Mistake? | Imamother

amother

Olive

Wed, Dec 16 2020, 1:20 pm

fmt4 wrote:

It has nothing to do with where you’re from. It has to do with having eyes in your head and the barest minimum of critical thinking. If mommy “gets fat” and then after nine months has a baby, most kids over the age of three put two and two together.

Exactly. Some amothers here seem to come from a different galaxy. Grew up chassidish and the fact that babies are in Mommy's bellies was a given. Teacher had a big belly? Yay, she was having a baby.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 16 2020, 1:28 pm

fmt4 wrote:

I think some people are more observant than others. I happen to be the last one to notice when people are pg for some reason. It can be staring me in the face and I don't notice. Maybe I tend to look at peoples' faces rather than their stomachs.

I don't know if I would've realized on my own that pg=baby because I was brought up in a family where I was told these things from an early enough age anyway, so I didn't need to make the connection on my own. I wonder what I would be like if that weren't the case.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 16 2020, 1:56 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I'm confused about the parents. Don't they talk to their kids about no one touching them inappropriately? My DD knows that no one can touch her where her bathing suit covers....

OH yes that talk is very important. At every single age and stage of life.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Dec 16 2020, 2:42 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

Absolutely. But she wouldn't give up the boy's name, so no one could prosecute.

She ended up having two more kids with him by the time she was 18, and by then she was old enough to marry him. He's not Jewish, but at least he married her. That's something, I guess.

Sounds like he really did love her in the end. At least more then her own family and community. It’s tragic.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Dec 16 2020, 2:50 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I hear. It just sounds awkward. Isn't every first kids thought is "so my parents do this?". I don't want my kid to think that while we discuss it. But I guess you are right. I guess me and everyone I know turned out alright without an official talk so I assumed it's fine. I probably will end up talking to them. Note I don't have any kids yet.

Good for you for being open to listening to new ideas and realizing another way might be better. I told my 10 and 12 your old boys (separately) because my 10 year old was asking me some questions. Both of them said “does that mean you guys do that?” And I simply said “Yes. But it’s not something to talk about. It’s not tznius. It’s between a husband and wife.” And they said ok and that was that. A day later one of them had a follow up question and I answered it. Bh, it wasn’t awkward and I’m so happy that my kids feel so close to me that they will ask me anything and feel comfortable and safe and know I will tell them the truth.

amother

Blush

Wed, Dec 16 2020, 2:51 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

Statutory rape is when an adult convinces a child or teen that they want to do something, and they think that they have enough maturity and information to act on it. She may have "given consent", but she was not legally able to consent, and that's where the statutory part comes in.

From what I could tell, she'd been sneaking out to be with him, and he wasn't really known to the community. I don't know if anyone ever really saw them together just hanging out. She probably thought it was some kind of Romeo and Juliet thing, which makes it more exciting and romantic.

She never showed any signs of being abused. She seemed to genuinely love this guy. Many people offered to pay for her abortion and counselling, and she flatly refused.

Statutory rape is when there is no coercion involved, but because of one party's age, we assume them to be incapable of giving consent.

This sounds like statutory rape, because she seemed to be happy with this guy, love him, and want him, but she was underage.

For example, if your 15yo DD had an 18yo boyfriend and she slept with him because she wanted to sleep with him, but you didn't want her having a boyfriend at all, you could charge the boyfriend with statutory rape because your DD is under age and he is 18.

Statutory rape, in most cases, has nothing to do with actual rape.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 16 2020, 3:10 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I hear you. You are right.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Dec 16 2020, 10:00 pm

Op, this has nothing to do with discussions about periods etc...
No one had to tell me that babies are in stomachs and that’s why they’re big sometimes. Every kid I know figured it out when they’re really little.
This is not about a one time occurrence so the kid is a little spacey and didn’t notice. This is like literally lots of ladies going from huge to small and coming home with a baby. She’s been seeing this her whole life. It makes zero sense that a normal girl or boy, any person wouldn’t know this.
No one needs a whole detailed serious discussion to figure it out. It’s just something you know.
I honestly cannot understand this at all

amother

Brunette

Thu, Dec 17 2020, 7:24 am

For those that don’t come from the specific community OP does , you can’t understand it. I grew up like this and yes kids are pretty much TAUGHT to be spacey because they are not encouraged to think or feel or discuss or decide etc. AND a big reason kids won’t notice the whole “but they get fat and then they get skinny” thing is because women wear very loose fitting clothing all the time and a pregnant belly grows so slowly that it’s noticed