WORKED FOUR HOURS AND GUESTS DIDN'T SHOW UP!!!

energy11

Mon, Mar 08 2010, 6:05 am

We live in a small community in South America with very few frum families.
Thursday I called one of them and invited them for Sunday a night BBQ.
The husband seemed please and said his wife will confirm.
She did.
She mentioned she would call in the afternoon of Sunday, since they usually visit her parents on Sunday afternoon. We agreed for 6pm to give them enough time. I asked if they are coming for sure (not depending on the phone call) and she said YES!

We started in the morning by re-arranging the LR and DR. My kids decorated the tables with flowers.
We went to purchase a ton of potatoes and I proceeded to make french fries out of them. The burner is not too strong so it took me 2 1/2 hours.
We usually have a helper on Sunday but yesterday she didn't show up.
My husband made the BBQ of chikens and meat, even though it is so hot here.
As 6pm was getting closer and she hasn't called yet, I called them and they didn't answer.

To make a long story short, tables ready, french fries, salads and delicious meat....and NO SHOW from the guests.

What would you do to those people (hang them?)

Should I tell them how hard I worked or would it just make them feel bad?
Should I wait until they call, or preceed them?

Of course we enjoyed this meal with my family but if I knew they wouldn't come, I wouldn't buy prime steack and spend 4 hours in the kitchen,

Mrs.K

Mon, Mar 08 2010, 6:20 am

I understand how frustrating that must be for you.
I would definitely call up and politely asked what happened. Something like, "We were really looking forward to getting together with you yesterday, what happened?"

I don't think there's any point in rehashing all the effort you put in. If they genuinely have a good excuse, why make them feel guilty? If they are just insensitive or selfish, then your effort wont make a difference to them anyway.

amother

Mon, Mar 08 2010, 6:21 am

Wait for them to call. Unless there was a REAL emergency, (not a splinter or a leg broke on a side table) I'd be very cool. And don't invite them again.

oh & it's OK to say we were all disappointed, we'd prepared a feast. Make them feel bad. You do!

Liba

Mon, Mar 08 2010, 6:31 am

I would call and check and and tell them that I was worried about them. You have to actually be worried to do that though.

All sorts of awful things could ch"vsh have happened. Sad

If you are upset with them and said something to find out that they had a real emergency how would you feel? How would they feel?

I hope it was something simple, like their car broke down, their cell phone battery died trying to call the tow service and they didn't have your phone number anywhere else. By the time they got home it was really late, they were tired and totally embarrassed.

HindaRochel

Mon, Mar 08 2010, 9:03 am

I would call and find out if they are okay. Despite the clarification she could have thought you meant the next Sunday or been confused in some other way. I wouldn't tell them how much trouble I took, but would say "Oh we were so looking forward to you being there! We missed you!"

I do hope all is well with them.

Sorry for the trouble you took; it is annoying. But let it go...B"H you can afford the food!

louche

Mon, Mar 08 2010, 10:00 am

I would call to make sure eveything is OK and tell them you were worried that something happened to them. If everything is ok, ask if they forgot about your date or if there was some miscommunication.

How very frustrating for you, but please understand that your invitee is not responsible for how hard you chose to work for the occasion. If they were rude because they simply forgot or were too lazy to show up, that's rude whether you worked your fingers to the bone or waved a magic wand and it all appeared. If there was some misunderstanding, well, these things happen whether the hostess slaved over a hot stove for 6 hours or not.

Were these the only people you invited? Your guests may have assumed you were making a party for a whole group and that their absence wouldn't have made a difference in terms of your preparation. Deliberately not showing up, if that's what happened, would still have been rude, but not quite as rude as if they were the sole invitees.

energy11

Mon, Mar 08 2010, 8:41 pm

Thank you all for your messages.
Tonight I called them - couldn't wait any longer.
As I asked the husband where he was yesterday, he told me they went to his in laws, then stopped by the Rabbi, etc..without mentioning a thing!*&^%$
I then told him that we prepared for them and waited, but they didn't come! (I didn't mentioned all the cooking but I did say my little daughter decorated the tables with flowers, food was ready, etc..) He was appalled:" You are KIDDING!!!!??? Didn't my wife call you?" He then passed me to his wife, who was so apologetic!
Turns out we had a msunderstanding.
She meant she would call around 4pm to let me know IF they would come. I replied that it would of not be enough time, from 4pm, to 6pm to prepare, etc..
To that she replied that I shouldn't prepare anything, we all work hard all week and should relax over the week-end, if they come it's only to be together, even a cup of water would be enough etc..etc..
She apologized 1000 times for her and her husband and told me next time to talk to her husband (he speaks English - she doesn't).

Well, what do you know?

energy11

Mon, Mar 08 2010, 8:41 pm

amother

Tue, Mar 09 2010, 8:07 am

once invited friend for the shabb sueda they live 2 blocks away like a 4 minute walk anyways I prepared cooked all day set up and after shul it was drizzling so the husband came to tell us his wife doesnt want to come in the rain it wasnt even raining I thought it was thoughtless

yo'ma

Tue, Mar 09 2010, 8:07 am

energy11 wrote:

I've also had misunderstandings because of the language. It's very frustrating!! You think everybody understands each other only to find out, they don't.
Well, what do you know?

amother

Tue, Mar 09 2010, 8:09 am

amother wrote:

sounds like my mil Rolling Eyes

Mirabelle

Tue, Mar 09 2010, 8:10 am

yo'ma wrote:

energy11 wrote:

I've also had misunderstandings because of the language. It's very frustrating!! You think everybody understands each other only to find out, they don't.
Well, what do you know?

sounds like a cultural mistake...