Too Attached? | Imamother

amother

Sun, Jul 11 2010, 7:02 pm

I have my 15 month old home with me every day and I love it! We are very attached and have a great time together. Relatives keep telling me to cut the apron strings already and send her out. I can't decide what to do. On the one hand, she will only be 18 months when the school year starts and I think that's very young to send out. On the other hand, her attachment it can be extreme...when my older kid hugs me or even comes near me she yells and cries and has a complete meltdown. And if any other kid comes near me she does the same. I wouldn't worry so much except that I just found out that I'm expecting (which is why this is anonymous...). Should I slowly start the process now or wait til a bit closer to when I'm due? Is 18 months really to young to send out or am I just being overprotective? All advice appreciated!

SivanMom

Sun, Jul 11 2010, 7:12 pm

18 months is not too young to send out if necessary, but I also think it's completely not necessary if you don't want it. If you feel that you can manage your child during your pregnancy, then by all means, keep her home. She'll have the rest of her life to be away from you, she'll learn to "cut the apron strings". (Just out of curiosity - who says that apron strings have to be cut at 18 months anyway, there is no set time to tell your child, ok, that's enough, you're not a baby anymore.) I had to send my kids out quite young because of work, and although it never bothered me, it would have also been nice to keep them home longer. I would reconsider in January. I don't know where you live, but here in Lakewood, I had no problem getting a playgroup to take my then 18 month old in January.

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Jul 11 2010, 9:29 pm

SivanMom wrote:

Couldn't have said it better. Ignore annoying relatives and friends that say that she's "too attached." If it doesn't bother you, doesn't bother her, doesn't bother your older child, then it's fine. She's not even two yet! If you want to send her out, fine, but don't do it just because other people think that kids shouldn't be so attached to their mothers.

amother

Sun, Jul 11 2010, 9:37 pm

While I agree, that 18 months is not too young IF NECESSARY, in general 18 months is really still a baby! Think about it! Children are made to be with their mothers. If you are happy together, stay together! My baby is a few months older than yours and went through a stage of getting upset when my other kids hugged me or wanted to sit on my lap. He got over it for the most part, but is definitely attached, and appropriately so.

There's no reason to listen to these opinions. I made the mistake of being swayed into that when I was pregnant with my third. I got told over and over how tired I would be. I really regret sending her out. I wish I'd kept her home longer, although she's home again now for other reasons and simply beams with delight to be around me so much.

A tendency exists today to undermine a mother's strength and ability to care for and nurture her own children. In addition, there is often a subtle implication that she simply can't do it and will just 'not manage.' If a woman is truly having trouble, that's a different story. But why create this feeling that is simply against the very definition of a mother--and especially BECAUSE you are happy!

Don't worry, Be"H your baby will adjust beautifully to the new sibling.

Barbara

Sun, Jul 11 2010, 9:39 pm

B'shaa tova.

Your relatives are ridiculous. She's just a baby. If you told me she was going to be 15 YEARS old, I'd tell you that maybe its time to foster a little more independence. But 15 MONTHS. Sheesh.

She'll be in a whole different stage when the new baby arrives. She'll understand a lot more, and will be able to be reasoned with, at least a little.

In any case, you can start teaching her to share you with her older siblings without sending her away.

ruthla

Tue, Jul 20 2010, 11:39 pm

How on earth can a 1yo be "too attached"? She's a baby for goodness sake! Strongly attached kids are a good thing- attached kids are the ones who talk to you when they're teenagers!

Listen to your "mamma instincts"- they won't steer you wrong. Some kids at 18mo enjoy preschool- others simply aren't ready yet. Do what's right for your individual child, not what a busybody relative or neighbor thinks she should be doing "just because she's a certain age."

My oldest didn't attend preschool until age 3. DD2 was in daycare at 18mo because I was in school. DS started day camp at 2.5 and then preschool at 2.75. I don't think any of them were really "ready" for preschool at 18mo (including the one who was in daycare- she went, I needed her to go, but she really wasn't ready.)

Inspired

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 12:44 am

Barbara wrote:

Ditto that.

baba

Wed, Jul 21 2010, 5:30 am

I would only do something if it bothers you, not your relatives.
My 17 month old is also very attached. At home it's ok, but as soon as we're with others, including close family she sees all the time, she clings to my skirt and wants to constantly be picked up. Sometimes it really does get to much for me. Soon I'll be working 2 days a weekand she's going to be in daycare at my work. I'm happy for her to be around other kids and not only with me all the time.
For me it's a good compromise, it's only two days a week.