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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Purim
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amother
Seablue
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 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:05 am
| Librarian wrote: | I am so sorry, and I wish I could think of a more polite way to say it, but this sounds lazy to me.
We have to try our best. The results may not always work out the way we prefer but the effort must be made. |
That's exactly what most parents are doing. No one is handing their kids the wine bottle and sending them off.
There's a lot of education that goes into this. And lots of knowledge that you can try your best, but your children will ultimately decide what they end up doing.
My brothers' yeshivos would take them to a hospital before purim where they were given a tour of the ER and were told about stomachs being pumped and drunk driving. That's real hishtadlus. Yet guess how many bachurim get drunk every purim?
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amother
Slateblue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:06 am
| Librarian wrote: | | They make many such rules. For example, no smartphone. |
They obviously feel it's more important to fight over smartphones than over vaping and alcohol. And I agree with them.
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amother
Seablue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:06 am
| Librarian wrote: | | What do you mean by homes like mine? Where the parents take such a strong stand as we did? |
Yes, homes with the same overall chinuch about drinking. There are plenty!
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amother
Seablue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:07 am
| Librarian wrote: | | For sure. But we have GOT to try. Good for you! |
Who doesn't??? Where do you live that parents aren't trying??
You were blessed with children who think getting drunk is gross! Many people who are EXACTLY like you have sons who looooove wine and really enjoy getting drunk on Purim
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:08 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | | I wasn't referring to discussing your kids yeshivos. Just regular purim stuff. Like you never had a convo with someone similar to you about their concerns of drinking on Purim? this is just something that comes up for many people even at the shabbos table. |
Actually, sometimes we had guests at the shabbos table and the topic would come up. I had to ask my husband not to talk about how we felt because it sounded somewhat "holier than thou" and I really don't like to give off that vibe. The one friend I can think of who talked about her sons' drinking on Purim made sure to tell me how they learn to drink under their Rebbi's supervision and it's done very l'shma blah blah blah. I don't buy it but I pretended to. She is in a position to know my boys don't drink.
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:08 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | | Who doesn't??? Where do you live that parents aren't trying?? |
Read this thread.
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:09 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | | Yes, homes with the same overall chinuch about drinking. There are plenty! |
Then one more reason to say thank you H-shem
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amother
Seablue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:09 am
I'm on it. Has anyone said that they do not tell their kids about being safe with alcohol? That they do not care? That they haven't tried?
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:10 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | Who doesn't??? Where do you live that parents aren't trying??
You were blessed with children who think getting drunk is gross! Many people who are EXACTLY like you have sons who looooove wine and really enjoy getting drunk on Purim |
Well that's just fine by me as long as they are not CHILDREN
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:11 am
| amother Slateblue wrote: | | They obviously feel it's more important to fight over smartphones than over vaping and alcohol. And I agree with them. |
I think they are both very important.
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:12 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | That's exactly what most parents are doing. No one is handing their kids the wine bottle and sending them off.
There's a lot of education that goes into this. And lots of knowledge that you can try your best, but your children will ultimately decide what they end up doing.
My brothers' yeshivos would take them to a hospital before purim where they were given a tour of the ER and were told about stomachs being pumped and drunk driving. That's real hishtadlus. Yet guess how many bachurim get drunk every purim? |
That's all we can ask for
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WhatFor
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:12 am
| amother Salmon wrote: | Sorry but I am not anyone's nurse. Sure I will offer water but I don't stock electrolyte drinks for drunk people. I am not their mother or nurse.
Alcohol is dangerous.
If a child comes to my house I will not let them near any alcohol. And child here means under 21.
And if one comes to my house drunk? I will call their parents ASAP and if I can't reach them or dont know how to reach them- I might just call the cops. They need to be safe and that is not something I want to take responsibility for. Do I know the signs of alcohol poisoning? What if one passes out? Do I know how to check to make sure they are safe? That they are still breathing? That they haven't choked on their own vomit? Nope.
Sorry but I have a zero tolerance policy for alcohol abuse especially in minors.
It is illegal to give alcohol to minors. ILLEGAL. |
Is there a reason that you directed this post at me? I'm the last person you need to be telling that minors shouldn't be given alcohol. We know a child who unfortunately died on purim. And that's why it's disturbing to see things like "not my responsibility" when someone is describing a child with potential alcohol poisoning at your doorstep.
