6 yr old DD stealing

amother

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 12:03 am

I’m mortified. What do I do? I have no idea where she’s learning this behavior from. She’ll come home one day with a friends scissors, another day with a neighbors doll, today she came home with her teachers stapler! Of course I talk to her but it doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything…. What in the world do I do?

amother

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 12:07 am

amother Garnet wrote:

Take it from her and give it back and tell her it’s wrong. Maybe teach her about hashavas avada and have her return it with you?

She knows it’s wrong. I tell her every time. She gives back the stuff. But how do I prevent her from taking it in the first place.

amother

Lightgreen

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 12:31 am

My daughter went through a stage like that around that age. The person I spoke to told me to make sure she gives the stuff back herself.
She’s 9 now and I almost forgot she used to do that till I saw this post. I wouldn’t think kleptomania just yet.

amother

Jade

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 5:11 am

amother Foxglove wrote:

Could also be a symptom of ADHD

Op, I took stuff at that age and younger, and stopped probably by age 7. My mother used to make me give it back. As an adult and even as a teen, I was super midakdek on honesty. At the time though, I never thought about the kid, I was taking it from. Interesting, because I also have ADHD and never made the connection. At some point, my father stressed how important honesty was in our family, and told stories about my grandparents and what they gave up for honesty. After that, honesty became very important to me.

amother

Jade

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 5:16 am

amother Hydrangea wrote:

Kleptomania? I’d start therapy asap best to nip it in the bud early.

Please don't jump to kleptomania.

I remember reading a story where someone asked a ravwhat to do to punish their 5yo son who was stealing. The rav answered "punish? Why would you punish? Your job is to be mechanech and teach him not to steal. Kids aren't born knowing how to be good. We teach them that."

amother

Garnet

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 5:16 am

amother OP wrote:

She knows it’s wrong. I tell her every time. She gives back the stuff. But how do I prevent her from taking it in the first place.

Maybe take something from her as a punishment or put her in time out or something?

amother

Garnet

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 5:17 am

amother Jade wrote:

But, how do you teach them that?

amother

Fern

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 5:17 am

I did this. My parents were mortified. I stopped on my own after a few months.

I think it can be a normal issue in childhood. Just keep telling her it’s wrong. My parents were too embarrassed to make me return the stuff I took, luckily for me. I never admitted to taking them. But here I am, haven’t stolen in decades Smile

Hang in there. Don’t let this define her. She will likely grow out of this stage in a little bit.

I still remember the fear each time I took something. She probably feels scared and guilty but doesn’t have the self control to stop herself.

Success10

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 5:37 am

This is so normal at this age. It can come from impulsivity, like "I need it NOW". Definitely could be connected to ADHD. Definitely don't jump to a severe issue like kleptomania. Try your hardest to get the items returned to their owners wihtout embarassing your child. But she shoudl see that it's a big deal to get the items back since we don't ever steal. And try to view it from your child's POV and not get angry.

amother

Pear

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 5:40 am

amother Lightgreen wrote:

Same here. What influenced her was when we scared her by telling her about cameras and what happens if she's caught and police come etc ..she totally stopped

amother

Jade

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 6:51 am

amother Garnet wrote:

But, how do you teach them that?

I don't think there's one answer. Of course we tell them we can't take others' stuff. But I wrote how I stopped. Praise honesty in general, tell them stories about how special it is when people are honest. My mother also used to make me return the stuff. I would try to sneak it back to the kid's desk without being noticed, and once I told a kid I found her toy in the back of the room. Everyone was helping her look for her toy and I was so embarrassed and scared they would know I actually stole it. I have multiple memories around returning the stuff from ages 4-6, that's how significant it was to me to get the items back without being found out.

Another thing is that usually when kids are stealing it's simply because they want the item. Of course kids need to learn that sometimes we simply don't get certain things in life. But if possible, we can look at what stuff they tend to be taking and whether there's a pathway we can offer them to getting them that item. Like a chart-reward for doing chores for example. If they know that there's a way that they too can earn it, maybe they'll feel less urgent about needing that item right then.

Happydance

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 8:50 am

Oy
The responses here!
Please do not cause shame and fear. Please don’t think of her as a thief. She is a child who is having a hard time with the concepts of yours and mine. With patience and teaching, she will understand.
When I had this issue with my son, his preschool teacher gave me this suggestion. She said it could be coming from a place of feeling a void, like he doesn’t have what he needs emotionally in some way. She suggested I take him to the dollar store and let him pick out a bunch of items.
Let him feel like he is getting so many wonderful items that he is wishing he can have. Then we put it away in a prize box and he earned them as time went on. But this filled his void he was feeling. He knew he had so much specialness coming to him at some point. He knew that if he needed a scissors or a doll or a stapler, we would find it at the dollar store or such and he could refill his prize box.
Never had an issue after the first such shopping trip

amother

Garnet

Tue, Oct 24 2023, 9:30 am

Happydance wrote:

Very true, kids tend to steal from kids who they feel have better things than they do and their jealous from. I was the child who had kids stealing from me. If you buy them things and tell them you’ll give them things if they don’t steal, that’ll probably fix the issue. The ironic part is, till today I remember who stole from me and now I’m the jealous one lol because I feel they had an easier time in life than I did.