Leaving our kids with non Jewish babysitter

marina

Tue, Aug 10 2010, 8:11 pm

Quote:

As a child my mother would sometimes leave us with the cleaning lady when she went out (not to work) and I still remember the horrid feeling I had of being left alone with a [gentile], and I promised I would never do it to my kids. This has nothing to do with whether or not they are competent etc. That being said there are some frum people, even close relatives, whom I wouldn't leave my kids with because I don't trust them to watch them properly, or be nice to them (e.g. shouting at them because they're getting on their nerves.)

Any geirim have anything to say? Did you also have horrid feelings of being left alone with your parents?

DrMom

Wed, Aug 11 2010, 1:47 am

iloveicecream wrote:

What did you think she was going to do to you? shock

iloveicecream

Wed, Aug 11 2010, 5:39 am

"Any geirim have anything to say? Did you also have horrid feelings of being left alone with your parents?"

Why are you comparing the two? I'm talking about being left with someone I had no connection to, did not speak my language, and basically ignored me while she cleaned the house while my mother was out with friends or whatever. I think that comment was an insult to geirim who I'm sure were brought up by parents as loving as any other and had a strong connection with them.

I didn't think she would do anything to me, why are you arguing with the feelings of a child? Maybe I was too sensitive, but I didn't like it and that's why I won't do it to my kids. When my mother brought a babysitter, she was there to look after ME, and gave me attention - and as I said there is a difference with hiring someone to look after children, and leaving them with cleaning help.

P.S. I'm talking here from my memories as a 4,5,6 year old, so its more of my own personal feelings, its not some principle that I decided on, if that makes any sense?

ally

Wed, Aug 11 2010, 5:50 am

iloveicecream wrote:

So your problem was with being left with a cleaning lady not a [gentile]?

DrMom

Wed, Aug 11 2010, 7:08 am

iloveicecream wrote:

I think if I were 4-6 years old, I would be concerned about being left in the care of someone with whom I could not communicate verbally. This has nothing to do with the cleaning lady's religion, but rather her language skills/linguistic background.

And she probably ignored you because her job was to clean the house, not look after the kids. Again, this has nothing to do with her religion; it's just not her job description.

iloveicecream

Wed, Aug 11 2010, 8:48 am

DrMom wrote:

To reply to you and the poster above, I had to think about what you both pointed out. I think in my mind I equate cleaning lady to [gentile] because thats the only experience I've had, but if the cleaning lady was a frum woman I could very possibly have had the same issue.
That being said I would still feel very uncomfortable leaving my kids with a non-jewish girl and I would do my absolute best not to. But if I think about it more it could be because any frum girl I would find, I would know either her family, family friends, school/sem she went/goes to etc, and with a non-jew I generally wouldn't know anything about them. That doesn't mean they aren't competent, just that I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. And like I said before there are even some close relatives I wouldn't want to leave my kids with because I don't trust them, so I guess for me I need both - that I know a fair bit about them, and that I know I can trust them to look after my children properly, according to my standards.
If I knew a [gentile] who was both of those, e.g. family member who wasn't jewish and I know I could trust them, then I guess I wouldn't have a problem with it. But I don't know anyone like that, so for me it would always have to be a frum person who I could trust.