 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Parenting our children
imaima
|
 Wed, Feb 21 2024, 2:03 am
| amother OP wrote: | | She has a normal bedtime consisting of a book, shema, kiss, tucked in and a cd to listen to. She has a weighted blanket which doesn't even help. She gets right back out of bed and runs around wild until I send her back to bed. She does it as a game. Idk what else to do. She doesn't understand the concept of a reward chart. |
Then sit with her in her room till she is asleep. Yes it’s a chore noone wants to do.
Or put her back to the crib when she can’t come out.
That’s the case where CIO would have been a better solution
| |
|
| Back to top |
 0
 5
|
|
amother
Pumpkin
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 4:32 am
|
OP Yesterday you needed help. If you would have twisted your DD arm too far or caused a bruise, and the Morah see's it, She can call CPS. Get to some classes. ASAP. Get your DH on board. Let him take over for a while. (This is the small stuff, you need help- Get your DD a nice light, and let her look at books, listen to music in her bed. Promise her a cookie in the morning, make her a chart. Cut up apple slices, read her a book and give her kisses, and make up stories about kids that didn't sleep and fell asleep in nursery.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
|
amother
NeonGreen
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:09 am
Yuck.
Some of these holy-and-oh-so-righteous comments make me feel sick.
OP's original comment didn't make me feel sick like some of these comments do.
OP came on here and shared how she lost it. And hurt her child.
My heart hurts for OP and her child.
But I'm not judging you, OP.
We all have those moments when it gets too much with our kids.
Some of us know how to handle it better than others.
I don't use Imamother as a way of measuring my parenting skills because, y'all, some of you are nuts.
It wasn't ok; it wasn't a healthy reaction. OP should probably be looking for long-term guidance, but she is not an evil, depraved woman who has mucked up her child's life.
Get over yourselves.
OP, I struggle with anger. I shout more than I'd like. I have occasionally gotten slighly physical with my children and hated myself for it- usually at the very moment of doing it.
It's not healthy; it's not something I'm proud of, but it is what I am dealing with.
The three year old making you lose it? That child will get older, and the frustration will grow.
I am searching for help for my anger and the underlying issues that lead to these behaviors because I realize that my emotional dysregulation is what my children see and learn.
OP, I'm sharing this non-judgementally because I know what it's like to lose it with one's kids.
And, with so much love, I encourage you also to reach out for help.
You're ok. You're a human being. You're a momma. You love your child. You lost it. You can make amends.
If anger and frustration are something that makes you become physical with your kids, then do seek help for yourself- you deserve it, and your child does, too.
| |
|
| Back to top |
3
33
|
|
amother
Forestgreen
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:31 am
| amother NeonGreen wrote: | Yuck.
Some of these holy-and-oh-so-righteous comments make me feel sick.
OP's original comment didn't make me feel sick like some of these comments do.
OP came on here and shared how she lost it. And hurt her child.
My heart hurts for OP and her child.
But I'm not judging you, OP.
We all have those moments when it gets too much with our kids.
Some of us know how to handle it better than others.
I don't use Imamother as a way of measuring my parenting skills because, y'all, some of you are nuts.
It wasn't ok; it wasn't a healthy reaction. OP should probably be looking for long-term guidance, but she is not an evil, depraved woman who has mucked up her child's life.
Get over yourselves.
OP, I struggle with anger. I shout more than I'd like. I have occasionally gotten slighly physical with my children and hated myself for it- usually at the very moment of doing it.
It's not healthy; it's not something I'm proud of, but it is what I am dealing with.
The three year old making you lose it? That child will get older, and the frustration will grow.
I am searching for help for my anger and the underlying issues that lead to these behaviors because I realize that my emotional dysregulation is what my children see and learn.
OP, I'm sharing this non-judgementally because I know what it's like to lose it with one's kids.
And, with so much love, I encourage you also to reach out for help.
You're ok. You're a human being. You're a momma. You love your child. You lost it. You can make amends.
If anger and frustration are something that makes you become physical with your kids, then do seek help for yourself- you deserve it, and your child does, too. |
Same. Finally the voice of reason.
I've done the same as op couple of times.
When we were both calm again I apologised and explained that I was too angry to think straight. Told him I was wrong, yes he did something naughty but he didn't deserve to be hit.
No harm done. I'm human.
| |
|
| Back to top |
6
12
|
|
amother
Cyclamen
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:34 am
|
When my kids need to be moved from crib to bed we put a baby gate at the door and the whole room becomes their crib. They have toys and books and can do whatever they want in their room until they fall asleep. The first few days it's usually on the floor, after that they learn to get in bed when they are Falling asleep.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
9
|
|
amother
Cognac
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:43 am
| amother Forestgreen wrote: | Same. Finally the voice of reason.
I've done the same as op couple of times.
When we were both calm again I apologised and explained that I was too angry to think straight. Told him I was wrong, yes he did something naughty but he didn't deserve to be hit.
No harm done. I'm human. |
There is harm done. I hope you are taking concrete steps to work on your anger.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
8
|
|
amother
Eggplant
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:45 am
| amother Forestgreen wrote: | Same. Finally the voice of reason.
I've done the same as op couple of times.
