Minimal things necessary when having guests

ray family

Sun, Sep 06 2009, 1:53 pm

last year we had two polar opposite experiences staying in pples houses.
we were in the states for an extended period of time and needed to be hosted.
by host 1 the apt was HOT, smelly, dirty linen, roaches a bathroom you couldn't use water that backed up in the shower etc.
host 2 gave us an extremely comfortable apt crib for the baby, clean sheets kitchen w/ all the basic necessities
toys for the kids e/t we needed for shabbos including leichters, a challah board beautiful tablecloth becher etc

I know that when I have guest I always put a fan in their room lately I've also been putting in a timer this way it doesn't have to stay running all of shabbos (as money is tight here) and they're anyway not in the room all day
I give fresh clean linen and towels
then I try to put together a basket of things they may have forgotten- mouthwash, toothbrush, brush, q-tips, safety pins bar of soap tissues and whatever other little things I can think of
there's always a bottle of water and cups
also I ask them if there's anything else they feel like they might need
if I have it great if not then I say so.....

amother

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 12:39 am

[quote="amother"]Just something that would be nice, but not a necessity.
If you have an uncovered sfarim shelf in your guest room, keep in mind that it is assur to be intimate and untzniusdsz in front of these sfarim, so perhaps cover the sfarim shelf with something (like a sheet) so that way couples can be intimate, or even get undressed in the room.

Perhaps think twice before moving your sfarim shelves from your living room to your guest room because of reasons like this. A guest room isnt the best place for a sfarim shelf.[/quote]

I am so glad this has been brought up. This has happened more than once to my husband and me and is a bit of a pet peeve of ours. It seems that their are some ladies here who are horrified at the idea of married guests being intimate in their house, but I was taught that if the couple has a private room in which the door closes, AND they bring their own towels and sheets, then it is perfectly acceptable.

I once had a mikvah night on a Friday night, and was taught not to postpone it. We have no mikvah in walking distance to our house, so we had to make arrangements to be Shabbos guests. Fortunately, our accomadations allowed us to have a mikvah night. I would hate to think of other couples being denied this because they are not comfortable with the possibility, or if the accomodations are not appropriate.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:04 am

amother wrote:

Just something that would be nice, but not a necessity.
If you have an uncovered sfarim shelf in your guest room, keep in mind that it is assur to be intimate and untzniusdsz in front of these sfarim, so perhaps cover the sfarim shelf with something (like a sheet) so that way couples can be intimate, or even get undressed in the room.

Perhaps think twice before moving your sfarim shelves from your living room to your guest room because of reasons like this. A guest room isnt the best place for a sfarim shelf.

I am so glad this has been brought up. This has happened more than once to my husband and me and is a bit of a pet peeve of ours. It seems that their are some ladies here who are horrified at the idea of married guests being intimate in their house, but I was taught that if the couple has a private room in which the door closes, AND they bring their own towels and sheets, then it is perfectly acceptable.

I once had a mikvah night on a Friday night, and was taught not to postpone it. We have no mikvah in walking distance to our house, so we had to make arrangements to be Shabbos guests. Fortunately, our accomadations allowed us to have a mikvah night. I would hate to think of other couples being denied this because they are not comfortable with the possibility, or if the accomodations are not appropriate.

you are correct of course, but I just want to point out the other side, that sometimes one may not have any other place to put them. we have room for two book shelves in our living room. they are full, so whatever books /sefarim do not fit are in our guest room, there is no other place for them. it cant be helped sometimes.

amother

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:08 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

amother wrote:

Even if there is no other place to put the sfarim shelf, you can drape a sheet over the bookshelf so that way the issur is taken care of.
What annoyed me about this family is they've got PLENTY of room in their LR/DR. They just rearranged their furniture in their house and made their living room/dining room SO sparse because any "clutter", even bookshelves, ticks them off. They wanted empty walls and hence moved it into their guest room.
I understand why they did it, but it still was annoying. Last time we came there were no sfarim in the guest room, and this time there was but there was no possibility of covering them up because we werent even provided enough sheets/blankets for ourselves, let alone to cover a sfarim shelf.

chanchy123

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:43 am

octopus wrote:

I will also say this: while no one has to have 4 star accommodations, if you do not have real accommodations then don't host. If you have a freezing cold basement DON'T host ppl so that they can come down with bronchitis the week after.

