How many beds and layout for man and wife guest

GAMZu

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:02 am

After our 1st child was born, we went as guest to a camp for shabbos. They obviously gave us separate beds, but I was in middle of 7 nikiyim and brought along a white sheet.
I figured I'd keep it covered with a blanket during the day.
Well, the hostess came by while I was putting on the sheet LOL

(door was open and we were just settling our stuff.) Ah, well. I didn't care much cuz after childbirth your perspective kinda changes. Hahaha.

amother

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:04 am

humous with falafel wrote:

Putting a couple into a bunk bed is still very much a problem if she is niddah!

It's a machlokes - DH looked it up when we got home. (Ask your lor, if applicable. Although how do you ask if you get there shortly before Shabbos?!)

amother

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:04 am

humous with falafel wrote:

Putting a couple into a bunk bed is still very much a problem if she is niddah!

It's a machlokes - DH looked it up when we got home. (Ask your lor, if applicable. Although how do you ask if you get there shortly before Shabbos?!)

Marion

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:10 am

shalhevet wrote:

Actually if you think someone doesn't keep TH it is even more of a problem to give them one bed, because you are certainly being machshil them because she is certainly nidda.

Some people go to mikvah but don't keep the harchakot. (I'm not condoning it, just saying it happens.) You're not automatically being machshil someone if you don't know what they keep.

Seraph

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 7:34 am

I once went to someone, while in nidda, and they gave us two beds, but with one big blanket for both of us to share... I dont remember what we ended up doing, but it bothered me a lot.

we have a bed and a mattress that pulls out. we used to have a spare bed for that mattress, but we moved it away to make room for a crib.

amother

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 7:40 am

We were once guests where they gave us only one bed. I wasn't nidda, but boy was I annoyed. What business of theirs is it if I'm clean or not, why assume and put the couple in an uncomfortable situation. I say two beds and let them close the door and do whatever they want behind it.

amother

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:35 pm

Seraph wrote:

humous with falafel wrote:

Putting a couple into a bunk bed is still very much a problem if she is niddah!

can you explain, because I am feeling very dense.

The halacha is that the beds must be far enough apart that the bedding is not touching. DH & I looked at it and said, "Well, the bedding's not touching, but the BEDS are!" (B/c they're attached one on top of the other!) When we got home, he looked it up and told me it's a machlokes.

cookielady

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:48 pm

Years ago, dh and I were going somewhere for Shabbos. We were going to ppl we didnt know, to look into a job in that area. The host on the phone asked my dh "One bed or two?" We were very shocked, (this was a community rabbi we were staying with.)

flowerpower

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:48 pm

shalhevet wrote:

I don't have the room, but if I did, I would always give two separate beds to a married couple, whether frum or not (and that's been my experience as a guest in frum homes). Anything else seems weird to me. Once the door is closed they can do what they want.

And no, I wouldn't ask a close friend either. Some things are not for discussion even with friends.

Same here, I had guest once that in front of my eyes moved the beds together. I don't care what do as long as I present it the right way. My friend goes to someones house and they give one big bed (a family member) and when she is unclean the poor dh has to sleep on the floor.

Ruchel

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 1:58 pm

shalhevet wrote:

You know that if they're not frum they will not understand and think you're nuts? lol
I would ask what they want (provided that I have both options), unless it's obvious (not kosher & shabbes observant).

Ruchel

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 2:01 pm

Also giving them two beds and expecting them to sleep in one one-person bed if she's tahor is really uncomfortable and a horrid night... if they can push the beds together, good. If they're separated, really I would say it's not our business to do that on purpose.

shalhevet

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 2:03 pm

Ruchel wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

You know that if they're not frum they will not understand and think you're nuts? lol

You think they'd only think I was nuts about that? Wink

Quote:

I would ask what they want (provided that I have both options), unless it's obvious (not kosher & shabbes observant).

If they keep harchakos it is IMHO very inappropriate to ask - MYOB! What do you mean 'unless it's obvious' - if it's obvious they don't keep TH it is probably lifnei iver to give them one bed b/c she is certainly nidda. Maybe we should give them separate bedrooms too? (j/k)

(Marion asked b4, what about those who go to the mikva but don't keep harchakos - my reply was about those who someone assumes doesn't go to the mikva. Again, not that it'd make any practical difference.)

Ruchel

Sun, Nov 02 2008, 2:07 pm

shalhevet wrote:

You think they'd only think I was nuts about that? Wink

lol ! but this one is about them! what you do in your life doesn't affect them.

Quote:

If they keep harchakos it is IMHO very inappropriate to ask

I would make it a comfort stuff. Do you prefer the big bed or the two small ones? that's it. Now, I've never had guests personally that were in couple, and I doubt we'll have a guest room when we move, and we won't have extra beds LOL
But, in theory, I suppose I would ask like this...

Quote:

What do you mean 'unless it's obvious'

I meant, although I heard on Imamother of non shabbes & kasher observant women going to the mikve, they're not really seen around here, and even if they were, they would be the type who don't keep anything else but dipping.

Ima'la

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 1:10 am

Ruchel wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

You know that if they're not frum they will not understand and think you're nuts? lol

Wouldn't they just think that you also use the guest room for guests who are not couples? I mean, no one expects their host to be a hotel with all different guest bedroom set-ups!

amother

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 1:23 am

amother wrote:

We once had newlyweds over who weren't very frum (like the guy told DH that they were intimate before marriage), so I gave them the room with a full-size bed. Now I think that was the wrong thing to do, but at the time I didn't want to seem too frummy imposing 2 beds on them.

what's done is done, but just bc ppl were intimate before marriage doesn't mean they don't keep TH after marriage. I'm a good example of this, as are many of my friends. never assume anything!

supermama2

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 11:43 am

I try to accomodate 2 beds or 1 bed plus an air bed so pple can do what they want. What makes me most frustrated is when someone decides to stay at your house over mikveh night Exploding anger

and you find out what the situation is after the plans can't be changed on your end.. Rolling Eyes

sunshine!

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 11:51 am

I have two guest roms, one with 2 full beds and one with a hiriser. We do alot of entertaining and couples love coming over. We once went away for Shabbos where we were given one twin bed... Dh slept on the floor-not too comfy...