I got a nice new car- everyone is commenting

amother

Salmon

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:15 pm

I was going to post the world famous quote Money changes people. I did a search on the quote and the following came up MONEY DOESN'T CHANGE PEOPLE, IT JUST SHOWS WHO THEY REALLY ARE.

We need to remember to stay humble. Money comes and money goes. One bad investment, one year like covid... and people lose everything.
Tzeduka & your good name....being a giver can't be taken away mitzvahs stay yours forever.

Enjoy your money responsibility.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:16 pm

:amother Forestgreen wrote:

I feel the same way when I get a new shaitel, which is more often than my close friends. However , unlike them, I have no cleaning help. I save close to 4k a year without (not that my wigs cost that much.) I also don't get my nails done, ever. Which is also a huge savings.

THIS!! I scrimp on stuff that others consider daily necessities, so that I can do something that others consider a luxury, my choice. Then they dont fargin and they make mean, hurtful comments (even close family). I dont make comments when you enjoy the comforts of whatever it is that you spend your money on, please dont make me feel badly that I saved my pennies for a splurge that you consider extravagant.
OP has tied herself in a pretzel explaining their car choice. She shouldnt have to. Why cant we be happy for one another?
We are taught אל תירא כי יעשר איש כי ירבה כבוד ביתו, כי לא במותו ייקח הכל לא ירד אחריו כבודו tehillim 49:6
We really gotta stop looking at what others have with a jaundiced eye or at least think before we speak, recognize jealousy and rein it in.

chestnut

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 12:15 am

amother Oleander wrote:

This. If I saw someone I gave tzedakah to in the past now living with luxuries I don't have- yes- I would not fargin. Unless the person gave back massive amounts to the tzedakah organization.

And how would you know if she did or didn't?
Can't people who relied on tzeddaka get on their feet and succeed? Would we rather they continue relying on tzeddaka?

amother

Mint

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 1:44 am

We have relied on Help before. We never had to go to an organization because we had parents that helps keep us from giving up our home. Thank God we are now doing extremely well. Yes we can afford a nice car and vacations. Thank God my parents are really happy for us and I’m not comparing family helping to an organization but now that we make seven figures we shouldn’t get the nice car because we got Help in the past. And yes, we do give more than 10% to. Tzedekah . I live in Israel so we buy things that are below. Our means because we do not want to stand out. We do have a nice car and then I saw them but definitely didn’t look for the nicest because that is not the kind of people we are. I don’t want to stand out. and I don’t wear flashy jewelry or expensive clothing. Well I live in Israel, so I’m not buying Gucci or anything like that. I would never buy it anyway because it’s just not worth important to. We don’t even live in a freestanding house. I think people would be shocked if they knew how much money we had because I think compared to how much we have. We live quite simply. And I’m reiterating again that we are extremely generous and yes, I even help out friends and try to do it quietly so they don’t know it was me. Once in a while, I do give them a gift and I know it’s for me but I try to keep the. Tzedekah money a secret like have it go through a Rav’s fund. I would never want them to feel indebted towards me. And I’m extremely sensitive and I never talk about things with you that they’re not able to do. I don’t even usually mention vacations and then they’re kind of annoyed with me, that I didn’t say anything in advance, but if near me, they don’t need to know

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 2:25 am

amother Cyan wrote:

The weird thing about this thread is that the op said "everyone" is making "comments".

Two questions: who's everybody and what are the comments?

Is "everybody" 3 people? 4 or 5?

And more importantly what are the comments?

If people are saying, "nice car", "nice upgrade", or "I really like your car", these are not inappropriate comments.

I find it hard to believe that "everyone" is making inappropriate comments like, "I'm surprised you can afford this", "you're the last person I thought would be driving this fancy car, or, don't you guys get a big tuition break?".

I'm inclined to believe that the op is being too sensitive to typical comments acknowledging she has a new car, rather than op actually being the victim of rude comments.

