Other people staying in your house when you are not there

daisy

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 11:16 am

defygravity wrote:

I'm just going to tell her that I don't feel comfortable having people that I don't know stay in my house for over a week when I'm not home. I think that's reasonable.

This thread got me thinking. I've also been asked if guests could stay in my house when we are away. I have also been put up in houses when the owners were not there. It seems to be extremely common and accepted for people to give neighbors their houses to use for out of town guests. I hear about it especially in yeshivish communities where the apartments are small, but it is also very common in other places over yom tov and in the summer. Sometimes it appears like people think it's a given required service as part of living in a frum community.

It personally makes me VERY uncomfortable to have people traipsing in and out of my house when we are not there. Even if they are people we know. I guess I'm just a private person. But it also looks really bad to say no since so many people do it. Just wondering what everyone thinks about this practice?

DefyGravity

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 11:29 am

I have no problem hosting my friends guests while I'm at home. However, I wouldn't have people stay at my house while I'm not there. Especially people that I don't know.

If something breaks while we're gone, even if it's not their fault, I'm going to assume that they broke it - simply because they were there! And what if they DO break something and refuse to take responsibility?

What if they go crazy with the heat and we end up with a huge bill?

I'd be very paranoid that the guest wouldn't be careful with my home. I just feel strange having people in my house for such a long period of time. Usually when we have guests, they always ask where they can find certain items around the house. If we're not around to ask, then what's going to happen? They're going to snoop around the house!

I also don't feel like cleaning out the spare bedrooms (we got married not so long ago, and I still use the bedrooms for storage), and I will not have a guest sleep in our bedroom.

I think that if people are going to ask for people to stay at your house for a lengthy period of time, they should at least offer to pay a certain price which can cover the cost of gas/electric of their stay and a cleaning lady to tidy things up after they leave. That may make a wary person be more apt to let people stay at their place while they're away. Maybe even give a deposit, so if something breaks, the homeowners aren't left with extra expenses.

ChavieK

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 12:05 pm

Last Pesach we had a lot of family.Had a baby 4 Nissan.My nieghbor has a beautiful guest room.She has told people no in the past b/c she was gone all of Yom Tov & was afraid of security. ($ isn't an issue for her, but I agree that could be & one could offer to help) Anyway, She knew I needed room & offered for my parents to stay- only my parents. She know them very well & felt they would be more careful with her things & alarm than she would be herself.She hasn't made Pesach in years but offered to take out her hot water urn & empty the fridge so my parents could have some stuff.It was beyond nice.But even she, epitomy of hachnasas orchim, feels uncomfortable with most people staying in her empty house.

bceaya

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 1:56 pm

My husband and I never have a problem with people staying at our house, even if we're not home, and he is even very particular in our home to things being neat and organized. I am just curious, what is the problem of people staying in your home? It's such a nice thing to do for people. I am not judging, I am just curious as to why it is considered a huge deal?

LoveMy2Kids

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 2:27 pm

We had someone stay in our home and it turned into a very negative experience. I don't want to get into detail, but we had a few hundred dollars worth of damage that they would not take responsibility for. They commented how the house was a bit messy, and they left all their dirty linen on the beds. They knew we'd be coming home late that night, and did not need the extra work of stripping their beds. All in all I was very unhappy, and would most likely not do it again.

Last edited by LoveMy2Kids on Tue, Mar 28 2006, 5:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

chocolate moose

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 3:34 pm

I wasn't going to bring it up...but has anyone had teenagers stay over, without parents? (Like, a friend says their kid is going to camp or whatever and can they stay by you and catch the bus, etc.)

That has got to take the cake!!!!!

Amngst other experiences, one kid used our computer to hack into someone's account and steal a credit card.

That was the end of unsupervised teens/kids staying over.

bceaya

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 3:58 pm

But regular normal adults that just need a place to stay for Shabbos, what's wrong with that? It is certainly not the norm for people to mess things up and do any damage to your house? Seriously we have had probably a few dozen people stay for Shabbos in our house, and nothing ever happened. It's really not the norm for people to "steal" anything. What if you were out of town and wanted a place to stay for Shabbos, wouldn't you want people to be hospitable to you?

LoveMy2Kids

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 5:08 pm

bceaya wrote:

Things happen. Like the houseguest who unplugged my mom's fridge and freezer b4 a 2 days chag (2 plug in the urn). She came back 2 spoiled food.

amother

Tue, Mar 28 2006, 5:42 pm

Here's why in short
1) no one respects my house as much as I do
2) no one knows my house as well as I do
3) I dont like other couples sleeping in our beds.
4) ill admit to being a control-freak- - I want to know whats happening in my own house at all times!

Raisin

Wed, Mar 29 2006, 8:59 am

We have let people stay in our house. (relatives) We just lock up our bedroom. I don't know about strangers. I would also be very worried about someone mixing up our kitchen. For example, my toddler is constantly taking spoons etc from one drawer and putting them in another. I know that this item is milchig, but would my guest?

Tefila

Wed, Mar 29 2006, 9:06 am

Quote:

We have let people stay in our house. (relatives) We just lock up our bedroom.

And friends too

As far as kashrus well eigther leave a note exactly where everything is or better still actually show them.

I have done this only for people we have known frum ones and I say why on earth not. I think it's only nice. You know we too have stayed in peoples homes whilst they are away and we always leave them money to cover electric and abit extra. Even though they didn't ask!

We have even traded homes, I think it's beautiful thing to do imo.

bceaya

Wed, Mar 29 2006, 2:05 pm

TEFILA- I totally agree with you. My husband and I go to a lot of different places for Shabbos and people are always so hospitable to us (and we don't ruin anything!) and we do the same for other people. I also think it's a beautiful thing and I never heard of people being so against it, but Baruch Hashem we never had a negative experience.

Brooklynite

Wed, Mar 29 2006, 2:42 pm

oh, and yes - I remember when my parents did that when I was young and they had a very bad experience (and so did I - they messed up lots of stuff) but nevertheless, I think it's still not fair for the good guys to suffer. You'll always find people abusing the goodness of others, right?

Hey, I shouldn't really talk - what if after Pesach I'll say 'never again'?

Sorry - I don't know how to edit a post so it went separately...

Nani

Wed, Mar 29 2006, 8:04 pm

I have my family-in-law move in with us for the entire week - so they do not have to clean. While I have no problem with them staying at our place for as long as they want and a bit longer, I said it out as soon as the thought entered my mind, that they are not to bring any visitors - even for a few minutes - when my dh and I are away for work or any other reason.

While I didn't feel comfortable pronouncing the words, I am glad I said it; now I do not resent their coming for this reason, and they know how I feel about the entire experience.

Any opinions?