MYOB Lady! | Imamother

amother

Wed, Mar 10 2010, 5:29 pm

Someone at school pried into our finances through our kids and the information was meant to be very private. It is very hurtful and embarrassing to me for it to get out. The person let on via email that she knows our sitch and is jealous. I am so angry that her kid would pressure my kid to reveal our private status and that my kid did it. I am thinking of talking to our rabbi but I really don't want to forgive. This just happened so I don't know what the fallout will be. Any advice?

mominlkwd

Wed, Mar 10 2010, 5:42 pm

You don't say how old your kids are so it's hard to know what really happened. I'm assuming they are older or else why would they know anything about your money situation. Is it possible your child volunteered the info. or was maybe bragging a little bit (unintentionally?) and is it possible the child just repeated it to his mother who mentioned it without realizing it would upset you?

I know my son once told him "..... is really rich, he told me his father has a store and a restaurant." just in passing. sometimes kids just repeat what they hear at home or from other people without realizing what they are saying.

amother

Wed, Mar 10 2010, 7:34 pm

My son is bar mitzvah and the other one kept pestering him, how do you afford that, how do you afford that as if it really makes a difference to him? He would not leave him alone. I told my son he should have said none of your business and walked away. This has to be coming from the nosy, jealous parents. My kids have been able to put 2 and 2 together over the years and have been told to keep our affairs private. It isn't something that we've specifically said to them, but rather they can gather from our extended family what is the $ situation. One of my kids has recently been very interested in how much does a lawyer make, how much does a teacher make, and told me her friend's father makes $500K a month or some such craziness. The older one who opened his pisque knows better what relative amounts of money represent. Yes I agree kids shouldn't know something private, but mine do do and have for a while, and have also been asked to keep it private. They are old enough to understand how hurtful it is to have a family member give away your secrets!

amother

Thu, Mar 11 2010, 6:19 am

Believe me, it has nothing to do with luxuries. This woman is married to a jeweler and all my jewelry combined is less than one piece of hers. We drive older Toyotas, don't take vacations (they just got back from one), and I buy ALL clothing on sale, preferably clearance. The $$ is question is school tuition which is much higher in our area than in most I read about on this site.

shlomitsmum

Fri, Mar 12 2010, 5:16 am

I understand you feel that your privacy has been violated ,I would be mad either way , We are on the oposite side of the fence were people reveal your lack of status ... 8)

It stinks too , But as long as you are doing your part by paying tuition ,giving tzedaka and living a non obnoxious livestyle you are fine ,its her meshugas ,we all have what Hashem want's us to have for our good and spiritual growth.

You should Daven for strenght and wisdom in dealing with crazy people .... and if things like the questioning continue,write the incidents down , call her up and explain that you or your family have worked hard for your assets and do your halachic part as good jews ...but you would prefer that "private matters such as income be off limits as its not Tznius " being ,calm ,Polite ,firm and dry should do the trick , If she plays stupid just say you are aware you are B'h blessed .
That you want your children not to be defined by their assets but their personalities and middos ,and it would be nice of her assist your chinuch efforts this way ,keeping gashmius out of the kids/social interactions That your childrens interactions are your biggest concern ... Wink

Hope this helps ...
some people are sick and coveting is a common sickness Rolling Eyes

P.S I think the amother that implied you caused this by being flashy was rude , DO NOT HIDE BEHIND AMOTHER.....FEEL SO STRONGLY ,COME OUT AND VOICE YOUR OPINION! ....ok done screeming Very Happy

mama-star

Sat, Mar 20 2010, 7:44 pm

Quote:

how can you be so sure it is coming from the parents?

imasinger

Sat, Mar 20 2010, 7:56 pm

((hugs)), OP; I know how kids can be indiscreet, and how sometimes they can find things out that were not meant for them to know.

As I see it, you can either be mad at someone (the other kid or their parents, your kids, yourselves), or you can chalk it up to hashgacha pratis, and try to figure out what if anything to learn from it. If there's a way to be dan l'chaf z'chus to the ones who seem to be prying, it might be worth the effort. If it's clear that there is a poisonous intent, perhaps you can limit the friendship with your DS. However it works, I hope you will be able to put it behind you.

amother

Sat, Mar 20 2010, 8:59 pm

Thank you imasinger! A young teen should know how to keep his mouth shut more than a 5 year old. Mom claims not to know anything about it, it was normal for her kid to wonder since they are having trouble affording (but can afford vacations!). Anyway, I let her know it was none of her family's business and I expect it will go no further so that is all I can do. And amother because this is a small community and I do have to see this family at school and other places. Seriously anyone here thinks they will know me (west coast) and prove that I walk around dripping diamonds? Ridiculous!!!

amother

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 1:33 pm

OP here with unfortunate follow up: She sent me a long email about how I'm too defensive and sensitive and how most of it was my kid's doing anyway. Said I created bad relations by telling her my feelings. Again all I said initially was that I was uncomfortable with the info that was out there and hoped it would remain quiet.

DefyGravity

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 1:41 pm

amother wrote:

If you want your money to be a secret you should probably not spend it on luxuries- then no one will suspect a thing.

People have a right to spend their money on whatever they want.

This whole situation just sounds like kids being kids. Sure, the other kid shouldn't have pestered your son about private financial matters, but your son didn't have to respond. This is a good situation for your son to learn from. He'll now know to tell people, "none of your business," when asked personal matters.

I wouldn't naturally assume the curiosity about your finances came from the kids parents, some kids are naturally curious.

Merrymom

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 8:35 pm

amother wrote:

I know you don't want to hear this OP but I was absolutely shocked that you went so far as to call this mother and make accusations and demands from her. I wrote nothing at that point because I figured the damage is done but I'm really not surprised by this woman's response. I would have taken it as a lesson to be learned about keeping my financial situation a secret from my children and left it at that.

amother

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 9:29 pm

wow Merrymom, thanks so much for those encouraging words! If you read my post, I didn't cal and demand. I emailed her that I was uncomfortable and hoped my private info wouldn't be spread around school. Chag sameach and hope you get more merry!