Tamar | Imamother

amother

Thu, Aug 05 2010, 10:25 am

Love the name Tamar but my DH is opposed because of the story of Tamar. Anyone know any positive spin or good attributes of Tamar that I can use to convince him? We both really like the sound of the name.

louche

Thu, Aug 05 2010, 11:12 am

Which story of Tamar? Tamar and Yehuda or Tamar and Amnon? The latter was an unfortunate innocent victim, poor girl, but the former is the archetypal strong Jewish woman who does not give in to fear of a human authority who is doing wrong but does what has to be done leshem Shamayim and is proven correct--much as Bnot Tzelophchad do generations later, as Ruth does later still, as Esther does even later.

Not to mention that the Dvash in Shiv'at haMinim is Dvash T'marim.

shalhevet

Thu, Aug 05 2010, 11:13 am

Go and listen to the series of lectures on Yehuda and Tamar by Rebbetzin Heller on www.naaleh.com and you will only have positive associations with her as a tzadekes! (BTW, personally I don't like the name, but it is very popular in Israel among all shades of frum people - I know a couple of lovely, lovely girls called Tamar).

amother

Thu, Aug 05 2010, 12:15 pm

We have a Tamar. The Rav we asked about it said that you aren't naming after "that" Tamar. I don't know which Tamar he was referring to, but the parsha was Tamar and Yehuda. We were considering naming another child Yehuda (because of a strong request from my father-in-law to name after his uncle), but decided against it.

I liked that sound of the name. It works with our long-yiddishe last name. Mostly, I like the clarity of purpose that Tamar (from Tamar and Yehuda) was granted. She knew exactly what to do. How many of us can say that? I find her one of the most awe inspiring of the women in Tanach.

And I love my daughter. She's a wonderful person, b"h. She is not without indecision, or confusion, or angst, but she looks so hard for the right answers.

immarudy

Thu, Aug 05 2010, 12:35 pm

well, it's my name. and I really love it.
I've always liked that it's not so common, I was always the only tamar in whatever group I was in (except once when I was in the gift of music, one of the kids was tamar, and it got confusing...)
people have told me they love my name SO many times, not just in israel, also non jews in america!

and our mailman when I was a little kid....he loved my name and named his daughter tamar. and did I mention he was a black guy?? lol.

louche

Thu, Aug 05 2010, 1:21 pm

I have loved the name since at least first grade. In adulthood, the name conjures up the image of the ideal Jewish woman, beautiful of face, form, and character, and no slouch in the brains department. I have no idea why, it just is that way. A Tamar is the one in the class whom they had to vote against giving the talent award because she's already valedictorian and recipient of the middos award.

Oddly enough, I expect an Esther to be good but not necessarily beautiful.

amother

Fri, Aug 06 2010, 2:53 am

louche wrote:

I'm the "amother of a Tamar" above-- that totally sounds like my daughter, be"h, poo poo poo, etc.

One of the best things about Tamar as a name is that it's really not nailed down to one specific community or hashkafa.

Quote:

Oddly enough, I expect an Esther to be good but not necessarily beautiful.

We also have an Esther, and she is, maamesh, a tzadeikis in training-- and no slouch in the beauty dept. (be"h, poo pooh, throwing salt, knocking wood, standing on my head...)(ok, I made the last one up)

My point is that the name, even if it's not your favorite in theory, becomes the name of your child. That will always be special. Lipshitz (no offense to any lipshitz's out there) is not my favorite last name. I love someone with that name, so it's negative connotations are replaced by positive ones.

May

Sun, Aug 08 2010, 1:21 am

immarudy wrote:

I had a black client with that name. But it was pronounced/accented slightly differently.

louche

Sun, Aug 08 2010, 1:42 pm

May wrote:

I personally love the name. But in 6th grade when we were learning the story about Amnon and Tamar, I felt bad for the Tamar in my class, she was soo embarrassed.

So what? Dinah bas Leah was also s*xually abused and no one seems to scruple to name their dds that. Granted it wasn't incest in her case, but even so...

Not to mention Batsheva.

anuta

Sun, Aug 08 2010, 10:05 pm

When I was expecting my first child, I really really wanted to name her Tamara (a variation of Tamar)

My husband was dead set against it precisely for the same reason...

We ended up naming her Esther.... I regretted it for the whole first year, she really looked like a Tamar to me... but now I am used to her name and it suits her.

I guess my point is I couldn't convince my husband.

Mommy3.5

Mon, Aug 09 2010, 9:10 pm

louche wrote:

May wrote:

I personally love the name. But in 6th grade when we were learning the story about Amnon and Tamar, I felt bad for the Tamar in my class, she was soo embarrassed.

So what? Dinah bas Leah was also s*xually abused and no one seems to scruple to name their dds that. Granted it wasn't incest in her case, but even so...

Not to mention Batsheva.

I guess you missed the thread on the name dina last week....

ididit

Mon, Aug 09 2010, 10:09 pm

that's MY name!!!

you can see my comments on being named Tamar on the "would you name your grandchildren after you..." thread. (I don't know how to write the link here, but you can see it under my username)

basically, it seems that all the Tamars I know are self-confident and head-strong.

may she only bring you joy and nachas!