When to say no | Imamother

happyduck

Tue, Jan 18 2005, 10:54 pm

At what age can one start to really say no? Channah is 11 months now and I really want to get the word no across (ie, no grabbing eema's glasses off her face). How do I go about it? Right now, when she grabs for them, I say NO and hold her hands in front of her for a few seconds. We try to get everyone to do the same thing if she reaches for their glasses. At first we thought it sort of worked, now I think she thinks it is a game and starts to laugh.

Any ideas?

Tovah

Wed, Jan 19 2005, 6:26 am

I think if the word is not overused then they will listen but if u say no to everything then forget about it. rivki is almost 10 months and she listens sometimes cause we only use it for 1 or 2 things

ForeverYoung
Guest

Wed, Jan 19 2005, 8:20 am

teach her what NO means.

NO, you can't put sereal into the underware drawer, put blocks into sorter instead.

Repeat for the rest of your life Smile

also, do not just say no - give her something else to do RIGHT AWAY.

and do not expect immediet obidience - this might take a few years Wink

in cases of danger, such as road - be very firm & strong - make sure she gets that some things are off limits COMPLETELY.
Actually, this is one of the rear cases when I will give a patch on the lower back, b/c this is a life & death isue & I want to make sure they remember the msg. I would rather they tested their limits w/ sereal.

zuncompany

Wed, Jan 19 2005, 8:24 am

She is 11 months already!!! WOW! I remember her being born!

With Zu I hold off on No unless its a biggie... NO touching wires and NO biting when nursing:)

Otherwise I use "we don't." For some reason he actually listens to me when I say that. Well, he did. I think he hit the terrible twos a little early though.

Sara

613

Wed, Jan 19 2005, 8:38 am

my 16 month-old can say the word "no" and when she's doing something that we usually say no to her for (like standing on the coffee table, emptying the sefarim from the bookshelves), she'll say no, no (and shake her head) as she's doing it! AHHHHH!!!! it's very cute, but for some reason, I don't think the point of our "no"'s is getting across Wink

.
now I try to do it the postivie way- "can you put the books back on the shelf?" "can you get off the table so we can play/read...?"

ForeverYoung
Guest

Wed, Jan 19 2005, 8:39 am

Quote:

I use "we don't."

a psycologis we know told us at a shabbos seuda the following:

in our minds, don't doesn't exist.
we think in images, and there is no image of "don't spill the milk"
there is an image of spilled milk, and image of not-spilled milk (ie in cup), but there is no image of the action entitled "do not spill the milk"

Some people see it as spilled milk pootring back into the glass,
some people see it as spilled milk croossed out.
But EVERYBODY sees SPILLED MILK.

So when you say: we do not spill milk, you actually say SPILL, b/c this is the image that appears in the mind in responce to your statement.

So even my

Quote:

NO, you can't put sereal into the underware drawer, put blocks into sorter instead.

isn't perfect.
It really should sound: "Sereal belongs in the bowl. You can put blocks into the sorter instead."

However, saing not this but this is better than just an open ended statement of don't do xyz. At least it gives an alternative....

So instead of your room shouldn't be messy it's "Your room should be clean", etc
no pushing - we have to be jentle
don't yell - speak nicely
etc

As a side effect, you will also get rid of a lot of negativity in your life.

gryp

Wed, Jan 19 2005, 8:52 am

Quote:

my 16 month-old can say the word "no" and when she's doing something that we usually say no to her for

Mendel used to do that too, when he was 9 months. we were shocked because he was a tiny baby telling himself no. but he would listen to himself. for example, we told him "uh,uh,uh" in a warning tone when he was going near something dangerous. after a few times, he would crawl halfway there, say "uh,uh,uh," and then turn around and play with something else.
I was like, wow this is going to be easy!
nowadays, he has definitely reached his terrible twos. everything he sees belongs to him, and he puts up a fight everytime I try and do something (ie. change diaper)
but he does understand what "no" means, but whether or not he listens depends on... luck, maybe?
I also say "we dont." for example, he always tries to yank my tichel off while were playing something. he doesnt understand, he thinks its like a yarmulke that just falls off when playing. so I hold his hand firmly for a few seconds and say, "we dont take of Mommy's tichel, it's not like a yarmulke that falls off." or something like that. he gets the message.

Tefila

Wed, Jan 19 2005, 10:32 am

Quote:

Everytime when she was going to do trouble she would say uh oh first and then do the trouble. So it gave us time to get there on time before she would do it.

Proud same here, only now she will ask us to leave the room LOL

Last edited by Tefila on Wed, Jan 19 2005, 1:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

Rivka

Wed, Jan 19 2005, 1:19 pm

I only know my son is doing something he isn't allowed to do if there is a long silence.
If he does something I don't let him, I just say he shouldn't do it and why he shouldn't do it. I think he gets the message. But if he really doesn't then I just say "don't you dare climb on top of the computer" that usually gets his attention because he hasn't even climbed yet and was just about to. So to him, mummy can read his mind, so he better not even think about it.