Actually, we've been to relatives, sleeping in the basement, in Toronto in January without heat - and you know what, even though it was way bellow freezing - our hosts gave us tons of blankets, and it was fun and cozy. The only problem was that whenever we had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night we'd freeze, but only for a minute.
It was an exeperience and we didn't suffer one little bit.

freidasima

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:07 am

Thank you to all the posters who commissrated with our "bar mitzva hosting of horror"...it really was...even though there was a mitzva involved. Dh laughs about it today because he is a zaddik but I am not and still can't laugh.

About being intimate in someone elses house. Look, all of us come from different places. I don't know from two floor houses, I don't know from big spacious apartments. I know only from what I have, what my friends have, and what I grew up in. Small, tight, crowded conditions with a shared bathroom/toilet for everyone. Sure if you are at a two flight house with your own big room and not next to anyone else and access to a bathroom for before/after or whatever it's your own business what you do and where as long as you bring your own towel or whatever for bodily fluids etc. That's fine, friday nite or any nite as guests.

But that's never been something I have ever heard of except on Imamother or experienced. My friends are all living in apartments. Small crowded apartments with lots of kids. And one bathroom. In the hall next to the bedrooms as is usual in Israeli apartments. And no guest bedroom, when you are "hosting" you basically toss your own kids out of their rooms. That's not a room that one kid has (lucky kid!), that's very often a room with three girls who sleep there (like ours did) or two boys (like ours) who go to the living room to sleep. Now get this. The living room is just on the other side of the three meter by three meter bedroom which they vacated and it, itself is only three meters by four meters and that includes a dining room table in the middle of it. So you can't exactly cough without the whole house hearing. A creaky bed? Forget it. Unless of course you want everyone to know what you are doing as guests.

Then the question of sforim. Well we have sforim in every room in the house other than the kitchen (which actually has no walls, they all have either the fridge or cupboards) and our own bedroom. The living room, each of the kids rooms has their sforim there (what, I'm going to tell youngest ds that he should take his shas out so that if we put a married couple to sleep in his room they can have relations? Gevalt, I'm not sure he has learned that kind of stuff yet...) and of course the terrace/study where dh works is full of sforim. On his desk, on the walls, on every free surface. There isn't a wall that doesn't have them in our house, so what can you do.

If people want to come to stay with us for shabbos they are welcome, but they have to know that they will get the exact same conditions as I do and as my children have. Lots of good food, tons and tons in fact, no one comes out of Freidasima's home hungry. Lots of good ruach, lots of singing, zmiros, divrei torah, and the living room air conditioner on all shabbos. Anyone who wants to cihll out can sit at the table and learn or sit on the sofa and rest and be cool. If people want to go barefoot that's fine too (men) and chill on the cold tiles. Lots of cold water in the fridge and on shabbos we even buy a bottle or two of soda for simchas shabbos. Lots of juice ice pops to keep cold. But crowded. Very very crowded. One bathroom. I will not knock on the door when a guest is in there as I do with family and call out "five people waiting on line, just FYI"...but I will definitely tell them in advance before they go in to shower that there is X minutes until shabbos and Y number of people still have to shower so...

And here's one for you, to show you how important imamother is.

I told dh yesterday about this thread. Came of course from the "sweet memories" of that bar mitzva shabbos. And he asked me what people think that guests should have. I told him and he laughed at some of the things (bug spray) but not at others. But one thing made an impression. The business about someone who was given a towel that didn't absorb. So he said "Freidasima, go out and get new towels - one for each member of the family - hand towels, bath towels, face towels. I told him "Tataleh, that's a FORTUNE! We are us, five kids, two in law kids and a grandson! And he handed me a check and said "just go and do it, if guests deserve good towels, then we do as well and but two extra sets for guests as well to have".

