How does she DO it??????

mimivan

Mon, Nov 24 2008, 3:46 pm

Does she work?
The fact I work full-time is my pet excuse. But I was sloppy when I wasn't working.

as Tamiri said...she is immaculate because it is important to her.
I had this thing before the new baby about not letting a single dirty dish stay in the sink. My house was fairly cluttered by very clean before the baby came..

well....then...

Now I'm at a point where, with the baby in a wrap and two bigger ones, I really could get back on the shtick of cleaning up every dish before it hits the sink. But then I wouldn't be able to shmooze with my kids as much. And since I've eased up on the kitchen, and have made the time I am not working and they are home "just family time" the ganenott for both boys tell me they are so much more relaxed, cooperative and cheerful. b'h I think it is because of all the lazy, cuddly, fun time I'm spending with them these days instead of trying to pass the white glove test.

As I said, you do what is important to you. I"m not saying that every clean freak has a distant relationship with her kids, but it must be at the chesbon of something. And we cannot always see from which emotional or physical "bank account" the withdrawals are being made.

For instance, there was a once-frequent poster here who, from the sound of it, was a great, caring mother and has a fantastic-looking home...but hey, she isn't working. So as I said...no one can be moving perfectly on all cylinders..unless they go without sleep. And in that case, it ain't sustainable. Wink

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Nov 24 2008, 3:53 pm

My house is pretty clean and I work full time, but I barely ever cook heimishe meals....and I buy challah or we have matzah for shabbos.

Also, I don't do crafts or home improvement projects, etc.

Some are "impressed" by how I keep my home, but really, yes, it's something I prioritize and have an affinity for, and there are many things I wish I was as good at as they are, bli ayin hara.

I'm also a homebody so when I'm not working, unless it's a necessary errand, or shul, or a seuda....we are home. we don't go hiking or ...whatever it is extroverts do.... Smile

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2008, 6:06 pm

OP here. Enjoyed people's responses, esp. the suggestion that it's only the part of the house you can see from the street that's so clean! Very Happy

I was actually thinking about this a lot today, and I realized that it gives my neighbor pleasure to have a clean, welcoming home, and that whatever gives us pleasure is what we pursue. And that if I would feel pleasure at cleaning, I would be much better at it. I mean, my house is okay, but it's definitely an ongoing battle to stay on top of the chaos when you have little kids, and I have the same attitude my mother had, which is that cleaning is a necessary evil that you just get out of the way and sigh about while you do it. My neighbor, on the other hand, always has a smile on her face, and she doesn't feel that it's a burden. So I'm off to test my theory by attacking the dishes and laundry while trying to enjoy it. I don't know if you can really change the things that give you pleasure, but I'm interested in seeing whether I can.

I had another thought, too, about why my neighbor's house is so immaculate: she comes from a very choshuve family that is known throughout the Torah world, and is the granddaughter of a gadol. So I wonder if that feeling of "I represent my family" motivates her as well. Thinking about other ladies I've known who have impressive yichus, I can't think of any who were not balebustas. So I wonder, in terms of motivating myself, if I could keep in mind that I'm not just an ordinary person but rather am a choshuve Bas Melech, whether that would help too.

EvenI

Tue, Nov 25 2008, 12:08 am

Where I can get one of those dividers pictured in ShakleeMom's 3rd drawer? I'm in Israel, so if anyone in Israel knows, please speak up.

This is interesting. I am always wondering the same thing about people who have immaculate houses. I was married for years without any kids, and my house was never immaculate.

I think personality plays a big part. My parents' house was always immaculate, except that there is always a place with piled up mail and newspapers, not that it looked very messy. My mother has done all the cleaning herself for years, and even if she has health problems, the house, which was until recently, quite a big house to keep clean oneself, is always spotless.

I have a much more creative and deliberating personality than she has. She is much more quick and decisive by nature, and she is happy keeping her mind closed to lots of possibilities. I think that's why she can have a permanent habit of clearing up everything immediately, whereas I have to make a very conscious effort to motivate myself to clear mess up immediately and remind myself of the benefits. I can only keep that effort up temporarily and then I revert to more sloppy habits. Often, I leave things out because I'm not sure I've finished with them yet, and I don't always clean things because I might feel that there is something more worthwhile to do.

Moreover, I always found this trait of hers positively stifling as I was growing up, and even now, when she comes to visit me in my house, I can hardly cope with her company because she wants everything cleared up before it's started and because the foremost thing in her mind seems to be cleanliness. For example, if the baby is playing with something that's not so clean, she can't stand to see him put it in his mouth. We are more relaxed about it and prefer to think about the benefits to the immune system.

EvenI

Tue, Nov 25 2008, 12:33 am

I agree that the reason to improve is not to compete better, but I think that it makes sense to inquire as to how other people manage things in order to see how we might change when we need to. I think that was the sort of thing that the OP had in mind. If you know that you wouldn't want to have a cleaner house at the expense of being a pleasant person, having time to schmooze and doing chessed, but then you see someone who seems to have a cleaner house and seems to do all those things, you stop and wonder if you could achieve the same thing.