I think OP did the right thing - called the school to come get the boys. And this is what I'm saying. Call a responsible adult and try to give the boys water or fluids in the meantime. And if they're too far gone, call hatzalah. Call the police if you must, but personally I think hatzalah should be any decent person's first call if they service your area and you think their health is at risk.
Zero tolerance shouldn't mean that we send kids out onto the street in who-knows-what state or refuse to give them a basic necessity like water. The drunk child has already been failed by every adult who gave these boys alcohol. No need to add more adults to the list.
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amother
Seablue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:12 am
| Librarian wrote: | | Actually, sometimes we had guests at the shabbos table and the topic would come up. I had to ask my husband not to talk about how we felt because it sounded somewhat "holier than thou" and I really don't like to give off that vibe. The one friend I can think of who talked about her sons' drinking on Purim made sure to tell me how they learn to drink under their Rebbi's supervision and it's done very l'shma blah blah blah. I don't buy it but I pretended to. She is in a position to know my boys don't drink. |
Okay, well in my world, my parent's entire community is more or less like you. I used to hear my parents talk about this stuff with them. Some parents had the challenge of drunk sons and others not. It just goes to show you that there is so much personality that goes into this.
I'm not really sure what we are talking about at this point. All I can say, is that you are oversimplifying this. You were lucky enough to have sons who don't like getting drunk. The vast majority of teenage boys do like getting drunk. Parents try their best, but they can't make the choices for their kids.
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amother
Seablue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:14 am
| Librarian wrote: | | Well that's just fine by me as long as they are not CHILDREN |
Again, who is able to control this? I'm totally with you that children should not be drinking. Realistically, how are you controlling this?
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amother
Slateblue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:15 am
| Librarian wrote: | | I think they are both very important. |
They are not EQUALLY important.
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:20 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | | Again, who is able to control this? I'm totally with you that children should not be drinking. Realistically, how are you controlling this? |
If it is true that this cannot be controlled, then I am truly out to lunch and have no right at all to be on this thread. So I will bow out now and say good night. It is unfathomable to me that MOST children cannot be realistically monitored and controlled to not get drunk. I am not being sarcastic. I am very sorry if this is the reality. I am old but not old enough to insist I know it all. May HKBH watch over all our children and keep them safe. He's really the only one in charge.
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amother
Seablue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:23 am
| Librarian wrote: | | If it is true that this cannot be controlled, then I am truly out to lunch and have no right at all to be on this thread. So I will bow out now and say good night. It is unfathomable to me that MOST children cannot be realistically monitored and controlled to not get drunk. I am not being sarcastic. I am very sorry if this is the reality. I am old but not old enough to insist I know it all. May HKBH watch over all our children and keep them safe. He's really the only one in charge. |
I'm rather surprised you think it's so easy to control individuals under 19 years of age. It goes to show what different plants we live on. Well, my parent used to live on your planet, until they had sons who developed into young adults with personalities and desires of their own.
Amen!
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:24 am
I have a relative whose son is an alcoholic. He went to the best yeshivos. Ask his parents and EX wife if they are equally important. They might not think so. Guess which they will think is more important? We can use our imaginations to see all perspectives.
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amother
Slateblue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:26 am
| Librarian wrote: | | I have a relative whose son is an alcoholic. He went to the best yeshivos. Ask his parents and EX wife if they are equally important. They might not think so. Guess which they will think is more important? We can use our imaginations to see all perspectives. |
And he went to Brisk?
Also, guess how many threads are started here by women who are devastated to find their husbands watching p0rn? Quite devastating and much more common.
Also, getting drunk once a year, or twice a year, does NOT an alcoholic make. Which is 99.9% of the boys.
I'm sure Brisk would not take a boy if they heard that he's an alcoholic.
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Librarian
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:28 am
| amother Seablue wrote: | I'm rather surprised you think it's so easy to control individuals under 19 years of age. It goes to show what different plants we live on. Well, my parent used to live on your planet, until they had sons who developed into young adults with personalities and desires of their own.
Amen! |
I must let my kids know they are robots with no personality and desires of their own who are being controlled and manipulated by their puppet master mom. How did I get so lucky as to have children who are mere automations of their parents? At least I know why they don't drink! They were born zombies!
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