

Maybe I'm super naive, but I find this whole conversation so sad. I shared a room with my older brother on occasion until we were into our teens.
I remember him coming home from yeshiva and my parents letting me sleep in his room Friday night as a special treat. We had the best conversations in the dark - never once did an inappropriate thought cross my mind. I think it's so sad that we can't let our children nowadays have such relationships

For reference - I grew up right wing, bordering on yeshivish

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:49 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Yikes! Who thinks that incest will occur?????

You think if your teens will be sleeping in the same room, they’ll be having sx????

All Yichud is about protecting from s-x. Incest occurs more than we’d like to think. That’s not the main reason to have genders separate. They deserve privacy and sleeping is a vulnerable state, once a person says it makes them uncomfortable it’s wrong to force it.

Ema of 5

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:49 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Yikes! Who thinks that incest will occur?????

You think if your teens will be sleeping in the same room, they’ll be having sx????

No, no one thinks it’s going to happen, but at the same time no sane person is in denial that it can and does. I don’t know anyone who would put their kids in such a position if it wasn’t necessary. No one I know would put boys and girls together without giving it any thought.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:50 am

amother Lightblue wrote:

This seems normal to me. Theres a difference between needed more privacy and thinking something inappropriate will happen if siblings sleep in the same room for a few nights.

amother

Hyacinth

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:52 am

amother Cyclamen wrote:

What do you mean by aware of their bodies? And how would you know what age that is?

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:53 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Yikes! Who thinks that incest will occur?????

You think if your teens will be sleeping in the same room, they’ll be having sx????

I worked in social services.
You can call it incest or you can call it abuse - but the most common form of abuse I have seen is with pubescent boys "trying things out" with or without consent with there sisters (sometimes brothers, but less common). There is also a TON of literature on this

Across the board, jewish and non jewish, across socio-economic circles, and in the jewish world across religious groups ( from super chassidish to completely secular)

So while I would not suspect my children, I think a healthy home fosters a sense of seperation between genders and mitigates opportunity. And Btw I have seen more issues with 9-11 year olds who came across p_rn and tried the stuff they saw out then with 16-17 year olds....

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:53 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

This seems normal to me. Theres a difference between needed more privacy and thinking something inappropriate will happen if siblings sleep in the same room for a few nights.

It's not about thinking that something inappropriate would happen. If a girl expresses her discomfort over sharing a room with her brother, then parents should respect that and not force her in to it.

amother

Hyacinth

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:00 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

This thread is the spin off. Please post about that situation in that thread.

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:00 am

Havent read the entire thread. Putting halacha aside, which I dont think you should, but was the case in my parents home, I dont think past 10 should share with other gender. My brother and I are two years apart and we lived in a very small space until I was 12. We shared the room and it was the worst. No nothing s-xual cv but we just really wanted privacy and space from eachother. We had a relative sleeping on the couch otherwise id have done it for sure.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:02 am

amother Hyacinth wrote:

This thread is the spin off. Please post about that situation in that thread.

This is a general statement that doesn't only apply to that situation.
If your daughter or son expresses discomfort over their having to share a room with their sister/brother, it's your responsibility as a parent to not ignore their discomfort & to find a different solution for them.

amother

Navy

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:04 am

When I was in 6th grade I shared a room with my brother (2 years younger) and sister (5 years younger). Lasted about a year. We actually had a lot of fun together. I know this is different because 1- I was older and 2- there were multiple kids in the room but I don't think it's inherently malicious. You have to know your kids