tips for dealing with 22month old and newborn

goldie22

Sat, Dec 12 2009, 2:05 pm

BH iv just had a baby boy and have another son who is 22months old.
I really need advice on how to deal with my two children together.

I feel very guilty for spending time and even talking to the new baby because iv always given all my attention to the 22month old.
so far he has been quite good with the baby who is now 3 weeks. a few times he has tried to stand on him or pull him when he wants my attention.
I really dont want to make him misrable or for him to feel like hes missing out because of the time I need to spend with the baby.

please can anyone give me tips on how to give the best to both of my children without feeling guilty for neglecting one or the other??

thank you so much for your help

losingweight

Sat, Dec 12 2009, 8:08 pm

I am B"H going through that right now. Basically the baby spends most of the time in his roon alternating between his crib and infant seat when his sister is around. I do let her hold him with me supervising so shes not tempted to touch him alone. Once she goes to sleep he gets an overdose of attention. Don't forget that 20 min feedings count as attention too. we do that plenty times a day!

OldYoung

Sat, Dec 12 2009, 10:59 pm

Someone once posted a tip on here (I forgot who and when) that I've found works really well. Children need a minimum 10 minutes of your undivided attention per day. If they don't get it, they will drive you and everyone else around you crazy. Somehow, this works really well with me. When I get home from work, I put my baby in his high chair and spend 10 full minutes with my older (24 mo old) child sitting, talking, and or playing with her and after 10 minutes are up I'll either sit for a little bit longer (if necessary) or go take care of other things (or person!). I've found that this is the key to a calmer afternoon. I don't know if this kind of thing would be helpful but it's definitely worth a shot! The 10 uninterrupted minutes are the key- just 3 or 5 random ones here and there don't really make an impact in the same way.

amother

Sun, Dec 13 2009, 10:52 am

How about other practical ideas about kids this age? (I'm pregnant with my second, and bs't they'll be about this far apart, so I'm following this thread religiously.) When you're putting one to sleep, or bathing one, or pumping, or nursing one, or changing one's diaper...what do you do with the other? Does your baby lie there on the floor screaming when you get your toddler ready for a nap? Does your toddler bang down the door when you're trying to get your infant to sleep? I know that sometimes you can have the toddler help, and sometimes you can push things off (give the toddler a bath when the baby is sleeping or when dh is home), but sometimes you just can't (if baby is really kvetchy, but toddler needs a nap NOW...)

mommygirl

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 6:39 am

I heard a shiur by a Reb' in Chinuch who had this principle:
If two kids have a need: you meet the physical needs of the younger first. ie: hungry or tired baby needs to be dealt with before you can try deal with the older child.
I think newborn babies need so little in terms of emotional attention (compared to the 22 month old + bearing in mind that little ones need so much sleep a day, and they get kvetchy from overstimulation) that the focus should be meeting the physical needs of the newborn, hugging and eye contact and singing when possible, and the rest of the time while the little one is looking at the leaves on the balcony (from a chair / or pram) or listeting to some music, play with the older one.
I also think 22 month old kids love to help - send them to fetch the diaper, bring tissues etc. "Oh thank you my big helper girl/ boy"

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 6:47 am

When I need to change the older one, I take the younger one with me and he goes into his crib (or the older one's bed) until I'm finished.

The younger one takes a morning nap so I have some one on one time with the older one.

Dinner and bedtime can be a juggling act sometimes but the older one can feed himself and the younger one gets nursed just before sleep so it all gets done. Sometimes it takes longer, but in the end, everyone is fed and put to bed.

Marion

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 6:47 am

1. Toddler & baby can be bathed together.
2. Toddler can build with blocks, etc. while you're feeding baby.
3. If toddler doesn't have his own "baby", one should be bought. Then he feeds his while you feed yours, he changes his while you change yours, etc.
4. Baby can have tummy time when toddler is getting ready for his nap. (You DO have a safe place to put baby down, right?)
5. Toddler can push baby in the swing, or make the bouncy chair bounce.

shabri

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 7:01 am

My 2 are 17 1/2 months apart. I found that getting older DD involved made a big difference. She would bring me diapers and throw out the old ones. She had her own "baby" who she would change/feed etc as needed.

I tried to schedule the baby's nap to coincide with DD1's bath--so that worked well in the beginning.

The thing I found hardest was nursing. I felt like I was constantly taking the baby on and off to help DD1 (if she fell, if she needed something, if she was screaming etc)

frumamn

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 12:04 pm

[quote="mommygirl"]I heard a shiur by a Reb' in Chinuch who had this principle:
If two kids have a need: you meet the physical needs of the younger first. ie: hungry or tired baby needs to be dealt with before you can try deal with the older child.
quote]
I'm going to say that I was told the opposite. An older (toddler) child's needs should be met first, as they remember more and can start to associate the lack of attention with the new baby, causing jealousy. An infant can fuss and cry for 10 minutes while you tend to a toddler and then will promptly forgive and forget as soon as you pick him up and snuggle or feed him.
I have ka"h 3 with one on the way and my biggest gap has been 19 months. I have relied on that advice many times to help me get through some really hectic moments. Having the older kids help also makes them appreciate the baby and feel really big and independant. Getting diapers, fresh clothes (who really cares if the newborn is mismatched??) reading a favorite story to the baby while he nurses, bringing Mommy a bottle of water or the telephone if they can reach. Also, when you have only two, your older one should be involved in the nursing. Let him know that the baby is hungry and it's time for him to eat now, just like big boy just ate. Let him help you collect everything you need; blanket, water, phone, book and a toy that he will play with while you nurse. Then set him up next to you and have him "give you the go ahead" to start the nursing. Then make sure afterwards to point out how happy and relaxed the baby is because big brother let him eat nicely and now he feels better. It takes patience the first couple of times but toddlers get into rythms really quickly and thrive on them.
good luck and mazal tov on the new baby!