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-> Interesting Discussions
amother
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Sun, Oct 16 2011, 2:28 pm
I am sad ...very sad. People who know me think I am so happy. I have kids and grandkids mostly married kids and a good husband. I am so sad because I have had many deaths in my family in the last few years. after loosin both parents and then two best friends One of my friendsjust told me she is very sick.. I dont know what to do with myself. I sit and cry . Im not dealing well with the death issue...so I go on with life and manage. Life will never be the same.
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cc
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Sun, Oct 16 2011, 7:17 pm
I'm sorry to hear. :-(
Life is tough and tougher for some of us more then others.
May hashem give you strength to pull through this tough time and find the silver linings in your life.
{hugs}
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zaq
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Mon, Oct 17 2011, 1:55 am
Sadness is an uncomfortable emotion. We don't like being sad, and unfortunately pleasure-seeking Western society has us believing that sadness is something abnormal, to be avoided at all costs.
This is so wrong! Excessive sadness or sadness in the absence of a good cause is abnormal, but sadness in response to loss is normal and healthy. Of course you're sad! It would be very strange if you weren't after losing four people who were very close to you and finding out terrible news about a fifth. If you weren't sad for a time, it would dishonor your relationships with those people. The laws of avelus are a framework to accommodate our need to mourn while not allowing the mourning to be so long and so intense that it becomes unhealthy.
True, life will never be the same, but that doesn't mean it won't ever be good again. Over time one adjusts to loss and eventually one savors the happy memories without the sharp pain. This takes time, and there will always be points at which you'll cry. Does anyone not get teary-eyed at Yizkor? Can any parent not think at a child's wedding how sad it is that the grandparents didn't live to see it? Could anyone not then shed a few tears of sorrow mixed in with the tears of joy?
If, however, you're near or past the first Yahrzeit of the most recent loss but still find that you're sad literally all the time, never laugh or smile, no longer take pleasure in things you used to enjoy, are no longer interested in people and things you used to care about, have difficulty doing everyday things, and really do just sit and cry all the time (as opposed to now and then having a crying spell when you think about your lost loved ones and then going about your business) then you may be suffering from depression rather than just deep sadness. In that case, you should seek professional help. Depression, unlike sorrow, is a clinical disorder that, if untreated, doesn't usually go away by itself.
I'm hoping that your sorrow is no more than a normal response to heavy losses coming one on top of the other, and that in due time you will overcome and once again experience the natural joys and pleasures of life.
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DrMom
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Mon, Oct 17 2011, 2:29 am
Hi.
I am sorry you are going through a rough time.
Perhaps you can initiate some sort of tzedaka project in memory of your parents/friends? That way you perhaps you can transform some of your sadness into a mitzvah.
Be well.
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