Older girls at playground - what to do?

amother

Sat, Aug 29 2009, 6:05 pm

We BH have a very nice community where many kids play together outside during shul hours. Over the past several weeks, a particular older girl (she's around 10) started playing with my almost 3-year-old dd, which of course dd loved.

The thing is, a couple weeks ago another girl started playing with my kids as well. Now for whatever reason, both she and the first girl are focused almost completely on the baby, and pretty much ignore my older daughter. Older dd doesn't understand what's going on, and the baby doesn't like it at all - their attention just seems to upset her.

So now I'm wishing they'd either go back to playing with older dd or just leave us alone. They're very sweet kids, but it's just sad to see older dd trying to get their attention while they fuss over the baby and the baby screams for me.

But then again, they do play with older dd sometimes, and when they do both of my kids have a great time.

Any suggestions? advice? I feel strange complaining about two perfectly nice girls who are really sweet to show any interest in my kids at all, but their interest seems to be hurting more than it helps sometimes.

pinktichel

Sat, Aug 29 2009, 6:18 pm

I agree with Raisin. I would probably put a big smile on and say something like: "You girls are amazing with little kids (complimenting first always works). The baby prefers to play on her/his own, but DD loved playing with you the other week and would be thrilled to play with you again."

If they aren't interested in your older DD, they'll probably just stay away.

amother

Sat, Aug 29 2009, 6:30 pm

Raisin wrote:

this is common behaviour among 10 year old girls. they really do not realise that they are hurting other kids feelings when they do that.

I understand that - but what can I do about it? I don't want to pressure them to play with older dd, or to hurt their feelings, but I do need them to back off if they're just going to upset both kids.

ShakleeMom

Sat, Aug 29 2009, 10:06 pm

Raisin wrote:

this is common behaviour among 10 year old girls. they really do not realise that they are hurting other kids feelings when they do that.

I second that. My dd has a pick on the neighbor's toddler too. What works for kids this age is to be consistent and repetitive even if it kills you. When they come get your dd, say "Esty's sister Miriam also wants to play with you. They always play together, thank you". If they refuse, so be it.

Tova

Sat, Aug 29 2009, 10:23 pm

I think that they just feel the baby is cuter and more fun to take care of!

We have a new swingset, and a bunch of kids in the neighborhood came to play this Shabbos along with a few "older" girls on the block (ages 10-12) who were watching the kids. Anyways, I was supervising a bit, making sure eveyone got a turn on the swings, and one of the older girls was telling one of the toddlers (on the baby swing) "let's now give a turn to _______" - an infant! I said - no - we don't have to make a child who undertands/enjoys get off to give a turn to a baby who is just as happy being held or playing on the grass.

That it - they just think babies are cute and like playing with babies, and don't relate to the needs of children a bit older.

manhattanmom

Mon, Aug 31 2009, 11:48 pm

10-12 year old girls LOVE babies. They like to hold them and will do ANYTHING to hold a baby! They're probably all excited about seeing a cute baby--kind of like a little more sophisticated stage that comes after holding dolls but being too young to really babysit....So Mommy with baby is great--because they could hold a real baby and "watch" it while Mommy is there!
You should point out that baby's big sister really would love and appreciate your attention now. And be very blunt--tell them that babies don't care who holds them as long as they're happy and comfortable and they're usually happy with mommy anyway--it's the toddlers who appreciate playing with a new face. Mommy would also like for you to interact with the toddler because she needs it more (both toddler and mommy.) Preteens don't realize that--they're just seeing a cute baby, "Oooh let's hold her!"

I do this too--I have a 10 year old sister. My boys (one is 2 and one is 8 months) absolutely adore her. But she's into this "have to hold the baby" stage--especially when I'm in her house for shabbos and she has friends over--it must be really cool to hold a baby. Meanwhile, my toddler is calling her and would do anything to have her and her friends play a game with him (instead of them just looking at a cute baby....)