You took the word everyone as literal. Ok, I’ll be exact. I’ve been getting quite a few comments. I’ll give examples: 1.Think along the lines of someone posting it on a chat with a few friends responding. I’m not gonna share exactly because I don’t want to out myself. One friend text privately after and apologised. 2. Someone I work with that saw me on the carpool line . 3. My husbands friend waving from his car. 4. Boys in my son’s class calling him “Richy” and other nicknames - ended up going to the principal. Should I continue? I think you kinda get the idea. There were some people that were genuinely happy for us.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 3:04 am

Gosh what a wild thread. Astonished by some of the comments.

My ONE friend who drives a very fancy car (European upscale) has a miserable life. Lots of issues with her husband, kids, and her health...

We never know what's going on in a person's life. Driving a nice car means NOTHING.

Silly neighbors for making the comments and silly OP for getting stressed from the comments being made. Seriously... Why is this such a huge deal?

Also, just wait a few weeks and your car will be "old news" and no one will make any more comments.

If this truly bothers you then next time you lease a car you should get something super standard. You can also swap out this current lease if these comments are so triggering to you. Don't expect anything from anyone. They are not obglitated to fargin.

amother

Valerian

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:30 pm

OP. I'm happy for your thread at this time because my husband just sold his car to buy a new car in a similar model and I'm embarrassed?! I live on a simple block and just need my car to take me from place 1 to place 2 with heat and ac and don't need a new car. I'm actually nervous about my neighbors reactions. I don't want to explain to anyone our reasoning, what kind of deal we got, etc. Hashem should help! Bezras Hashem He will.

Cheiny

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:41 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Again. “Rein it in?” Have you not learned how hard it is to change one middah?

amother

Crystal

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:45 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

I think this is just very relative. In my neighborhood a new minivan (Toyota at that lol, costs good money) or Highlander/ pilot wont raise anyone’s eyebrows. You could afford comfort so you paid for it bh.

The large jeep is a very high end super flashy car (more so than a Lexus/ Volvo etc). Most people getting it are definitely looking to make a statement and feel cool, it’s uncommon and talked about.

I don’t doubt that ops husband chose it because he liked it, and could be he was oblivious to the social association or just didn’t care. But I don’t think it’s weird that boys in your son’s class are commenting on it and don’t think it “only” comes from jealousy. See the thread about over the top simchas. There are plenty of ways to spend money without being showy.

(Bh not jealous here, we bought the Highlander grand preorder cash and could also afford the jeep. But would never drive around in a car that has people looking twice)

amother

Crystal

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:53 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

Really?! I had no idea!!
I live in NY
It's a basic car here...my lease is 340 a month

No lol. Your Honda isn’t that expensive, the jeep is much much more. So no one would block at another Honda pilot. But a wagoneer does attract attention. It’s considered a very hyped car in the secular world as well. Google jeep wagoneer 2024 prices vs Honda pilot and you’ll see what I mean.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 1:43 am

Cheiny wrote:

Again. “Rein it in?” Have you not learned how hard it is to change one middah?

Yes hard, but that doesn't give one the right to throw in the towel and allow themselves to be jealous without abandon., without boundaries, without an acknowledgement that its jealousy.
Some jealousy is good. It can motivate. But it shouldn't create distance one from.the other.
לא עליך המלאכה לגמור ולא אתה בן חורין להיבטל ממנה.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 1:48 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

No they are not obligated to fargin. But sad that they can't. Or at least make an attempt. Mi lo lishma, ba lishma.
Can we all agree that to fargin is good and to be jealous is not helpful?

Song4eva

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 3:23 am

Ahem those Honda odysseys or Toyota siennas that “ everyone” are driving are $850 a month…big deal so you spent $150 more and got a wagoneer let’s say.
So pathetic that they’re commenting.
They probably also have the $150 but maybe they’re choosing to spend it on something else that you don’t have.
Like $150 kids shoes, once a month to a steakhouse, more cleaning help etc
I totally get you op, these neighbors commenting are immature losers. Unless they’re driving bashed up cars but even so…maybe they’re CHOOSING to live simply and are adding the money to savings.

Last edited by Song4eva on Thu, Feb 22 2024, 3:25 am; edited 1 time in total