The pressure to send to school young

amother

Bellflower

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 5:32 pm

I am torn .I keep my 2 year old home. I want to be there for him emotionally all day. But it’s really hard. He doesn’t leave me alone. I live in the city and go out with him every day. We visit the grandparents. He gets to experience the world. But my life is on hold. Most people are not willing to do that sacrifice.

amother

Eggplant

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 6:03 pm

I am the odd one out playgroup has become the thing from when the kid is 18 months old and it’s expensive I am currently home with 2 kids 2 1/2 and 8 months. What has become to society is my question (this is not to working moms) I’m talking about SAHM. playgroups are misrun and really not the best

amother

Hosta

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 6:25 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

Such a good way to put it about my life being on hold.

amother

Amaranthus

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 6:47 pm

It's great OP that your DC is home with you. I think people are also nervous about getting their 3 year old's into school. (not a joke). If they aren't out yet in a school situation , How does the boy learn Alef Bais in Nursery?

lamplighter

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 6:52 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

This!
When I'm home with my baby/toddler, that's what I'm doing all day. When my friends tell me their baby/toddler was home that day so they couldn't get anything done, I think, duh. Children are a full time job and it's not very glamorous. When they are babies, their physical needs take up most of the time and when they are toddlers, they need more stimulation and outings.
It definitely is a sacrifice in many ways.

amother

Daphne

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 7:29 pm

lamplighter wrote:

It def is a sacrifice!
Birthing and Raising children is one big sacrifice.
Some mothers have no choice and must go out to work.
Otherwise it should be a mother's priority to be with her very young child as much as possible.

I did send 2 kids out to playgroup. One was extremely intense and unhappy at home (later diagnosed with hyperactive and inattentive ADHD)
Another kid I sent out due to some medical issues I had at the time and couldn't care for him.

Otherwise I kept my kids home with me as long as they were happy. (Usually 3 years old) and then they straight away start preschool.
I do sometimes miss events and things becuase I have children and it is complicated finding babysitters at times. But that's part of it. I signed up for it when I got married and didn't use protection.

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:10 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

I guess you dont work
so no problem why should you send?!
\

personally my kids absolutely love going out once they turn 2, they get bored at home and love playgroup so much they beg to go on shabbos and sun

Well obviously I don't work or this would be a non issue...I'd have to send no choice.

I'm not referring to those that work and have to send young kids to babysitting or playgroup...
I'm more referring to our society nowadays that seems to view sending 2 year Olds to school as the norm. And if you keep your 2 year old home it's considered odd. When did it happen that society became this way.

It used to be that nursery was the first year of school..you sent a 3 or even 4 year old to school for the first time.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

My baby was only 14 months and people started asking me when I'll send her to school. I smiled and said not yet she's a baby....
At 18 months - she's still not in playgroup?
At age 21 months...wait you didn't register her yet for school ?
Multiple multiple people...so when are you sending her to school?
She belongs in school.
2 is the right age to start school.
Your waiting until she's 3? Are you crazy?

Why this pressure to send so young to school?
Why am I looked at as weird for wanting her home ?
Am I weird ? Am I overly attached ? I think 2 is so young and I have no reason to ship her out yet. But the pressure is huge.

I agree. People around me that don't work, are sending their 1 year old's to full time day care & are making it seem as if something is wrong with me for not sending my babies out.

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:15 pm

amother Amber wrote:

School starts at 3. There is no need to send out your child if you are not working. For social interaction, you can go to the park, the library or the child can wait til the siblings come home.

We do! Baby is happy at home with me excited when siblings come home but otherwise by day she isn't bored. She plays she follows me around and helps she comes with me to stores she loves it.

The pressure I'm feeling is very real. It isn't the first time I've been asked when I'm sending her to school. It got to the point where I started feeling embarrassed to say that no I don't plan to send her just yet.
What is the correct thing to say when people ask me why she isn't in school yet?

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:15 pm

amother Orange wrote:

Lots of people don't like spending time with their children.
I work in a frum environment and my coworkers are always complaining about shabbos, sunday, every day till their kids go to sleep....how it's so annoying and boring

I can't relate. I only send my children out because I have to. I spend as much quality time as I can when we are home together.

Maybe I should start a spin off, but how can I learn to better appreciate our time together? I do enjoy to some extent, but it's also draining and frustrating at times. It's so funny how when they are asleep, I love them and appreciate them so much. But when they're awake I don't enjoy them as much as I wish I could. Can you share any tips?

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:19 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Aleph bais is not an issue....

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:26 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

I’m hoping the question you asked was sarcastic.

amother

Ghostwhite

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:30 pm

I didn't send one of my kids to school until 3. He needed me. But two of my children were bored and everyone else sends to playgroup. They wanted to socialize and learn. But I do think before 18 months is too young. And then it needs to be a playgroup that recognizes that until 2.5 most children need to be hugged and to sit on laps. You will have a hard time getting into kindergarten without nursery. When we were kids it was not like this. I knew people who kept their kids home until 5. For the record, in the 1960s school started at 1st. That's when my mother started.

amother

Valerian

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 10:09 pm

OP u arent getting the right responses because unfortunately most people cant afford to stay home with their children and the ones that can are not interested. There is also a level of judgement and jealousy from those that deep down know the mothers place and their inability to do the correct thing due to finances or emotional connection etc.

Society is now set up that we have kids for the system to raise them. If you have your natural mothering instincts in place and can afford it then by all means keep the child home until atleast age 4. You are correct. Little kids belong at home with their mothers.

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 10:37 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

Thank you for this.

amother

Sand

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 10:59 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

I don't agree with this.

Some of us do honestly believe that it is good for toddlers to spread their wings a little. No one is arguing that a 6 month old baby isn't better off at home with mom, though unfortunately most don't have a choice. But, a 2 year old does often need a little more stimulation.

Some kids do need the social interaction more than others and going out a few hours a day IS better than staying at home all day. Others need it for their development.

There's no fixed rule that toddlers do better being at home with mom 24 hours a day.

amother

Sand

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:06 pm

I just read the entire thread fully.

I do agree with you OP that it has become more a thing than it used to be. I think because most mothers work nowadays, that's why it has become more unusual. But if your child is happy and you're enjoying it, then of course continue doing it. People are only asking because that's what they're used to.

With my first two kids, I didn't feel a rush to send out. I was working from home and could do evening hours. My third NEEDED it. He was literally ransacking the house from boredom. So it definitely depends on the temperament of the kid.

Princess23

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’d ask if they’re planning on footing the bill. My child might not start until kindergarten, until then homeschool. I don’t see myself sending a child to school in the near foreseeable future for at least close to 5 years.