Wow.
I don't have to tell you what 12 sets of towels cost.
I told him that's my Rosh Hashana Present and not to dream of getting me anything else.
What a guy!.

Inspired

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 5:17 am

A towel that doesn't absorb is probably new and unwashed or has had fabric softener put ion it, just FYI.

freidasima

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:44 pm

Are you going to tell me that I just spent half a month's salary for nothing?

amother

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:54 pm

this isn't exactly motivating to make aliyah

merelyme

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 2:55 pm

Bring towels with you, amother. That should be your biggest problem in life.
fs, use the towels lekavod yom tov so they're free...

solo

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 3:01 pm

Lady Godiva wrote:

About the toilet brush, I'd be totally grossed out if somebody used my toilet brush on the toilet to clean off remains of their feces. A toilet brush should be used with bleach. Not with just toilet water.
Wow.

dunno why I care so much if others agree. but boy is it nice to know that theres 1 other person out there who only uses a toilet brush when cleaning. it seems so incredibly unsanitary to use it to clean after urself. thanks lady godiva

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 3:50 pm

amother wrote:

this isn't exactly motivating to make aliyah

the towels that we have bought in israel are very absorbant, so please dont let that be a reason not to come, or as another poster said, bring towels from home.

Crayon210

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:11 pm

ROFL wrote:

Also if I am not a last minute guest please have enogh food for all. One piece of fish or chicken for each per son is really not adequate. What if someone wants seconds. I always ask my guests are you allergic to anything or do you have any special needs. I have one freind that hates mustard and can really taste it in foods and will not eat if he tastes it in food.

I think that one piece of fish and one piece of chicken, if there are enough side dishes, is fine.

I think a lot of this thread is like that: different strokes for different folks. I don't think I need to offer guests my entire linen closet, refrigerator, and locksmithing services in order to be a good hostess. Do I like having a garbage can when I'm a guest? Yes. Does it make a bad hostess? No. I think the basics are toilet paper, food at mealtimes, access to water, and sheets and towels, with one pillow per person. Also, a friendly "Is there anything I can get you? Please let me know if you need anything-linens, food..." And no, and appropriate answer is not, "Yes, can you please install a lock on my door?" I am not doing any construction on my home for guests. LOL

amother

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:16 pm

About toilet bowl brushes: I don't think anyone has thought of this (and I hope you never need to ) BUT I have Crohn's disease. I never know if I'm going to have diarrhea and while I can take Imodium for a Shabbat, I can't take it forever but it's very embarassing to have an upset stomach at someone's house and no way to clean it up.

pinktichel

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:25 pm

solo wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

Add me to the list. I've been keeping quiet about that the whole time.
I actually never had a toilet brush in my bathroom (I like to keep cleaning supplies in one place, out of ppl's view) but SIL kindly told me that I should put one in there for ppl to use. Rolling Eyes

Mirabelle

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:26 pm

I also think that people are forgetting about the drastic difference between european/Israeli low flow toilets that have teeny bit of water in the bowl, versus the American ones that have a ton of water (I know some of the newer toilets have less, but I still think that Israeli ones have very little in them).

Therefore, if you are having a messy bathroom experience in Israel flushing will NOT reach certain parts of the toilet. I have worked at jobs in Israel and Europe where it was standard to keep a toilet brush next to the toilet so that people can clean up after themselves. One place I worked had a large sign that said "don't forget to use the toilet brush."

Sherri

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:30 pm

amother wrote:

Why can't guests put a sheet up themselves?

greenfire

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:34 pm

freidasima - why 12 towel sets ... wouldn't 2 be enough !!!

DefyGravity

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 4:45 pm

DiznyIma wrote:

FTR, all new American toilets are water savers. . . this means that the water level is LOW and POOP will stick to the edges. . . sorry if this is TMI, but flushing a billion times won't get rid of those cling-ons and a toilet brush is the only way to go.

Mirabelle

Mon, Sep 07 2009, 5:21 pm

Yeah we just got a new toilet for the master bath and it has a very small amount of water in it.

Let's see if my next water bill is lower!