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Pidyon haben
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 8:36 pm
Parents separated
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amother
Lemonchiffon


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 8:39 pm
Is the get refusal davka relevant or is it like other brissin etc where parents are separated?
There’s no one answer. There’s no right answer.
I’m sorry you or someone close to you is going through this. It’s so painful to celebrate a simcha like this I’ve been to one.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 8:40 pm
Oy… this is so hard.
What did they do for the bris?
There’s no right or wrong here.
It depends on so many factors.
I would suggest speaking with a competent rav who knows the details so he could advise exactly what everyone should do in this situation.
I’m sorry that things are so hard for you now…
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amother
Sand


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 8:43 pm
It’s her baby she should attend.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 8:45 pm
I don't understand the question. I understand the situation but what is your question
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amother
Lemonchiffon


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 8:48 pm
(My answer even though I said there’s no right answer?
Yes I do think everyone should attend and grin and bear it.
I’d Focus on the baby as a Bracha, and daven away that the good middos and mesiras nefesh exhibited should be a zechus for the baby’s life.)
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amother
DarkMagenta


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 9:11 pm
Take advantage of the fact that a mechitza with separate sides for the men and woman is normal. With a mechitza, you will be on different sides anyway . So you don’t need to sit together or anything.
As far as his relatives, they will always be your child’s relatives …
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amother
Aster


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 9:26 pm
What did they do at the bris? Not sure why it needs to be complicated, they are both the parents and will always be in each others lives and have to be there for simchas for the kids. Birthday parties, graduations, bar mitzvahs, weddings, then all the events for grandchildren. Life doesnt stop because they got separated..

They sit at separate tables, they act politely and dont make any scenes. Thats all.
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amother
Honey


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:27 pm
Why is the get relevant?
Who says things are finalized and they're even at the point to give the get?
If you think of it, just 10 months ago they were most definitely living together. That's a very short time for people to start screaming get refuser.
Yes, mom of baby should attend the same way she will iyh attend her sons chumash play, bar mitzvah, wedding and any other milestone
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:32 pm
Are you sure he is REFUSING to give the get or perhaps they haven’t worked out the situation yet for him to be READY to give the get?
Not every man is wicked. And if you know the story only from her side, then you don’t know the sulk situation.
I am sure there is a rav involved. They can make a pidyon haben that so extremely small.
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:50 pm
This is a baby. He's not yet 30 days old. He is with the mother. How will the father have a pidyan haven without mother and baby?

And, no, you don't become an agunah the day you ask for a get. No beis din gives you a get the day you ask for it.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:56 pm
My brother had this situation . They were separated at the time of the pidyon haben. My brother and his ex were both there and they celebrated together .
My parents are divorced and they came to all of their kids simchos . It’s hurtful to children when their parents don’t join their simchos because of their divorce issues . A baby doesn’t know , but one day that baby will no longer be a baby and he will find out . Both parents should be celebrating the birth of their bechor .


Last edited by amother on Sun, Feb 11 2024, 11:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Brickred


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 10:58 pm
I know someone who the mother refused allowing the father to cone to the bris. They had gotten separated shortly after the wedding when she was pregnant and decided she didn't like him and went back to her parents. She also said he wouldn't give a get , however his rosh hayeshiva said no get until they try to work on the marriage first 6 months without her being hormonal and without her parents involved. It is at least 15 years later and they are still married with a few more children. She definitely regrets not allowing him to be by his sons bris.
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amother
Jasmine


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 11:00 pm
amother DarkMagenta wrote:
Take advantage of the fact that a mechitza with separate sides for the men and woman is normal. With a mechitza, you will be on different sides anyway . So you don’t need to sit together or anything.
As far as his relatives, they will always be your child’s relatives …


A mechitza? I don’t think I’ve ever been to a pidyon haben with a mechitza. Obviously This is community dependent but since OP didn’t say what community she’s in I think a mechitza is a bit of an assumption
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BaltoMom65




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 11:19 pm
amother Brickred wrote:
I know someone who the mother refused allowing the father to cone to the bris. They had gotten separated shortly after the wedding when she was pregnant and decided she didn't like him and went back to her parents. She also said he wouldn't give a get , however his rosh hayeshiva said no get until they try to work on the marriage first 6 months without her being hormonal and without her parents involved. It is at least 15 years later and they are still married with a few more children. She definitely regrets not allowing him to be by his sons bris.
This is why I wish birth control was a requirement for the first year of marriage
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amother
Aster


 

Post Sun, Feb 11 2024, 11:44 pm
BaltoMom65 wrote:
This is why I wish birth control was a requirement for the first year of marriage


Or people could just learn to not be selfish, and be civil for their childrens sake
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 12 2024, 1:55 am
amother Aster wrote:
Or people could just learn to not be selfish, and be civil for their childrens sake


That would be nice but we need a realistic solution....
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amother
Amber


 

Post Mon, Feb 12 2024, 2:05 am
I don't know the situation but maybe the Rabbi could tell him that if he need to give the Get before the Pidyon Haben?
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amother
Molasses


 

Post Mon, Feb 12 2024, 4:01 am
amother Honey wrote:
Why is the get relevant?
Who says things are finalized and they're even at the point to give the get?
If you think of it, just 10 months ago they were most definitely living together. That's a very short time for people to start screaming get refuser.
Yes, mom of baby should attend the same way she will iyh attend her sons chumash play, bar mitzvah, wedding and any other milestone

THIS
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amother
Seablue


 

Post Mon, Feb 12 2024, 5:33 am
A Pidyon Haben is the father's obligation.

Who says it has to be an event?

It can be a pizza party in his apt for 10 men and a Kohen
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