Overwhelmed. | Imamother

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Hebrew used to be her strongest subject! All 90s, read fine, translates fairly. L
Asthma yr the teacher was not a great fit and threw her off track.

She's on average getting 80s on quizzes. Some were in the 70s which were working on.

I dint mind the phone calls, as I said in my OP I actually appreciate them. And I know what she needs help with.

My post was that I was overwhelmed. That I was upset that there was a note of just "call me" on her HW page, so my daughter came home 8n hysterics bc she thinks she's in trouble, but doesn't know why. She could have emailed me, or called. I ALWAYS answer when she's done that in the past.

My daughter now thins the teacher doesn't like her. That my husband and I will be upset with her.etc. bc no one else got that note.

To clarify. The note is not on an assignment! It was just on a paper where the HW is written down. No context.

I'm also disappointed in the system of having the amount of hw on top of long days at school.

That’s awful, your poor daughter! I hope you gave her lots of hugs and kisses and reassurance. When you do speak to the teacher, if you haven’t done so already, you should let her know that in the future if she wants to talk to you, SHE should call YOU. Your daughter shouldn’t know about it.

amother

Peachpuff

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:15 am

Sounds like there probably aren't global learning issues. If last year's teacher was not a fit, there could be skill and knowledge gaps that accumulated during that time. I would just want the most specific information possible from the teacher on what she thinks the issues are.

And she should definitely contact you directly in the future, without involving your daughter and freaking her out.

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 11:55 am

I'm so confused. I wouldn't think twice about a teacher writing a note on a worksheet for me to call them. The teacher obviously doesn't want it to be private. There's no reason for your daughter to get all worked up about it, and I think that the way you respond should reflect that. Make sure she knows that it's 100% normal for teachers and parents to touch base over the course of the year, just to discuss how things are going and to see if there's anything the parent can do to help.

I wouldn't let the conversation focus on homework. If the teacher tries to discuss that with you, you could respond and say "Yes, sometimes homework time is busy in our house and it's hard to get it all finished. But is she mastering the material? Is she paying attention and participating during class?" It sounds like it might be more than just homework, and it's important to focus on what your child needs to succeed and how you and the teacher together can help with that, rather than focusing just on homework.

If it seems that homework is really the main issue, I wonder if it would be possible to keep your oldest up a little later than the other kids and do homework with her right before bedtime when the house is quieter? I've done that before when between school and bedtime was just too crazy of a time for a child to concentrate or for me to give of my time for their homework, especially if the child was struggling in a specific area and I wanted to help them with it. It might also be possible to work with the teacher to save at least some of the homework for the weekends if there's more time then. She could read a bunch of kriyah sheets over the weekend and then not have kriyah homework during the week, for example.

I think that while younger teachers can sometimes be fantastic, it can also be hard for them to understand what life is like for a mother who is juggling so much. I don't think it's their fault, but especially since this is her first year, I think that you can gently explain to her why it's such a struggle and ask her to brainstorm ways that you can give your child the same review without causing an undue amount of stress.

amother

Pear

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 12:22 pm

I run the Chessed Program in a high school.

Homework help is the most requested Chessed and the mothers say how their kids are happier to sit down with a teenager and do their homework instead of with their parent.

And the girls really step up to the plate!

I did homework Chessed as a teen and I loved it, it was an easy Chessed! Sitting down and helping a kid with their spellings/kriah or creative writing assistance was a pleasant way to spend an hour.

amother

Eggplant

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 9:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

Could be. She's new, no kids.

But I also heard it gets hard in 5th grade, so this is getting them used to it. But... why can't kids be kids? It's not so intense in Israeli schools.

I do understand HW to an extent, but after such long days? In Israel, they don't have as long of days, and HW is not as big of a thing. At least at this age I think. My husband hardly had HW growing up. And short days, my nieces and nephews same thing.

I will also say, the teacher is very nice, and she just wants my daughter to do well. She seems sweet. I'm just overwhelmed in general and this is adding a lot of stress.

This here might be your main issue.

It’s time to be assertive. “I really appreciate your concern. Going forward, we’ll be reviewing kriah and studying for XYZ but we’ll be stopping after 20 minutes. Please tell me exactly which skills she’s struggling with in school, we’ll be sure to focus on that.”

You may need to reach out to other 4th grade teachers and parents in the school to find out what the actual expectations are for that age in her school because this teacher seems well meaning but out of touch.

Also, if you can get a high schooler to help with homework (chesed or paid), it really can make a huge difference.