dating etiquette | Imamother

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 8:40 am

we had two single guys over for shabbat and one was telling us that it is "the done thing" for the guy to pay for her taxi, and ride with her in that taxi back home and then have to pay for the bus or a taxi back to where he lives. this is in israel where most single ppl do not have cars.

I told him that that is really a disgusting thing to "make" the guy do, I mean, think about it, what if the guy is learning in a yeshiva or in college and can not afford a taxi both ways and a dinner. where does this comes from? when did girls become like this, that they felt the guys "have to" pay for these things?

I know that when I was dating, I always offered to pay for my part of a meal and I got on the bus and paid my own share. and if the guy wanted to ride back with me, that was fine, but it was not a requirement.

peach

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 9:54 am

I dont live in Israel, but it seems to me that the guy should pay for it. I know that here in America, if I would have offered to pay for my share of the meal, the guys would have been extremely offended. The guy is taking the girl out. He pays the expenses. That's just what I think....

lst

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 10:24 am

I definitely agree with the taxi thing, the guy should not have to spend the extra money and ride back with her.
It's nice of him to offer, but the girl should not make the guy pay. Aren't you both in this for the same purpose? What makes it the guy's responsibilty

greenfire

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 10:55 am

guess there is a balance of old-fashioned chivalry ... and modern day circumstances ... as a girl who likes to do things myself ... I still find it nice when a man takes care to make sure he escorts the girl home ... this is part of dating as I see it ...

DefyGravity

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 11:12 am

I don't think the guy should "have to" spend money on a taxi and walk her to the door. However, it's surely appreciated, shows chivalry, and it's definitely noticed. Remember, most people unfortunately have to date lots of guys, so it definitely sticks out when a man shows basic manners.

I was extremely impressed when a guy accompanied me on the train from midtown to Flatbush, and then went back to the Heights.

If a guy is already not showing common chivalry on a first date, I'd imagine there's going to be zero chivalry after a few months of marriage.

Ruchel

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 12:06 pm

The guy should definitely do it!

But again, I'm from a country where I have never heard of the girl going to the guy's town for the first date...

greenfire

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 12:37 pm

hey one of my dates wanted to wait on a long ny subway line for a token ... I had a weeks worth ... I paid for his train ride ... got a flower with a note that said "thanks for the token" ... yes nothing is a must - but you certainly notice Wink

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 12:47 pm

peach wrote:

im not so much talking about the eating part of the date as the taxi thing. when this guest told us this it really disturbed me. the guy is shelling out lets say up to 100 shekels a date and if you go out more than once a week it become VERY expensive and then on top of that to have to pay for a taxi that lets say is about 40 shekels, that can really break the piggy bank (this guy came to israel for the purpose of dating and so he is not working and so he is cash strapped - so how is it fair - chivalry or not?)

justanothermother

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 1:00 pm

I would only expect that if a boy is taking a girl out he should see her home safely. It is no different than expecting my husband to walk home some single girls we had at our last seder even though it was 3 am. To me this is something basic. Taking the girl home should be factored in as the cost of the date. (Although I see nothing wrong with the girl offering to be picked up halfway so the boy doesn't have to bring her all the way home.)

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 1:05 pm

justanothermother wrote:

fine, let him take her in the cab, but why should he have to pay?