Is my son at risk as a voluntary mute?!

amother

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 5:46 am

My adorable son just turned 3.

He was always very expressive at home and in gan.

After Pesach, he was toilet trained and his morah told me that although he talks with the kids he has stopped talking to her. She tried very hard to get him to talk, he basically didn't.

From past experience it takes him time to get comftorable with new ppl and situations and only then does he start talking to them. I believe that is normal.

Now, he's in daycamp and he won't talk there either.

why did he stop talking to his morah that he loves though?

He is going to school next year and I am sooooo worried!

Is there anything you know that could either reassure me or educate me?

Isramom8

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 5:51 am

I've heard this referred to as a person "having slecetive mutism", not "being a voluntary mute".

My son didn't talk inside his gan classroom at all the year he was 2, but talked and davened in the gan yard and at home. He outgrew it. Just, when he was in grade school, sometimes you couldn't get him to answer the homework questions verbally.

Nowadays, if he is annoyed or confused, he either won't answer or says "I don't know", when he does know. But maybe that's just teenagers.

Some people need to think before they speak, to process situations first. Maybe check it out if it continues.

amother

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 6:15 am

Thanks. I knew it was called selective mutism, I just couldn't remember the term when I posted.

Now that I think of it, I don't know if it's normal or not, but when he is upset or annoyed, there is no way to get him to verbalize what he wants.

I'm soooo worried about him.

amother

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 6:34 am

Why would it be speech? He started talking very much on time and still has moments when he could talk a lot.

Hila, what is your friends's proffession? I am in Jerusalem. I just want to talk to somebody about it.

My dh tells me to just leave it alone, and that he doesn't have any issues, I'm just so nervous about it. I want to know what is normal, what is not and what to be looking out for.

BestMomBrooklyn

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 6:58 am

I second a child psychologist, but only one who specialized in childhood disorders...

You can help this child simply by knowing what is holding him back, and then guide him to a more peaceful place in his life.

Liba

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 7:01 am

I have a daughter with selective mutism. She went to gan safa for a year and is IY"H moving onto a regular first grade. She is still selectively mute, but doing a bit better. By the end of the year in gan safa she was whispering at her teachers and speaking with her friends in our home.

I am very worried about her transition to a fist grade with 30 girls, but she reads and writes so keeping her back isn't an option, and neither is special ed to get her a smaller class.

I don't think she is at risk of anything more than not speaking. If she didn't speak at home and couldn't tell us if someone hurt her it would be a different situation. She does though, so all I perceive as a danger is her isolating herself because she is unable to speak in school.

One of the big things, we were told, was not to make a big deal about the not talking. My daughter's selective mutism gathered a lot of strength when she was moved to a Hebrew speaking gan at age three and the teacher spent the year saying how cute my daughter was since she didn't speak. She didn't speak because she was learning Hebrew at that point and by the end of the year she didn't speak because it was cute. Once she was not speaking even the idea of speaking caused her anxiety.

hila

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 7:19 am

amother wrote:

What does this have to do with olim children?

I am not sure - maybe part of itis a fear of talking in a strange language.
It seems to happen more to kids of Olim. Or at least kids who gre up using one language and then are faced with another in gan or school.

Maybe someone knows more than me about the reasons

sonny

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 2:23 pm

I also have a problem with my 2 1/2 yr old daughter she was this year in gan and never said a word to her morah!
they went mad and so did I! she'll talk to other adults,does this mean she has selective mutism??? Do I need to go for help or can it go away by itself???

MrsMom

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 2:34 pm

I had this as a 4 year old and it went away after a child psychologist said to treat it by telling the morahs to ignore me until I came out and asked for help.

I would totally not recommend this because when I think about that it sounds pretty horrific. Tongue Out

gp2.0

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 2:52 pm

Liba wrote:

Or maybe we olim just worry about it more.

I know in the states I had a classmate with selective mutism. She was called shy.

I was unbearably shy as a child. It started fading out at around 14. Until then the teachers would always note that I never participated. I didn't really see the point. I hardly spoke to my teachers, ever. I wonder if these days people would call it selective mutism. I guess you could say I grew out of it, or you could say I'm still in the process of growing out of it. Often when in company of certain people I feel a strong urge not to speak. Or else I do speak and my heart is thumping while I obsess over what I said for the next half hour. But I'm normal. If I HAVE to speak, I will. And with friends and family I'm totally talkative. I wouldn't worry if I were you because I've been there. You could go to a psychologist just to ease your fears. Btw have you asked him why he doesnt talk to the teacher?

amother

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 5:42 pm

I am a speech therapist and have worked with some children who were diagnosed with selective mutism. Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder. It triggers when the child is in an environment in which they feel a form of anxiety. I would agree with the recommendation of a consultation with a childhood psychologist. Once diagnosed, and treatment has begun, a speech therapist can work in the school setting to facilitate conversation between the child and both teachers and peers.

marina

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 9:47 pm

hila wrote:

amother wrote:

What does this have to do with olim children?

Immigrant children are highly at risk for selective mutism, I think I wrote a whole paper on it once, ages ago.

To OP: maybe your son's morah yelled at him or someone else and made him feel anxious and that's what he does when he is stressed. I would guess that a smaller class would be better and that yes, he is at risk for selective mutism, but selective mutism is not a huge big deal, with a good teacher it will take care of itself. Typically, the progression is from not speaking at all to whispering to the teacher, to whispering to a friend to talking to the teacher to talking to friends.

You might want to take videos of your child at home, though. A young child who won't speak is especially likely to get diagnosed with many other communication-socialization disorders before selective mutism and videos of him at home will be immensely helpful to whomever is evaluating him.

JollyMommy

Wed, Aug 04 2010, 10:20 pm

I remember a boy in my class in first grade refused to talk to teachers, he had a paper that said "YES" "NO" and "BATHROOM" (this was in early 90s). he did talk with friends and grew up to be a normal adult. I think he continued his ways through high school though.

I don't think this is considered selective mutism, it's more a stubborness to communicate... I know he had tons of therapy and it didn't help.

but, maybe since your son is so young this will pass, or maybe with a different teacher he would do better.

this is a toughie, good luck!