how long until... | Imamother

amother

Mon, Jun 21 2010, 10:47 pm

you felt at home in your new town?

I am moving during the summer to a new place. dont know my way around, dont know where to shop, dont have any friends in the new neighborhood...and I am really nervous. I am more of a shy type.
how long did it take for you to feel comfortable and settled?

brbs

Mon, Jun 21 2010, 11:32 pm

I have moved almost 5 summers of my 9 year marriage. It takes time. The most important thing is to reach out to people. Go to shul, catch a shuir etc. Meeting one or two people that will introduce you to more is a good idea.

hila

Tue, Jun 22 2010, 1:07 am

And join the local email lists.. shul list, and other. Ask questions and people will (hopefully) welcome you.
Try and get teh kids into a local summercamp/day camp and you will meet other parents.

And go to shul. And dh should too. Hopefully it is a warm welcoming community

Peanut2

Thu, Jun 24 2010, 9:15 pm

For me it depends a lot on where I moved to and how I feel there.
I've moved a lot in my life, and in some places I felt like I belong almost immediately, in some it took years or never happened.

If you are moving within the same country it helps. Moving from the US to the UK was super difficult for me.
If you have some sort of connection to the new place it helps - like friends or a particular shul or community you know you are going to join. If you are familiar with the place, even if only as a tourist, it helps a lot, too. Even if you don't really know people, you can probably find some person who knows someone you know and ask questions. Or ask here on imamother.

amother

Fri, Jun 25 2010, 12:39 am

I've lived in a new community for four months now. It does take a while to get to know people in any meaningful way. I've always been content to have two or three really good friends, and other people I just enjoy seeing from time to time. I would say that I now have two really good friends and several other friends too.

GPS was the BEST thing moving to a new place. Our city is not that big, so it's been pretty easy to figure it out.

Things that have helped me get to know more people:

Inviting people for shabbos to our house
Dropping off hand-me-downs
Offering to help wherever you see a need
Call and ask about shopping Smile

Inviting other kids/parents over to play
Offering rides to people or offering to pick things up at the store
Going to shul to shmooze even if I don't feel like carting all the kids down there Smile

I'm not much of an extrovert either, so these things do take some good effort. It's been worth it though. I would guess that after 6 months I'll feel pretty settled in, and that after a year I'll feel almost like I've been here forever. Smile

Hatzlacha!