Do you consider your autistic child special needs ?

LovesHashem

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 8:02 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

It's a good question, when to say "neurodiverse" and When to say "special needs"

Im thinking...

Neurodiverse is high functioning autism, ADHD, maybe some mental health conditions like OCD

And I would use special needs for anyone with a very noticeable or concrete disability. But it doesn't have to be cognitive. Like blindness, or wheelchair bound, non verbal autism...

You would call all the IDF soldiers who lost limbs and need a wheelchair special needs? ?

What about someone with cancer? Any other physical condition or disorder that is visible?

I would term special needs with any with a cognitive defect.

LovesHashem

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 8:06 am

amother Steel wrote:

I may get hate for this but I consider my 8 year old with ADHD to be special needs because she does have different needs. There is no use in denying that, in fact it does more harm than good to deny the fact that some kids are higher support needs than others, regardless of their diagnosis.
Edited to add: I have never called her special needs, I feel that the term is degrading, I do realize that she has different needs than typical kids, thats what I am trying to say.

I have different needs. So do people with so many other conditions, whether it's cancer, severe anxiety, ptsd - if we call all different needs special needs half of us on this site might as well be special needs.

There's neurodiverse and disabled which are great terms. Also currently the autistic community is working towards not using the terms high and low functioning and instead using high and low support needs which doesn't put a high value on the idea of functioning, and I think this terminology is much better for people's self esteem and understanding of themselves as someone with different and important needs.

amother

Vermilion

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 4:06 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I would consider a missing limb a special need. Cancer is more dependent on specifics.

I think I equate "special needs" with "handicapped"

What about a kid with CP who is cognitively fine, but can't talk clearly or walk or write... You sure you wouldn't call that special needs?

amother

Indigo

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 4:18 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

I also grapple with this. My son has HFA & HDHD. He is mainstreamed and although he probably appears to others as somewhat awkward most people would not think he has "special Needs".
There's an organization that always sends me invites to their mom's night out. As much as I want the support, I never go. I feel like it's not right of me to go. It's probably meant for the parents of kids with more needs.

As a mom of both a child with special needs and a child who is neurodiverse and sometimes feels special needs, you can definitely go IF you want to. They invited you, they aren't limiting attendees based on the level of needs. If you feel the support would be helpful then by all means take it as long as it's within your comfort zone.
I think the tricky thing with some kids who seem a bit more gray is whether or not we want to identify with the label and not the child themselves

amother

Slateblue

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 5:32 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

I feel the same way, I feel dumb to go to these events even though I get invited. My child (5) is in a special Ed school now but I hope to mainstream in the future if possible.
I also feel like people judge/ wonder if I’m just making a big deal out of nothing. Sometimes ppl compare their typical children and say things like oh my kids also don’t share/ also tantrum tons l etc and I feel like they don’t understand….

LovesHashem

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 7:26 pm

amother Vermilion wrote:

I'd call them disabled. Or name their condition.

I'd love for someone to do a poll one day and ask people with all these conditions of they'd be comfortable with people calling them special needs.

If someone says oh I have a neice who is pretty cute but she has special needs do you think of someone marriageable? Someone who can get a job or hold a conversation? Someone who might be more smart or mature than you? A great friend? Someone who you would go to for advice?

Or is your first thought someone who probably has a lot of handicaps and isn't capable of holding a conversation on the same level as you, can't get married, or hold a job.

When I hear the term special needs I immediately think of the latter. I think of high supports needs autistics, down syndrome, people that need to go to a specialized school where they are essentially babysat and are at max a five year old cognitive level.

Maybe I'm wrong and everyone just thinks of someone who might be a great fun guy just missing a leg and ask if they are single or need a job if you dabble in helping people with those things.

(Yes I know some people with downs syndrome do and can get married but overall most shouldnt or can't)

amother

Cyan

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 8:31 pm

amother Vermilion wrote:

With this logic why would an intelligent person with blindness or wheel chair bound want to be called special needs either? Seems like it’s maybe an offensive term.

amother

Cyan

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 8:39 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I’ve seen high functioning kids with DS.

amother

Vermilion

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 9:09 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I'm trying to figure this out too...

I guess the difference between me and you is that I didn't think of "special needs" as such a stigma by default. Maybe Im wrong.

Im also thinking in terms of - what does it mean to be a specialist needs mom? Like OP was asking what mothers belong at an event for moms of special needs kids. So I would think, say a mother of a kid with a severe physical disability, who needs constant care and therapy, would totally qualify... But not every mother of an ADHD kid.

TwinsMommy

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 11:12 pm

My completely verbal teens with autism AND adhd consider themselves to have special needs. IQs are above (one twin) to WAY (other twin) above average, but both need significant support --- one twin likely will never drive--- the other isn't anywhere near ready at 17----- and are on a lot of medications and have done a lot of therapy.

They (and I) don't think of "special needs" as offensive. If they asked me not to say they have special needs, I wouldn't.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 1:21 am

I have 2 kids with hfasd.
I consider them special needs.
They are in many many different kinds of therapies. They know their diagnosis, and are ok with it. their cognitive abilities are on par with age, but they suffer in many many other areas. Of course they can "manage" without any therapy, but it will definitely impair their future, as symptoms get worse with age if not treated properly. I dont know why people look at special needs as derogatory. it is what Hashem gave them. If I am ok with it, they will be too. Hashem created them with a different kind of brain. It does not work the same way of a neurotypical brain, even with a high IQ. Their EQ, social, emotional development is severely impaired. rigid black and white thinking, etc...
this is special needs.
It could be (just a thought, dont know for sure) that people who are insulted by it, someone maybe used it against them in childhood. and they took that shame with them to adulthood.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 2:00 am

I feel weird calling my HFA kid special needs because as it relates to me he's just different.

There are a lot of things he struggles with. Including some really basic things like making friends, not saying inappropriate things, not touching people when it isn't appropriate, holding a conversation that isn't just him talking about his special interests. I don't know what the future holds for him.

At the same time, he doesn't really require anything special from me. He needs a little extra homework help but so does my dd with dyslexia. He's a picky eater but again, not the only one in the family. He needs me to not expect things he can't do, like socialize at big family events or go to fireworks displays or sympathize if I'm suffering.

Aside from that, his needs are the same as those of any other kid. Clean laundry, a packed lunch for school, a listening ear (just that in his case it's about his special interests not school drama), reminders to shower and do his homework. And like any other kid he can be a joy to be around. He's imaginative and sweet and some of his special interests are genuinely interesting.

He struggles more than most kids, including wilder kids who break things and act out. I struggle more or less the same as the average parent of the average kid. I have neurotypical kids who've been harder to deal with.

So yeah, that's it for me. I'd say he's "special needs" in the context of school but I wouldn't label myself a "parent of a special needs kid" because somehow that sounds to me like I'm saying this kid is extra hard to parent and he isn't.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 2:18 am

amother Smokey wrote:

special needs does not mean "especially hard to parent". I have a friend with a down syndrome son. He is sweet and adorable. very friendly and happy. He is NOT hard to parent at all! He listens and tells off her other kids for not listening! "you do not talk like that to a mommy!". yet he is very special needs!! I heard this from a lot of parents with cognitively impaired special kids. these are not the ones they struggle with. they are easy! so thats not how I would define special needs.

special needs is just that, someone whos needs are not the same as your average neurotypical. they have special needs. no and you dont need to run around giving your special needs child all that therapy. but it will definitely help them live the best life they could live if you do. I look at the therapies I give my kids as a gift to them. also it will help their future.