Tell parents the truth or not? re: playroup

Raisin

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 12:29 pm

amother wrote:

How I ended up working there is a long story that Im not going to go into here. The morah says the parents know what her "style" is. I have told the parents before that their child cried the whole day. Nothing phases some people I guess. I feel that its better that I stay there as opposed to leaving and she will hire someone who will let the babies scream. At least while I am there, I can help. But I did discuss this with my rav (if I have the achrayis to tell the parents), and he said that I can answer a question directly (did Shloymie scream today?) but not offer info unless its asked of me. The parents know who they have watching their kids. Honestly, as a parent, its MY job to know whats going on where my kids are. I drop by school unannounced. I watch. I visit. I ask. These babies are too young to ask, so its the parents responsibility to come and see.

Ive been working with her for a few years now. She has a reputation for being dependable and never closing. Parents like that. Even snow days she is open.

I'm guessing shes also pretty cheap.

GreenEyes26

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 2:41 pm

amother wrote:

I'm sorry, this is unacceptable. You said to mothers straight out, "Listen, when Sarah is a daycare here, she cries all day and the Morah is either not around or refuses to hold her. She sits in her bouncy chair all day with no stimulation and cries." And they didn't care? I find that hard to believe. Or did you say something like, "Oh, Sarah cried a lot today" which can mean a whole bunch of things, and usually nothing as terrible as what you described? This woman needs to be shut down, reported, SOMETHING. Report her to authorities and get her illegal daycare closed. These children are suffering! Someone needs to do something!

amother

Blush

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 3:05 pm

I have a similer situation to Morah Sarah except its the other way around. I am the main teacher of a UPK classroom and my assistant is never there. She stretches her half hour break into an hour (and I am alone for that full hour) she walks out of the room to use BR 100 times a day, she goes to get something supplies etc and doesnt return for 20 min..
I am alone probably 80% of my day with 20 children. Alone while doing projects, alone while crossing the street to the playground....
I happen to be capable and able to manage 20 children and never had a complaint from parents ever but I am exhausted at the end of the day.
I know I am being taken so advantage of.. but I'm too shy not outspoken enough to say something..
as a parent would you be ok with this?
what do you recommend?

amother

Blush

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 3:52 pm

I am amother above and I don't have diaper changing but I do have bathroom time. I take all 20 kids to the main bathroom down the hall which has 6 stalls and 8 sinks in one room. The kids take turns going/ washing hands and the rest wait in the sink area usually jumping up and down like crazy running in circles.. sometimes I run a simple activity then, like simon says while simultaneously keeping track of who went in and who still needs to go in and reminding them.
We do have one bathroom in our classroom but that is for the "go as needed"
If a child has an accident while I am in middle of davening then yes I run back and forth between the two like a madman. change tights run back to circle start next song, have kids sing it while I run back to bathroom remove shirt, run back to circle, etc...

amother

Mustard

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 4:11 pm

I hear stories like this all the time and the scary part is that most of the parents don't even seem to care. As long as it's cheap and their kid is out of their way for as many hours as possible. It's crazy. I only send to legal, licensed playgroups for exactly this reason. There may be great morahs who are not legal, but that either means they are taking too many kids (a HUGE safety issue in my opinion), or doing something else wrong that they don't want anyone to know. But unfortunately many care more about convenience and saving money than about their children's well being...

In the legal playgroup I send to, there are 12 kids with two teachers and there are surprise inspections every few months, so if you're breaking any major rules you WILL get caught. They check to make sure that everything is clean and sanitary (food, diaper changing, etc) and that there's no safety issues with the playground or toys, that there's a legal fire escape, etc etc etc. I would be so nervous to send to a place that isn't required by anyone to take these basic safety measures.

amother

Blush

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 4:20 pm

the director is completely out to lunch. Sits in her fancy office does nothing. Also when I once spoke to her regarding the aisstants lunch break- I asked her who covers for her while on break so I am not alone? and she said no one. You will be alone for that half hour -that is how the school does it!They dont think anything is wrong with that. Same for all the classes. When one teacher goes on break the other teacher is left alone. I dont take a break cuz I am afraid to leave my students alone with my asisstant. She would just ignore them. let them go wild. I've seen it happen. and if anything happens it would be on my head. I eat lunch together with my students and go to the bathroom once the entire day. Those are the only 2 min I leave them.

imasinger

Fri, Apr 24 2015, 5:01 pm

Blush amother, it's time for you to do something.

Start keeping written records. Write down every day each time your assistant is gone from the room, and for how long.

At the end of 2 weeks, arrange a meeting with your director. Show her the numbers. Let her know that if she is paying this worker, say $10/hr (for easier math in this example), the school has paid her for, let's say, 10 hours a week where she is out of the room, which equals $100/week of the budget being wasted. That'll get the director to sit up and do something. She probably will speak to the assistant. Still keep records. Do it for the kids if you can't face doing it for yourself.

WRT the other problem of these Dickensian daycares, I get so horrified by these stories. All I can say is, either mothers are going to wise up, or one day, there will be a MAJOR public stink about the issue. In the meantime, buyer beware.

imasinger

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 10:08 pm

So, you are going to put your own anxiety ahead of the needs of the children?

So what if she knows? So what might she do if she were mad? Yell at you? Fine, as long as she stops taking advantage of you and the children. She is doing something wrong. And it won't change as long as you sit back and take it.

It's not called "tattling" under such circumstances.

It would be a better first step if you, as lead teacher, could be the one to tell her to cut it out, but if you can't, that's what the director is for.

If you really can't do this, please start lookng for another job. But sooner or later, you are going to have to learn how to handle conflict and confrontation.

marina

Sat, Apr 25 2015, 11:22 pm

amother wrote:

This is an issue thats been bothering me for a very long time, I should create a spin off to address this so more people can see what Im saying.

