Are you not sorry for your time?

amother

Mustard

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 4:32 pm

amother wrote:

Politics is not intellectual stimulation. It's solely an emotional debate and useless, pointless, and divisive. There is nothing to understand, Sequoia. You were 100% right at the beginning of this thread. Full stop.

So sad really. I remember back in the day, politics was really something you could care about. Think Hague vs Blair, or the heirs of Thatcher (Major, Blair, Brown). Ok I am showing my age... politics never used to be all entertainment and vitriol

imorethanamother

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 4:55 pm

amother wrote:

I think that intellectual debate is innately stimulating. I assume there are those who have access to this regularly at their dinner table or over shabbos lunch or whatever. Sadly, I do not. I find that most people I know prefer to talk about the mundane. So this is a rare venue for me to engage with people who enjoy discussing meatier topics. One of my favorite things about imamother actually....

Anon so that nobody who knows me finds out that I think most of the conversation that goes on around me is boring drivel....

Me too! I won't be anon for this. Can everyone PLEASE stop endlessly prattling about shaitels and clothes and workouts and diets?

I wish I could be a man so I could talk about what they talk about, which usually sounds about ten times more interesting.

amother

Violet

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 6:44 pm

sequoia wrote:

Never had this experience.

Actually, never wanted to be a man.

Sequoia in that case, you are very fortunate in in this regard.

I will acknowledge that I may be a bit of an oddball, but I've only come to that conclusion in light of my adult experiences with people in general. I find almost all social gatherings unbearable, mostly because I am not capable of engaging in the topics that seem to come so easily to everyone else.

And I don't mean not capable in a snotty way, like I think these conversations are beneath me. I mean literally, I don't know how to. I can't think of a blessed thing to say, in a group of women who are talking about what they cooked, and what their daughters wore, and what theit kids' teachers did wrong, and where they buy their shells or stockings or whatever.

Like in real life, I've never met anyone who thinks or talks like Fox. Like, ever.

zaq

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 6:45 pm

sequoia wrote:

This may be banal, but no one ever said on their deathbed, “I wish I’d spent more time arguing on the internet with strangers about late-night talk show hosts whose names I don’t remember.”

Probably no one ever said “I wish I’d spent more time cooking, cleaning, shopping and working for a living”, either. Just saying.

Cheiny

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 6:48 pm

sequoia wrote:

This may be banal, but no one ever said on their deathbed, “I wish I’d spent more time arguing on the internet with strangers about late-night talk show hosts whose names I don’t remember.”

Couldn’t you say same about all those who spend tons of time on Facebook and other social media? I think that’s out of control...

sequoia

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 7:10 pm

Oh.

Aside from a few “girls nights out,” I’ve never hung out with all women (davening doesn’t count as socializing in my book, although some wouldn’t agree lol).

I’ve never really seen a difference in either how men and women communicate or what they like to talk about. Cultural differences are WAY more pronounced in my experience than gender differences.

This summer in Ukraine we were having a little shabbat gathering with a few people. We were discussing whether Judaism could be proven with Kant’s categorical imperative. At one point I felt the conversation had deteriorated into an argument and announced I was going to bed. One of the guys at the table made a nasty untranslatable comment and said that Americans are only good at small talk and never want to discuss anything real. Needless to say, I got upset and started defending myself. The hosts tried to effect a reconciliation.

My conclusion from that experience wasn’t “this is a man vs woman thing,” even though I had used the term mansplaining during the argument. My conclusion was that personal differences can be compounded by cultural differences. But my hatred of arguments will never change (hence this thread); it’s part of who I am.

amother

Violet

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 7:21 pm

sequoia wrote:

Yes, it can.

Just kidding, I had to look that up. Can't say it helped though.... LOL

But wow. I totally need new friends.... Can I come to the Ukraine with you next summer?

sequoia

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 7:42 pm

marina wrote:

it’s both a cultural and gender thing. There’s a name for american girls who talk about philosophy and politics. It is Nerd. All of us are just displaced nerds Wink

I love talking about philosophy and literature and hate talking about politics.

And speak for yourself, I’m not displaced Wink

Although I do miss college and sometimes regret choosing not to go into academia...

amother

Violet

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 8:54 pm

sequoia wrote:

Um... sure? Lol

It might be easier to find intellectual friends where you live, though Smile

I don't know about that!

In all seriousness though, I really do not find people to be that way. I feel like I get sort of confused looks or half hearted nods when I talk about anything more intellectual.... I mean, back in college there was a lot of more fulfilling interactive discussion and interaction, but I just do not find that to be the norm now amongst anybody in my general social circle (shul, work, overall community).

I've sort of accepted my self-imposed status as a closet introvert. I try to be friendly, but inside it's very lonely.

OK. I've derailed this thread enough for one day! I'm so happy for you that you have such fulfilling friendships! Smile

sushilover

Wed, Oct 31 2018, 11:04 pm

I genuinely enjoy the back and forth with people who have a completely different world view than me. I don't do this in real life because I would probably start crying if my liberal cousin accused me of not caring about babies once they are born, or being racist, or loving guns more than victims, etc.

Here I can shrug it off and try to get to the bottom of our differences of opinion.
It also forces me to be more balanced despite my confirmation bias.

Plus it's fun.