When we were both calm again I apologised and explained that I was too angry to think straight. Told him I was wrong, yes he did something naughty but he didn't deserve to be hit.
No harm done. I'm human. |
What have you done the same as OP a couple of times? Twisted your child's arm??
That's not ok. Please don't say no harm done. You can't know that. You can't have a cycle of hurting your child out of anger & then apologizing. The apology doesn't mean anything if you do it again & your child will slowly lose trust in you.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
7
|
|
amother
Yarrow
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:45 am
|
I’m not the best mother but OP this is absolutely abusive. You need help today and please repair with your daughter. Poor traumatized little girl. My heart breaks.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
7
|
|
amother
Eggplant
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:46 am
| amother Cognac wrote: | | There is harm done. I hope you are taking concrete steps to work on your anger. |
This. The attitude of "no harm done", is quite concerning.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
9
|
|
amother
Cognac
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:48 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Can someone pls link or suggest a good winding down toy she can play in bed? |
Three is really little she is probably scared to be alone. A toy might not help.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
5
|
|
amother
Yarrow
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 8:52 am
| amother Forestgreen wrote: | Same. Finally the voice of reason.
I've done the same as op couple of times.
When we were both calm again I apologised and explained that I was too angry to think straight. Told him I was wrong, yes he did something naughty but he didn't deserve to be hit.
No harm done. I'm human. |
There was a lot of harm done. Not even remotely ok. Please reach out to help today.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
10
|
bestme
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 9:06 am
|
An idea could be to make her bedtime later for 2 weeks. These 2 weeks you give her every night melatonin. After 2 weeks you stop the melatonin and hopefully she will go right to sleep since she went right to sleep for 2 weeks.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
flowerpower
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 9:11 am
| amother OP wrote: | | She has a normal bedtime consisting of a book, shema, kiss, tucked in and a cd to listen to. She has a weighted blanket which doesn't even help. She gets right back out of bed and runs around wild until I send her back to bed. She does it as a game. Idk what else to do. She doesn't understand the concept of a reward chart. |
I sit in my kids room until he falls asleep. Sometimes it take 2 hours and sometimes only 45 minutes if I’m lucky. If I go out he comes out…. Maybe try sitting on a bean bag or comfy chair in the room. Read or relax meanwhile.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
behappy2
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 9:31 am
The problem with "it worked" is that it really didn't work. It worked to get her to bed and scare her. It didn't work to build trust in you. It didn't work to help her with why she keeps running out of bed. It didn't work to help her learn to regulate herself. It didn't work to help her feel safe and secure in her home.
There are many things that do work to help kids get to bed but raising kids is not a linear journey and sometimes it may not be working to get her to bed or the process may be difficult and you need to have the emotional regulation to be able to handle that frustration.
I highly recommend you take a good parenting course AND go to a therapist who can help you with emotional regulation.
Parenting is hard but the more regulated you are and the more skills you have the better you will all feel.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
7
|
|
amother
Brunette
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 9:38 am
|
I know parents lose it sometimes but it just chilled me a bit. "Gently twisted her arm" and threatened to do it again. I don't know. I feel like there is a difference between doing something you regret in a moment of lost control. This feels more deliberate. Also, to me 3 is a baby. I still sit with my 7 year old some nights.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
13
|
|
amother
Forestgreen
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:24 am
| amother Cognac wrote: | | There is harm done. I hope you are taking concrete steps to work on your anger. |
Obviously.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
Forestgreen
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:30 am
| amother Eggplant wrote: | What have you done the same as OP a couple of times? Twisted your child's arm??
That's not ok. Please don't say no harm done. You can't know that. You can't have a cycle of hurting your child out of anger & then apologizing. The apology doesn't mean anything if you do it again & your child will slowly lose trust in you. |
Sorry? Cycle of hurting and apologising?
I said a 'couple of times'. Two occasions with two different children.
I've been a mother 28 years and have a double digit family, and it's happened on two isolated occasions.
And I took steps to ensure it never happened again.
| |
|
| Back to top |
3
6
|
realsilver
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:33 am
| amother OP wrote: | | She has a normal bedtime consisting of a book, shema, kiss, tucked in and a cd to listen to. She has a weighted blanket which doesn't even help. She gets right back out of bed and runs around wild until I send her back to bed. She does it as a game. Idk what else to do. She doesn't understand the concept of a reward chart. |
sounds like shes not tired at all
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
3
|
|
amother
Forestgreen
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:39 am
| amother Yarrow wrote: | | There was a lot of harm done. Not even remotely ok. Please reach out to help today. |
I'm so glad you told me to reach out for help. I wouldn't have thought of it myself.
I'll pm you my son's contact details, feel free to contact him and check that he's getting help from his traumatic childhood.
He's a well adjusted husband and father of two kids. At least I thought he was but seems you know better.
Sarcasm aside, this happened 15 years ago and of course I reached out for help. Not sure why you would think otherwise.
| |
|
| Back to top |
3
4
|
|
amother
Dodgerblue
|
Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:45 am
| flowerpower wrote: | | I sit in my kids room until he falls asleep. Sometimes it take 2 hours and sometimes only 45 minutes if I’m lucky. If I go out he comes out…. Maybe try sitting on a bean bag or comfy chair in the room. Read or relax meanwhile. |
Or take a nap!!!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