I work in an "illegal" gan. I am an assistant. We watch a lot of babies, and there are only 2 of us adults there. Its a revolving door of workers, all frum. The Morah whos house its in has very little to do with the group. She is on her phone or computer the entire day. Im not kidding and Im not exaggerating. She lets the babies sit in their bouncy seats and cry. They cry all day. From the second I get there until right before I leave, Im carrying babies around to stop the, from crying, but my boss, the Morah gets upset that I do this because she feels itll make it worse because then the babies expect to be held. Like the Morah in OPs post, this morah leaves me alone with the kids and she actually leaves the house. She knows she can get away with this because the mothers who send to her dont check in at all with her during the day. They drop off and come the very last second possible.

Ladies, listen to me. If your kids are in illegal daycares, the gannenet is not answering to anyone. She can do and get away with anything. No one is holding her accountable. It is YOUR responsibility to check in , unannounced, at any time. Are you sure you know whats going on? Becoming facebook friends with the gannenet is a great way to see what shes doing during the day. Personally, I sent my daughter to a daycare and the caretaker was posting on FB all day long, so I knew she wasnt watching my daughter and puller her out. I cant stress this enough - pop in at random times. Dont ring the bell, just come in. Make a small mark on your kids diaper so youll know when you pick up if the diaper was changed during the day. Pack only enough diapers and food for your 1 kid for the 1 day, or it will be shared. Label all the clothing or it will mysteriously disappear.

I know daycare is costly, and thats why so many illegal places exist. Stay at home moms babysit in their houses to make extra money. Fab. Thats illegal. Just know whats going on when you make a choice.

I should start an "I work at an illegal gan, AMA" thread.

I had my child in a daycare like this, but I think it was a very short time, a few weeks or less. My husband told me a few times that he came by to pick up the kids and the door was locked and he asked why and the lady said "for safety" but it really meant that no one could make surprise visits. At one point I got suspicious and came by and the door was open and I came in to see a whole room full of babies sitting in car seats around the edge of the room while some older kids were playing in the middle. I don't know like 5-7 babies in one tiny room with 2-3 kids in the middle. I took my baby and walked out, while the woman was trying to explain to me that it was okay and babies like sitting in car seats and that it gives more space for the older ones.

This woman had a WHOLE house, but only one small room for all the kids. Who apparently spent their days buckled in car seats.

I told my friends, but they insisted that it couldn't be true and their kids loved this morah and she is so fantastic and sorry that you had a bad experience, but we love her, etc.

amother

Blush

Sun, Apr 26 2015, 12:18 am

Thats just funny. Because I work like a dog to make sure those children have the absolute best year of their lives. I have learned how to be two people at once, in two places at once. Not a single parent has complained, in fact I only get lavish praise. The CHILDREN are not the victims in this, I am. To imply that my anxieties in rocking the boat is causing me to sacrifice the children's needs is just plain funny.
and implying that I get another job is also funny... why is the skill to be able to handle confrontation exclusive to being a preschool teacher?
I would encounter that anywhere I go.. saying I need to learn to deal with confrontation is absolutely true, saying maybe its time to get another job is just plain ludicrous.

imasinger

Sun, Apr 26 2015, 7:28 am

I'm sorry that I hurt you.

What I meant about considering looking for another job is that it is better to work in a place where you are supported and surrounded by good people. This is true no matter how good or bad you are at confrontation. Nobody does their best when they are unhappy. If you think a bad situation will continue, maybe there are jobs where you will be happier, and can grow more slowly in learning to be assertive. For what it's worth, I was thinking of a move within your field, to a preschool/daycare with a reputation for teamwork and a happy staff. It's not easy to find, because such places have low turnover, but it can happen.

I am a music teacher specializing in working with preschool children. I work in a number of different preschools as a specialist, and have seen a lot.

Teachers who, like you, are giving more than 100%, burn out VERY quickly. I'm sure your kids had a wonderful year, but a) they might have had an even better year if you were working with someone who worked better with you, b) no matter how hard you may try, someday, something may happen where you can't be in two places at once, which is why there are laws about teacher coverage, and c) how many years do you think you can go on like this?

That's why I encourage you to be brave, or consider moving on. It sounds like you have a lot to offer. It would be a shame for those children who might have benefited from your many strengths to lose out because you either turned bitter and uncaring after some years of being taken advantage of, or quit the field.

You did an excellent job standing up for yourself above. You CAN do it! Now, go do it where it will make a real difference in your life.

Barbara

Sun, Apr 26 2015, 2:59 pm

amother wrote:

I'm sure you do.

But you cannot be two people at once. You can't be two people at once. You can't be helping Jimmy, who needs a little extra attention, while you're addressing all the kids. And while you're doing one on one with Suzy, the rest of the kids don't have you.

UPK has certain very specific rules about student-teacher ratios. The school risks losing its UPK certification.

One way of another, I would be furious if I learned that there was only one teacher most of the time, when I thought there were two.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Apr 26 2015, 3:56 pm

Wrong ! Wrong!
Ur not allowed to be alone! If anyone comes as surprise inspection u could be in a lot of trouble, well the director really. I've seen playgroups like this, worked in one too. That's I vowed to never send my kids to any playgroup until they can talk and tell me what's going on there!
On a side note this is dangerous to ur health , many years ago I worked as a Morah in a preschool. I was promised an assistant but they than split the class and the asst. was made the teacher of the other class. I should've quiet I should've left but I felt bad for these kids and worked my self nuts for them,well I over worked and ended up with a nervous breakdown , and anxiety issues. Was out of work a for a few years because of that.
Dnt do a 2-3 persone job on ur own ! Not worth it!