SUPRISE!! (ugh, please dont!)

amother

Tue, May 11 2010, 8:50 am

I hate when I specifically tell someone, please, I'm being dead serious - NO SUPRISES- that includes parties, singing waiters, or being sung happy birthday in front of a crowd. and then they go and do it anyways, because you know obviously I was joking right??

ugh, I am never agreeing to any outings with anyone around my birthday ever again!

my husband seems to be the only one who actually gets it.

louche

Tue, May 11 2010, 10:01 am

sorry your friends don't take your wishes into account, but be glad that at least dh does. so many of us project our own preferences onto others: because I want a surprise party, I assume Chani will, too; because I love crystal chachkes, I'll buy one for Rivka.

On the flip side, you have to check your tone of voice when you tell people your preferences. If you're smiling when you say "I don't want a surprise party," the message your friends get is "I want a party but it's not polite to agree to one." You have to say it firmly, seriously and emphatically, no smiling.

Is your objection to the surprise or to the fact that it's in public? B/c if the latter, then you should explain to your friends that you are uncomfortable or embarrassed to be the center of attention in public and, far from making you feel good, such events make you distressed and resentful. Suggest other ways your friends can celebrate your milestones.